When Lights Die
by JasperState
Summary: Bella wasn't the only one abandoned by the Cullen's. Now Jasper feels the pain Bella went through. Is it too late for Bella to pick up the pieces of a broken Jasper? She says she is healed but is she?
1. Chapter 1

**I'm aware that this story was received well and I thank everyone for the reviews. I'll post the next chapter on Monday 09/17/12. Thank you for liking it so much and reassuring me that continuing this story is a good idea. -Maria.  
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It was drizzling outside.

It didn't come as a surprise to Bella but she still sighed in defeat as she dressed for work. Washington had always been this way since she had moved to Forks and it had followed her onto Seattle where she lived now for college. The rain didn't bother her as much as it used to but she had to work tonight and her car was having trouble starting up. She had decided a week ago to just begin walking to work. She needed her truck for school and she didn't dare risk having it break down in downtown Seattle.

She knew she should take a bus to work rather than walk on the dangerous streets of Seattle at night but she was running late and she was only two blocks away from work. She waitressed at a club at night and worked part time in a coffee shop at school during the day.

As she walked to work in her skimpy outfit she thought about how much she had changed in two years. She had become more confident in her own skin after realizing that she could be her own person. Some days she would morn the death of her old self who clung hopelessly to a life that had been yanked from her hands. On her worst days she could find herself reminiscing instead of missing her former boyfriend who had been too fantastical to be real. Yes she believed they had existed but she doubted there had ever been real love there for any of them. They had left without so much as a goodbye and she had finally moved on.

Edward would have had a cow if he knew she was a waitress at an upscale club where her uniform consisted of mesh tights, tight black shorts and a black corset. She didn't mind though, it made her feel sexy and the looks of the gentlemen who went to party at the club reminded her that she was very much a beautiful young woman. It had taken her a while to get there especially with the parting words of her ex boyfriend still implanted onto the young mind of a self conscious teenager. But she would be 20 in a month and with the new change had come a change in character for her. But some things never changed.

Bella looked over her shoulder casually like she had taught herself long ago to do. There were plenty of people out, it was Friday and they didn't seem to mind the rain. Most people in Washington didn't and went out to celebrate the end of the week. The majority of the crowd outside didn't pay much attention to her but she still felt watched. She knew Victoria was still out there, probably bidding her time and hoping to catch Bella off guard. She couldn't help think that this was some sick game of hers that she was willing playing along too.

Charlie was safe with the werewolves guarding him day in and day out but Bella had no protection. When she had found out her best friend was a shape shifting werewolf it was as if a calm had come over her. She knew she could trust Jacob Black and the pack to look after Charlie while she was gone. She wasn't stupid enough to try to out run Victoria or fight her off so she tried to stay alive as long as possible. Recently however she had felt even more uncomfortable as if someone was following her everywhere she went.

Finally when she was about to turn around and just scream out to Victoria she heard her name and turned instead towards the back entrance of the club. Angel a female bartender was smoking a cigarette outside.

"Hey," Bella said a little flushed and shook her head when Angel offered her a cigarette. Bella had only smoked once and that was to impress her boss but immediately decided that being unemployed was better than having lung cancer.

"What'd you doing out here sugar?" Angel was an African American college transfer student from LSU and she fit the New Orleans stereotype to a T. "You seem a bit agitated sweetheart, don't let Anthony see you like that." Anthony was their boss and a bit of a perfectionist. Bella hadn't had a gray hair until she had met him but he had five other clubs in the vicinity so he was rarely there for too long.

"I'm going to go inside and change," Bella said even though all she needed to do was store her jacket in her locker. "I'll see you inside." Angel winked at Bella and went back to her cigarette. Bella liked Angel most days but she had had a rough week and was finding it harder every night to put on a happy face for her clients. She needed to get it together especially if Anthony was coming in.

It seemed that her rough week wasn't over. As soon as she had stored her jacket and gotten her pad to write down orders she ran into her first wall of the night. There were five VIP tables in the clubs and they were all on the second floor. Only the VIPs and waitresses were allowed up there and tonight a group of college girls had somehow managed to bypass the guards and it was Bella's responsibility to ask them to leave.

Normally someone else would handle the girls but the club was packed and she was the designated waitress to do the dirty deed as she had just arrived. Bella stepped up to the table of rowdy girls that were clearly too young to drink and opened her mouth to say something but her words were lost.

There sitting across from where Bella stood was Lauren Mallory who gave a shrill cry when she noticed Bella. Before Bella could react she was engulfed by Lauren who was shouting in her ear about how much she had missed her and how they must catch up. Bella could smell the alcohol and feel Lauren supporting most of her weight on Bella. She was plastered.

"Lauren, you and your friends have to leave. You'll be in big trouble if security finds out you've been drinking." Bella tried to reason with her but Lauren couldn't hear Bella over the DJ. Bella's only choice was to walk down to security and ask them to forcefully take the girls out. She felt a sick sort of pleasure at seeing Lauren and her friends leave. It had been a shock to see them of course but Bella had decided that any reminders of Forks were unwelcome. Despite being thrown out Lauren still managed to turn around and wave back at Bella.

"That was fun," Bella heard Angel say behind her at the bar, "were those your friends?"

"Not anymore," Bella said picking up an order and taking it to a table. She wasn't 21 yet so she wasn't allowed to pour the alcohol but she was old enough to take it to the tables.

About an hour after the Lauren incident the club really filled up and Bella found herself rushing from the VIP tables to the bar. She was a blur of dark hair and pale skin. She wasn't as tall as the patrons so she had a hard time balancing the trays of shots but practice had made perfect in her case. She knew what areas to dodge and how to hold the tray so that nothing spilled.

Anthony had been reluctant to keep her on but she was effective and hard working. He had been pretty blunt about the fact that Bella wasn't old enough to look sexy or tall enough to walk through the crowd or even perky enough to be sociable.

All this had wounded Bella's ego far more than it had wounded her feelings. She had made it her mission to change. Not because Anthony was right but because she felt she needed this change in her life as well.

She bought the highest pair of heels at the mall and walked around her apartment all day long even though she had ridiculous hours at the club and a full time student schedule. When she got her job at the coffee shop she decided she would practice her skills with the tray and got pretty good at serving hot drinks. A week after she had been employed at the club, Angel had taken her to the mall for a makeover.

Bella had refused to dye her hair but she didn't oppose the layers or highlights added.

Bella became a real aficionado of makeup and style which pleased Angel since she now had someone to go shopping with for club clothes. The most difficult part of her transformation had been the attitude adjustment. Angel was a really good influence on that part but she also had a potty mouth and Bella just didn't see the need for it, except on those few occasions when she would have to put her heel down and

have a little talk with the club patrons who thought that it was quite alright to feel her up.

When Bella brought down an empty tray of shot glasses down to the bar area she found that Anthony was helping Angel with the orders. Tonight was the busiest night so far and it wasn't even close to being over yet. Anthony looked up at Bella and smiled for the first time since he had hired her.

"Been watching you Swan," he said handing someone a fruity orange drink, "you're doing well out there, I've taught you good." He winked and Bella felt too happy to point out that she had made the changes, he had only pointed out the flaws.

Before she could get too caught up in the joy of a compliment, Angel handed her a tray and sent her off to deliver more orders. This was when she hit her second wall. The group she had delivered the tequila shots to were business men in suits who all wore wedding rings. One of them in particular saw her and ran his hand up her leg as she bent over to spread the shots around.

She jerked, took his hand and placed it on the table. Since he couldn't hear her over the music she just waved her finger back and forth and mouthed, _no touching_. He didn't understand and when she turned around to walk back to the bar he slapped her right on the ass cheek.

Bella turned around and soccer-punched the guy right in the jaw. His whole group gasped but didn't intervene. She bit her bottom lip when she noticed one of her knuckles bleeding. _Just great _she thought, _what else could go wrong?_

Someone behind her pushed past the crowd and she noticed it was security. Michael, the indoor guard was her friend from school and he asked her politely if she was okay. She nodded and he took the guy by the arm and escorted him out. Bella eyed the table dangerously and walked away. This wasn't the first time this had happened but it was the first time she had truly hurt herself punching a guy.

She walked into the employee office and searched for the first aid kit. Angel came in a few seconds later grinning from ear to ear.

"Where'd you learn to that Belly? she asked excited taking the clean wipes out of her hand and wiping the blood away, "I swear I even saw Anthony high five someone."

"So I'm not getting fired?" Bella asked. She had never punched a guy in front of her boss even though she knew it was okay to do if they got out of line.

"Are you kidding?" she said dabbing a bit of antiseptic cream on her cut, "how many's that?"

Bella looked behind her at a chart on the wall next to the lockers. She found her name and counted the tally's, "Six, well seven with this one."

"Nice..." Angel said nodding her head approvingly while she put a Band-Aid over Bella's knuckle. They had a thing at work where they wrote down how many guys crossed the line and got thrown out on their account. Since Bella was new she had a few tally's but Angel had a whole row on the paper.

"If we don't watch out you'll be leading the way," Angel winked and pulled Bella into a hug, "now, did he just like smack that ass or grab it?"

Bella laughed for what felt like the first time in years and pushed Angel aside with a knowing smirk. They got back to work and surprisingly Bella's walls had actually improved her mood. Things ran as smoothly as they could for the rest of the night. An hour before closing Bella hit her toughest wall yet and she knew that this one would follow her home.

She had covered all of her orders when one of the waitresses came up to her and told her that she had another table waiting for her. Bella sighed and looked at the clock on the wall. She was off in a few minutes anyway, she supposed she could do one last table. She took her pad and pen and walked pass the crowd on the dance floor, balancing on her high heels the best she could.

When she was close enough to see the person sitting at the table she gasped. She almost wished Lauren had returned or that the guy who had touched her had been sitting there but nope, life wasn't always that fair.

"Hello Bella." Jasper Cullen sat back and watched Bella panic, calm down and put on a mask that almost looked like a convincing happy waitress but Jasper could feel her emotions; they screamed danger, anger, happiness?

"Jasper..." her voice trembled but her mask was kept firmly in place, "what can I get you?"

"I think you know what I want," he said sitting up and leaning against his table. His eyes were red.

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**Please Review! I want to see if anyone is interested in me continuing this.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of Stephanie Meyer's characters. Enjoy.**

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Jasper felt out of place in his cowboy boots and black dress clothes. He looked like he had run out on his own wedding, with his bow tie half slung around his neck and his hands in his pockets. The rain that accompanied Washington as a trademark beat down on his slumped shoulders. His cowboy boots were worn down to a deplorable manner. He had run across three states almost overnight only to end up back here in this god forsaken state.

Jasper looked up with his piercing red eyes and found himself back at the same stone building where he had met Jenkins over 10 years ago. He'd ask him to bring down clothes and divorce papers. He would have Jenkins send them out to Alice once he had done his part. He'd stay the night and then leave somewhere no one would think of looking for him, not that they would try.

"Mr. Cullen?" Jenkins was a skinny sulky man in his 40s with a fake taupe and an even faker smile. Jasper realized this was the first time he was letting Jenkins see him as he truly was. As a vampire. One with a feral look that he couldn't shake and blood red eyes. "I-I have what you requested…"

Jenkins shivered under a black umbrella whether because he was afraid of Jasper or because he was cold. "You will now address me as Mr. Whitlock and you will stop dealing with any other Cullen unless I give you my express permission. Do you understand?"

"Yes Mr. Cu- Whitlock of course sir," Jenkins handed Jasper a box which contained his new clothes and opened as best as he could the envelope with the divorce papers while he tried to hold his umbrella. "Just sign here and here and I'll send these off to Mrs. Cullen first thing."

He handed Jasper the pen with shaking hands and held the paper as still as he could. Jenkins avoided eye contact with Jasper but couldn't stop his heart from beating a million miles per hour. Jasper signed at vampire speed no longer worrying about the consequences. He picked up the box of clothes and took off back down the way he had come from.

He heard Jenkins scurry away and smiled despite himself. He'd always been strict with him, fair but strict. All he wanted to do now was disappear.

Jasper sunk under an abandoned building near downtown to peel away his wet clothes and put on his new boots. He looked around when he was done and tried to ignore the small sting making his way up his throat. His body wanted more but if he was going to revert back to his old life style he would do it right. There were no Cullen's to please now, no Alice to behave for, no Edward to watch his every step.

He walked over to a rickety desk and pulled it over to a window so he could see outside. He had the money to go to a hotel but with his red eyes it wouldn't be wise to rent a room. He didn't want to be around anyone anyway. He just wanted to lay there and die.

His mind wondered to two nights ago when Rosalie and Emmet had been so excited, when the only thing to worry about was what they would hunt in celebration of their renewed vows.

Edward, Carlisle and Jasper had gone out into the city of Vegas to make sure that everything would be ready for Emmet and Rosalie's big day. Edward had been against the city wedding since day one but Rosalie didn't want to spend the day out in the Nevada suburbs. Jasper knew Edward was worried about him slipping up but everyone vouched to look after Jasper. He had gone no where alone since they had left Forks and it was starting to dawn on him that as long as the whole Bella incident loomed over their heads he would never be trusted again.

But then it had happened. They were all out on the strip trying not to draw too much attention to themselves and Jasper felt the desperation. Someone was in trouble and nobody else felt was he had. He heard the scream a second later but it was too late, he was running towards the man who had his hand half down a woman's skirt and his other around her neck.

Jasper could smell blood and knew it was hers but he only saw red for the man causing her harm. He took him out in seconds before Alice could reach for him or before Edward could react. He had his teeth down the mans throat and his hands around his ribs cracking them easily.

The present Jasper sat up and jumped off the desk. His memories had made the sting in his throat go from tolerable to needing immediate attention. He was angry and disappointed but not regretful. He remembered how they had looked at him like he had been the one in the wrong. Like he should have let it happen. He had reached out for Alice and she had taken a step back, venom pooling in her eyes. She had said everything with that simple action.

He remembered the way Carlisle had told him to go and the way Edward had hugged Esme like he was protecting her from him. Jasper's jaw had locked and he had shoved his way through them to see if the woman was alright. They thought he was going for seconds but when they saw he was checking her for cuts or internal bleeding they backed off.

When he was satisfied he looked back at them one last time and took off. He had run in a straight line from Nevada to Idaho and finally through Oregon. He had never run so fast in his life. Maybe he had been rash and should have stayed to plead his case but he knew it was a long time coming.

Had Alice been his true mate she would have stood by him even if she thought he had acted wrongly. If they had indeed been his family they wouldn't have asked him to leave, abandoned him when he had slipped even if to protect another human being. He didn't understand their reasoning but he didn't want to try.

A part of him wanted to get over it and move so that he could forgive them. Another part of him wanted to crawl into the ground and die.

A darker much less reasonable part of him blamed Bella but he knew it was his thirst and hunger speaking. He had brought upon himself every last bit of karma. Perhaps it was the fact that he was in the state where it all started or because the last time he'd almost slipped was here. He didn't blame her but he couldn't help think that if she had never come into their lives his would be very different.

Jasper walked outside and sighed at the sight of a clear sky. The rain had stopped and some of the clouds had moved away. It was dark out and people were starting to come out for the night to party and drink. It would be an excellent crowd to test out his restraints. Somewhere between Nevada and Washington he'd made the choice to go back to his original diet with some improvements.

How many killers, rapists and pedophiles had he passed up because he'd been with the Cullen's? Now was his chance to rid the world of the scum he'd always despised. Of the scum he had once thought he was. When he had been born into this life he had killed with no restrains, no second thoughts about who the person whom he was sucking the innocence and life from were.

Jasper kept his eyes down for the most part, it was night out but that didn't make the humans around him blind. He was in one of the more dodgier parts of town but still the streets were filled with anyone from beggars and homeless to frat boys and party goers.

He'd reached a particular part of the street where not many people were venturing and he instantly knew why. The stink of drugs and alcohol were more pronounced in this area. His eyes gleamed and his nostrils sought out food. He continued walking down and took a left into an alley way where several windows could be made out above him. From one he could hear crying and smell a males arousal.

Jasper's fists clenched when he felt the males emotions and the minors cries. He set out to feed.

In the blink of an eye the window to the run down apartment was broken and the one light bulb in the room thrown against the wall. He grabbed the only grown adult in the room and threw him out the window. Even though the girl who was clearly underage couldn't see him in the dark he could see her. Her dress was pooled around her ankles and she stood there screaming at the sudden intrusion. He felt around downstairs for more emotions and when he didn't catch any he stepped forward helping her with her dress so quickly it took her by surprise.

"Go and don't come back down this way, seek help…" he said and pushed her in the direction of the door. If she didn't leave now she could still be a victim of his hunger. He saw her nod and open the door, she didn't even bother looking back to catch a glimpse of her savor.

Jasper heard the moans of pain coming from down in the alley and stilled. He could do this. That had been someone's daughter and there had probably been more before her and if he didn't do anything now, there would be more after. Jasper jumped down from the ledge of the window and down a story to land next to the unconscious man whose jeans were still down.

The fall hadn't been much but it had been enough to knock him out. Jasper slapped him hard enough to wake him up. The man who was in his late 40s and a bit over weight for his height was coming to when Jasper had an idea.

Making sure that the man was listening he grabbed on to the scruff around his collar and pulled him up against the wall. The man was struggling against Jasper and trying to scream but the hand around his neck was making it impossible.

"I'm going to kill you," Jasper said slowly and clearly, "Lord forgive me for what I'm about to do but I'll only do it this one time. How unfair would it be if I killed you now and sent you off with no pain?" Jasper didn't expect an answer but he was satisfied with the sudden stiffness that went through the mans body. "Don't worry, it'll only hurt for a second but you're going to hurt for eternity in hell." Jasper smiled and pulled the mans erection clean off.

Every time he heard of rapes he had envisioned doing exactly this to those bastards. A hot rage always went through him when he heard of underage rape. It wasn't that he had an exclusive vindictiveness against rapists, but he supposed his feelings were expanded by the fact that he had nothing to take his anger out on. Now he did and he didn't regret it when the man crumbled to the floor in a silent scream.

Jasper kicked him under the ribs and saw him fall on his back still clutching his nether regions in shock and pain. Jasper bent down and drained the man quickly. He tasted horribly of drugs and something else Jasper couldn't quite put his finger on.

Truthfully Jasper was a bit ashamed afterwards as he walked back to the main streets. He would have to be more careful about his hunting's and not be so clumsy or vengeful but it had been his first true hunt. Not a slip. No more slips.

He was feeling much better about himself when he immerged onto a street with a few clubs in it. There was more light on this part of the street so he hid closely to the shadows whenever he could find any. He would have to get contacts soon or not leave until the next day. He planned a clean run to Texas and a stay with his friends Peter and Charlotte. They led a lifestyle like the one he wanted to lead and he couldn't think of a better place to start healing.

He was nearing his turn when he heard something that made him stop in his tracks.

"Oh not again," she said looking in her purse desperately. She was digging for something before looking up and checking her phone, "I still have time." She put her small purse into her jacket and took off in the direction that she had been coming from in a trot. Jasper followed her only to convince himself that she was an hallucination.

Bella turned her trot into a small jog and didn't notice the vampire tailing her. _She's older _Jasper thought and not just in age. Her hair was different, her clothes were definitely more revealing but the most surprising thing of all was her step.

Not once had she tripped or fallen in those high heels of hers. Her jacket kept her well hidden from preying eyes and from the wind of the night which brought with it her scent. _She even smells different_ thought Jasper. _That can't be Bella _even though a part of him was sure it was. Instead of Freshia's she smelled like expensive perfume and apples.

Jasper delighted himself in the memory of her scent as she walked into a building feeling nervous and tired. Jasper followed her emotions and then realized she had only gone back to what he could only assume was her apartment for one thing because she was already descending the stairs looking even more rushed than before.

He knew he should just let her be and continue on his own way but he was a firm believer that everything happened for a reason and he wanted to know why he had run into Bella. Apparently she didn't live far from where she needed to go which Jasper realized was a club (of course dressed like that where else?). Instead of going in through the front entrance of a club named Blue she walked around the line and towards the back. He followed closely behind but she never looked back.

He stopped in the alley that she had just walked down from and heard her talk to someone.

"Hey sugar, made it right on time. What kept you?" he heard the sound of a southern accent coming from a girl near the back entrance.

Then he heard Bella speak, "Forgot my pen and pad, you know how Anthony gets when I forget it."

"Rough week," said the girl who smelled like smoke and alcohol but Jasper knew the only thing in her system was tobacco, generic store bought tobacco. "And Anthony isn't here so you're lucky Belly." She laughed at herself and stepped aside to let Bella through to the back door.

Jasper heard Bella shuffle and call out to her friend before the door closed, "See you inside Angel."

Jasper leaned against the wall of the club where he could hear and feel the pounding of the music like his own dead heartbeat. He should leave, he should never think of this night again and let Bella wither away into a forgotten memory. He should do exactly what Edward had wanted of them two years ago, let her live her life but…

There was an indescribable pull that he couldn't ignore. Even though he had seen her for fifteen minutes there was no denying it, he couldn't leave without talking to her first. It wasn't something he could explain he just had to do it.

For old times sake?

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**Please review, it helps my imagination pay the bills.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't approve of underage drinking but I'm not stupid enough to think people don't do it. Bare in mind that if you're going to drink that you should do it responsibly. Don't be a dumb dumb.**

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"I think you know what I want," Bella heard Jasper say even though music was blasting in her ears and making the walls, the floor and her body shake. She stared into Jasper's blood filled eyes and wondered why she wasn't more afraid of him. He had obviously been feeding on human blood and he was surely insinuating he wanted hers as well.

Edward had always made it clear that Bella was to stay away from Jasper because he had a harder time adapting to the vampire 'vegetarian' lifestyle. Bella felt however that there had been more to Edward's possessive behavior. Perhaps it was because Bella's blood sang to him and Jasper had been an immediate threat but because Jasper was family Edward couldn't just snap his fingers and get rid of him.

Perhaps Edward thought Jasper was a personal threat to their relationship or maybe Edward was just Edward and he felt it was his mission in life to control every aspect of Bella's and his families lives.

"Is Edward here?" Bella asked while she looked around her; dreading to find the family standing behind her. She looked back at Jasper who she could see chuckling but not hear. Instead of answering her, Jasper shook his head, 'No'. Bella felt relieved for a second before wondering why Jasper was here if not because Edward was too or maybe Edward had sent him? But that didn't seem likely seeing as how hard he had tried to keep them apart from each other.

Instead of just staring at his eyes Bella let her eyes wander and looked at Jasper properly. He looked rough, like he hadn't slept in days. Which was true, he hadn't slept in many many years. Only then did Bella realize she didn't know exactly how long that was.

None the less he looked haggard, not dirty but slightly tussled like he'd been laying on the ground or rolling around in grass. He was also not wearing the preppy clothes that Bella remembered from their High School days. He had looked so odd in designer jeans and plaid sweater vests.

Jasper was wearing a leather jacket now which was zipped all the way up and Levis jeans that molded to his form perfectly. One thing that hadn't changed were the cowboy boots. Bella had always been secretly jealous that he could wear them and not seem out of place even if he wore them with slacks and a dress shirt.

Her inspection had not taken more than two seconds but she knew as soon as her eyes met Jasper's that he had noticed.

"You look different," she whispered knowing he would hear her. "In a good way," she added.

Jasper's eyes ran over her body like hers had done seconds ago to him except he took his time and didn't bother hiding it.

Finally he looked up at her face and met her eyes, "You look different too," he smirked and added, "In a good way."

Bella muttered a quick thank you and looked back at the clock on the wall. She was off now. She couldn't excuse herself to go back to work, not that she wanted too but being around Jasper was starting to make her nervous. What did he want?

She was aware that Jasper was watching her but she didn't know what to say. She noticed him watch her struggle and he seemed to be amused. He was enjoying himself.

"If there's nothing you need I'll just go," Bella turned around and walked towards the employee offices with a purpose. She knew she was sacrificing her tips which she really needed but decided she could be extra nice and fast the next day to make up for her day lost. She went into the office, grabbed her things and dashed out of there. She knew Jasper meant trouble whether he was playing her like she knew Victoria would or whether he was just stopping by to torment her.

He was part of the family who had left her alone and unprotected. A family who had lied and hurt her. She had worked hard to mend herself and she wouldn't stand there and take Jasper's shit.

Bella was half way home in the blink of an eye. It was raining slowly and she looked out of place in tall heels and short shorts. Her jacket being the only thing protecting her from the wind and rain. She kept looking behind her periodically to make sure Jasper wasn't following her but even if he was she couldn't stop him.

She was alone on the street except for a few people walking hurriedly to shelter under their umbrellas that masked their faces. Anyone could be Jasper, anyone could be Victoria.

Even though people passed her and disappeared she still felt followed, watched, stalked. Somehow and she couldn't really say why she knew that who ever was watching her was not the same person who had watched her all week. It felt different, dangerous.

When she saw her apartment building where only her and another tenant lived she breathed a sigh of relief. She knew walls couldn't keep whatever was out there from hurting her but her home brought some sort of comfort to her. It was unexplainable.

When she was ready to cross the street she felt a rush of air that was definitely not the wind and a pull on her arm. Someone had a vice like grip on her and before she could so much as struggle she was across the street and being pulled up the stairs to her apartment by someone very strong and fast.

Her first instinct was to scream but when she saw her aggressor turn around and realized it was Jasper the scream became stuck somewhere in her throat. They were up the stairs in a flash and he was reaching for her zipper on the jacket she was wearing. She didn't have time to wonder what he was doing before it was zipped down and he was pulling her purse away from her. He had her keys out and in her lock just as panic started setting in.

Her home wasn't safe. He knew where she lived and he wasn't bothering to try to hide the fact that he was a vampire. Anyone could have seen him outside.

Jasper pushed Bella inside her apartment and he halted outside for a minute before stepping in slowly. She had never seen anyone act like that, it was like he was considering entering. He looked at her oddly before going to the window without a word and opening the blinds fully.

"Someone was following you," he said without turning around and slightly opened her window that made her already uninsulated cold apartment even more unbearable.

"Yeah, you were," Bella said throwing her bag on her bed and going to the door, "Please go Jasper, I'm not in the mood."

Jasper looked taken aback and he stepped away from the window to go over to her. At first she thought he really was going to leave but then he stuck out his hand and shut the door.

"A vampire was following you," he said it like she was deaf or stupid.

"Listen," Bella said opening the door again, "if you're going to be the bearer of old news then come back another day or don't come back at all."

Jasper shut the door again and got between her and the knob. "Old news…you knew someone was following you?"

"I'm not some dumb human like you Cullen's seem to think I am," she said putting her hands on her hips so she could stop from slapping him. She knew she would only hurt herself and truth be told she was a bit scared and angry at having her worries be confirmed; by a Cullen no less.

"I never thought you were dumb," he said rolling his eyes, "and I'm not a Cullen so please stop calling me that."

This made Bella take a step back. He wasn't a Cullen anymore? He had red eyes, he had followed her, he didn't want to leave. Bella looked around her desperately for some sort of weapon but couldn't find anything that would hurt a vampire. She looked back at him and realized she had backed away all the way up to her bed. So this is how she would die?

"Now though," Jasper said crossing his arms and looking a bit angry himself, "you're acting mighty stupid."

Bella huffed and shivered. Not only was the room extremely cold now but there was a very angry vampire standing five feet away from her.

Jasper sighed audibly and walked over to the window, looked out once more and shut the glass and pulled down the blinds. It was darker now that her room wasn't illuminated by the street lamps outside. She didn't hear him walk to the light switch but in the next moment he was standing by it and the room was filled with light from her desk lamp. She didn't have a kitchen and the only other light would have been her bathroom.

"What do you want?" Bella asked a little afraid of the answer. A voice was telling her that Jasper wouldn't hurt her but every other aspect of tonight was drowning it out.

"At first I just wanted to talk," he said walking around her room looking at what little possessions she had, "but then I caught the scent of that vampire outside your apartment which was odd because it's the first time in a week that the scent has appeared, on a rainy day too. Recent I bet."

"So you have been following me all week," Bella said in disbelief. She'd known of course but she was hoping she was just getting paranoiac. "Are all vampires this way? Intrusive and manipulative."

"Would you rather I had not made myself known and let you walk into an apartment with a vicious vampire who would have drained you by now?" Jasper said picking up a little red bag full of scented apple potpourri.

"There was no one in here," Bella said with a little quiver in her voice. Of course she wasn't sure of that but everything looked the same, untouched and the window had been closed.

Jasper put the little bag down and briefly looked at Bella before moving onto the next item, "No there wasn't," he picked up a gift Angel had given her the first week of work and bounced it lightly in his hands. "They stopped right outside your door and turned around."

Bella tried to form the word what but just made a tiny noise and formed the word with her mouth. She sighed and with a resignation she couldn't quite understand she began taking off her jacket and threw her heels in a corner. She needed something hot and she needed to make it Irish if she was going to sit through this.

She walked over to her desk where she had put a coffee maker and turned it on then walked over to her closet and grabbed a box near the top shelf that looked like any other shoe box. Anthony usually got samples from companies that wanted to have their alcohol in his clubs but he hated beggars and he gave the samples out to his employees. Angel didn't drink as often as everyone thought so she'd given Bella her stash even though Bella wasn't old enough to drink.

She decided that now was as good a time to start. She looked back at Jasper who wasn't paying attention to her. He was looking down at Angel's gift.

"It's supposed to be for good luck or something," she said walking over to the coffee pot and pouring herself a cup. She unscrewed the tiny bottle of whatever alcohol she had grabbed blindly from the box and poured a generous amount into the mug. "She gave it to me as a birthday present when I started working at Blue."

"It's not for good luck," he said placing it back in it's place, "it's for protection, it's what saved your life."

Bella had taken a swig of her cup and shivered at the strength of the black coffee and alcohol making it's way through her system. Surely she had heard him wrong.

"Well goody," she sat on her bed and felt her boobs push up. Nobody was meant to sit down while wearing a corset but the alcohol was doing it's job and Bella felt more careless and carefree already. She set the mug next to her bed and looked in Jasper's general direction. What did he want? Was he being serious about the gift?

"For protection huh?" she said crossing her legs and putting a pillow on her lap for modesty. "You believe in that stuff?"

"You believe in vampires, don't make me sound like I'm the crazy one Bella." Jasper leaned against her desk but stared out the window.

"Edward wanted me to forget that you guys existed, blissful thinking…" she took another swig of her cup and closed her eyes as she felt herself warm up. "I guess if I can believe vampires and werewolves exist then stuff like that," she pointed at the bag, "can also exist."

When she had mentioned werewolves Jasper looked at her. He seemed a bit surprised but not at all put off.

"It's a common gift among voodoo priestess. Am I right to assume your friend is from New Orleans?" Bella nodded and took another drink from her cup, "Maybe she knows a lot more than she's letting on."

Bella shrugged. At least Angel had given her a protection gift. "If the Cullen's aren't here and you're not going to kill me-"

"How do you know I'm not going to kill you?" he asked smirking and it just confirmed to her that he wasn't going to.

She breathed in deeply and bit her bottom lip hoping her assumption wasn't wrong, "Because you would have already, you never struck me as the person who would play with his food." Jasper nodded and made Bella feel reassured.

"So then why are you here?" she asked taking another sip of her Irish coffee.

"I'm trying to figure that out," Jasper said walking over to her bed and sitting down next to her. Bella leaned back against the wall where her bed was pushed up against. She could see him better from this angle and whether it was the coffee or the long day she felt weird. Like she wanted to be closer but not quite.

She laid down against the wall and onto her bed. She was very tired and her eyes were closing on their own. The voice inside her head told her to stay awake. That Jasper Cullen…or just Jasper was in her apartment trying to figure out why he was there. That she hadn't seen a Cullen in two years and that it was ridiculous for her to be falling asleep but it was out of her control. She closed her eyes and dreamed about the meadow. It was sunny and birds were chirping. She was happy because she had found it after weeks of searching for it.

Suddenly clouds started to hover above her and she heard growls from one side of her and a hissing from the other. The wolves jumped out of some trees and instead of Laurent it was Victoria that was there. Victoria jumped over Bella and started fighting the wolves. She had her teeth sunk into Jacob and Bella was screaming. Victoria looked back at her, her red hair stained dark with Jacobs blood and she mouthed, 'You're next'.

Bella awoke with a start and a burning in her throat. She was sweating like a pig, her hair sticking to her neck and her sheets were tangled around her legs in a way she wouldn't have managed even if she were awake. She groaned out loud and was thankful that it was still night time because her eyes felt like they could have stuck together.

She needed a shower and some water ASAP. Even though her head spun and she felt like her stomach would fall out of her ass she managed to get out of bed and only stumbled slightly.

She undid the back of her corset and when she was about to take it off the light in her apartment turned on. Bella wheeled around and gasped when she saw Jasper sitting in her desk chair looking amused.

"No please, don't stop." He said nonchalant while his smirk quivered between a grin and a full out smile.

"What in the world are you doing here Jasper!" Bella screamed and hugged her corset tighter. She wasn't aware that the action was pushing her breasts up but it was less than Jasper would have seen.

She had been sure he had been a dream or a figment of her imagination brought on by a week of hard work. And even if he had been real what was he still doing there?

"Well you fell asleep while we were talking," he said walking over to her bathroom and turned the light on in there. He glanced at her then scanned the room for what she later found out was a towel. When he walked back into the bathroom Bella heard the shower running and then Jasper was there, standing next to the doorway. "I thought it would be rude if I left while we still had a conversation to finish."

"Are you calling me rude?" Bella said after a while. She was still standing there half naked and shivering. She knew her shower would take a while to warm up anyway.

"Your voice is hoarse," Jasper said suddenly and he was back in the bathroom and out of it before Bella could blink, "I saw this in there," he handed her an emergency water bottle she stored in there for when she would wake up thirsty at night. She would leave that water bottle inside her medicine cabinet.

"Did you go through my apartment while I was asleep?" Bella asked opening the water bottle with one hand and her legs. "Who's being rude now?"

Jasper shrugged and watched her drink. Her throat felt better and she didn't feel as dizzy anymore.

"My god," she said when the water bottle was finished, "what in Gods name did I drink?" She looked at Jasper and found him smiling. Smiling like she remembered. Not grinning or smirking, this time it was genuine. "What?" she asked.

"I didn't know you drank," he said. "Well, to be fair there are a lot of things I didn't know about you." He looked down at her outfit again and Bella couldn't help but squirm. Why did he keep doing that?

"Too sexy? Too revealing? Perhaps indecent?" Bella asked going over to her drawers and taking out a bathrobe. She put it on and let the corset fall before covering herself up and turning to look back at Jasper. "Your brother would die all over again if he saw me in this."

Jasper's face fell, "He's not my brother and there's nothing wrong with what you're wearing."

"Jasper," Bella said ignoring the steam coming out from the bathroom, "What happened? Why are you even here?"

"The Cullen's and I weren't working out Bella," he looked down at his hands and flexed them, "I've done a lot of bad….horrible things in my past and when I do something right you would expect things to be different. The Cullen's and I have a different meaning of what is right and what is wrong. So I stopped by here to get some papers from my human contact and when I was going to leave, you crossed my path."

Bella was about to ask when but she assumed it was about a week ago. What she was really yearning to ask was what had happened to Alice but she couldn't get herself to say anything but her name. She had once been her best friend, almost a sister but maybe she also had a different definition for what that was.

"We're divorcing," Jasper said simply, "She proved to me that she was not my mate."

"But you loved her," Bella argued. If Jasper and Alice couldn't make it through a little fight then where was the hope for everyone else.

"Eternity is a long time to spend with someone whose not right for you Bella," Jasper stood and came close to her, "I rather be alone than unhappy. It's bad enough that the world plays mind games with us, I couldn't do it to myself too."

Bella was about to ask him what he meant before he was pushing her into the bathroom.

"Jeez, do I stink that bad?" Bella asked letting him push all he wanted.

"You smell more like other men than you do alcohol," she noticed him wrinkle his nose, "I don't like it. I almost broke a table when I saw that man earlier smack you, but you handled yourself in a way that made me really proud Bella."

"You saw that?" she asked smiling despite herself. Jasper nodded. He was leaning against the door frame and staring into her eyes.

"You really do look different Bella," he said crossing his arms. "I'm sorry for that." It was Bella's turn for her face to fall. She wasn't sure what he was apologizing for but if his red eyes were clues as to what, she had a pretty good guess.

"The birthday party?" she croaked. Jasper nodded, his eyes darting to the floor. "Jasper, I never blamed you. I forgave you the minute it happened. There are a million things that would have happened to make Edward decide to leave me. It was never your fault and it's silly that you are taking blame."

"You were always too kind for your own good," Bella rolled her eyes and made to shut the door. "Bella," Jasper called at the last minute, "when you get out I want to talk about the vampire who has been following you."

Bella nodded, shut the door and leaned against it; she was breathing deeply. No matter how much Edward tried to get her to part with her past it seemed that it didn't want to leave her and she didn't have the strength to run away from it anymore. She had to face her demons.

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**Tell me how you think I'm doing and where you believe this story is headed, I'm curious. If you want a nice fluffy story I think you should look elsewhere though.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I've been doing a good job of updating every Monday and we'll see how that keeps going (: Thank you for the reviews, they mean a lot.**

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Jasper waited for Bella in her room while she showered. He tried to ignore her emotions and it dawned on him that it was not so hard. Back in Forks she had been an open book and not just for the family but for everyone else. He hadn't had the need to feel her emotions to know what she was feeling, simply looking at her face would do.

Now however it was like he was in the presence of a completely different person. He wouldn't go so far as to say that she had become, hard; but she had changed. She guarded her emotions with such ferocity that Jasper wondered if she was stopping a flood from getting out or preventing one.

"Aw sh-" he heard Bella say and then something dropped in the shower. For an instant he smelled blood and smiled, at least she was still somewhat clumsy. The blood washed away quickly but Jasper had smelled it. Two years ago that heavenly smell had caused him to become a crazed vampire. It still made his mouth water but it in a completely different way.

Jasper stood and walked over to the bathroom door, "Everything okay?" he called. By the sounds of it Bella had been shaving and cut herself.

"Yeah I'm fine sorry for that!" He heard the shower cut off and Bella fumbling to reach for the towel. "Be out in a sec!"

Jasper leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms. Nothing had gone according to his plan. He imagined Bella being scared by his first comment earlier in the evening but the fear he had felt had not been directed at him. She was not scared of him at all, she was scared that his presence meant that the Cullen's were back. She didn't need to say it aloud for him to know, he could have guessed when she looked around the club dreading to find a Cullen.

What confused him was why she would dread that. When she had talked about Edward it hadn't been with affection or love; she had been detached and cold. He thought she had blamed him for the birthday party incident and that's why he had apologized but she had never blamed him, so why was she dreading seeing the Cullen's?

Jasper remembered the day Edward had come back from Bella's after the birthday party. He stopped by the door and without looking at any of them he told them they were leaving. That Bella had wised up and decided she needed space. Jasper had felt terrible, he had volunteered to go over with Alice to apologize but Edward put a stop to that almost immediately. He never considered the whole thing to be fake because his own emotions were overwhelming him. Now though he definitely considered it.

Bella opened the door to the bathroom and shrieked when she saw Jasper standing so close to the opening, "Are you trying to kill me?" she asked hurrying over to a dresser and taking out clothes, "could you act a little less like a vampire for my sake?" She rushed back into the bathroom and he heard her putting on clothes.

Jasper took a step back from the door and uncrossed his arms. He didn't know what to do with his hands so he just stuck them in his jean pockets. When Bella opened the door again, slower this time, she peaked out and saw him standing in her room awkwardly.

"Thanks," she said walking barefoot to her bed and sitting cross legged. She was wearing a giant white knit sweater but no pants. She caught Jasper staring and before he could pretend he wasn't looking she smiled and covered her legs with her comforter. "I have to do laundry, sorry."

"Don't," Jasper smiled devilishly and he wondered where that was coming from. Earlier he had teased her and he had insinuated certain thing's but she had been wearing a revealing outfit. He had planned to drop his antics but he couldn't seem to find the strength.

"You have an accent," Bella said suddenly, a burst of curiosity hit Jasper the next second, "it doesn't sound as strong as Angel's."

"Years of repressing it," Jasper explained. "Alice didn't like it." Bella's face fell. Jasper could feel her conflicting emotions. She was mad and disappointed and a bit of sadness lingered in the background. "Speaking of Angel," Jasper tried to change the subject, "how much do you know about her Bella?"

"Oh no no no," Bella said shaking her head and wagging her finger at him like a dog, "don't you go all Cullen and try to intervene in my life Jasper Cullen, I can handle myself," she lied.

"I told you I'm not a Cullen anymore, if you get the urge to call me by my last name again then please know that it's Whitlock." Jasper paused and watched for Bella's reaction. She wasn't angry but it looked like he had shaken her. For a minute he thought she wasn't going to respond, then he saw her sit up a bit straighter.

"I've handled myself just fine without you or any other vampire for the past two years Jasper, the way I see it this vampire smelled your scent and it got scared and ran away. I probably won't hear or see from it in a long time so you don't need to worry."

"Is that really what you see?" he asked standing up and walking over to the bed but he did not sit down. Bella looked up at him and nodded. "Okay Bella, I'll just go then if you're so sure."

"Bye," she said looking away. When she looked back at where Jasper had stood he was gone. Bella had half a sense to call after him and tell him she didn't mean it but the alarm clock on her desk told her it was time to start the day. She always woke up at 6, just before the sun rose and readied for her day no matter what it held for her. Vampire or no vampire she had student loans to pay and an apartment to maintain. She had her health and as far as she knew Charlie was okay. Anything that could happen to her could just happen as long as nothing ever touched Charlie.

She knew she was being delusional but being hopeful instead of realistic seemed more optimistic. Hope springs eternal right? She sighed and started to pick up dirty clothes and strip her bed. As she was going to bring her dirty stuff to the laundry room her and the other tenant shared she happened to glance at Angel's gift.

She put her dirty things on the floor and picked up the gift. It was a simple porcelain doll. Not like the creepy blue eyed curly haired ones. It didn't look realistic at all or for that matter fragile. A kid could play with this and toss it around and it would never break. In fact she remembered dropping it on her tile floor once and there wasn't a single scratch on it. The doll was small, smaller than her palm and it had long black hair that looked a lot like hers. The porcelain was tough but smooth and it formed a thin body. Bella realized the doll looked a lot like her. She put it back on her desk, a bit closer to the door and picked up her clothes to take to the laundry room. She should have asked Jasper exactly how that gift had saved her life...

She was feeling increasingly more guilty about how she had reacted to Jasper's question the more loads she put into the wash. It wasn't his fault the other Cullen's had been so damn intrusive. He had kept her safe in the hotel room when they had gone to Phoenix. Some of the little interaction she had with Jasper had been then. She remembered asking him why they were there, risking their family to protect her and he had said she was worth it.

Bella leaned against one of the driers and looked out the small window in the laundry room. It looked out onto the street, it was raining; again. And there was a vampire outside who had been to her door probably wanting to go inside. Probably sent by Victoria to bring Bella to her or take care of Bella for her.

But Bella had kept herself alive hadn't she? Or had Victoria decided to let her live a while longer? That had been her plan at first.

Bella rubbed her hands on her face for a moment and closed her eyes.

It was the day after graduation and she had slept in. Jacob was supposed to be over later to help her pack for college. Charlie had gone out fishing with Billy and left hours earlier and Bella had never felt better since the Cullen's departure a couple months back. She had gone from barely alive to zombie to almost human. With the help of Jacob, her little big wolf she had gotten a bit of herself back.

There was no Renee to take care of, Charlie was doing fine, there was no possessive and overbearing boyfriend to worry about. All she had to care for was college and student loans and classes.

But that all changed the very same day. For months since Laurent's visit werewolves had been changing in the La Push area. Bella still feared encountering Victoria but she felt safe with Jacob around. Hadn't she heard a play by play of how the wolves had taken care of Laurent? Hadn't she forced herself to trust them? If they could kill Laurent then surely they could kill Victoria.

Bella remembered walking down the stairs and instantly feeling like something was off. There was a breeze in the room that only came when Charlie forgot to close a window or when he left the door open. When she rounded the corner to the kitchen she gasped. The glass doors to their backyard were definitely open but it was what was on them that made her take a step back. Attached to the glass doors was a note that Bella carefully made her way over too.

This had to be from her. Who else would smear blood on every inch of her glass doors?

_Little Bella, I have not forgotten about you. You will pay for the death of my mate and the death of my servant. Live your life as I plan the best way to torture you. You'll always look over your shoulder wondering when I'll strike but be sure that I will._

It was not signed but it didn't have to be. Bella rushed over to her cabinets for some rags and into her old laundry room for bleach. She had to get rid of the blood before Charlie got home. She was on autopilot, she didn't know what to make of the note but she knew she couldn't leave.

Victoria would just follow, she couldn't tell Charlie because that put him in more trouble than he already was and would he have even believed her? After an hour of cleaning she had decided that her only option was to keep going and meet Victoria when Victoria was ready. In the meantime the werewolves would keep an eye on Charlie and maybe even catch the redhead.

But it had been two years and Bella hadn't heard of or seen Victoria. Everything was normal according to Jacob and Charlie was now dating the Clearwater's mom. Suddenly Jasper shows up and so does another vampire and her life is in mortal peril again?

That same exasperation and anger bubbled up inside her again from when she had realized how stupid she had been to fall for Edward. He wasn't her mate, or else he would have come back. He hadn't really loved her or he wouldn't have left. And the one thing she was sure about, he had never respected her and their relationship had been unbalanced. He was a controlling know it all prick who left her in the woods. What an idiot. What if Laurent or Victoria had shown up then?

A part of her knew it would be wise to keep Jasper close but the other didn't want help, didn't need it. And even if she did want Jasper back, he was gone. She hadn't asked him where he was staying or what his number was.

With Jasper she could have had answers and protection, if he had volunteered. Without him, she was closer to death.

Bella grabbed her things once they were out of the drier and hurried onto her apartment. She kicked her door shut and the vibrations of her studio apartment caused Angle's gift to fall on the floor. She didn't know if it worked just inside the house or on its own but she grabbed it nonetheless and stuffed the doll into her purse. It couldn't hurt.

**I know it's short but I'm writing this story different to my other stories. I'm trying something new if you will.**

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews, they're the best payment a writer could ever get.**

**Please review! :)  
**

**-Maria  
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	5. Chapter 5

**Here's a super long chapter because I was three days late.**

**P.S Thank you for all the wonderful reviews.**

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"Here are your rounds and Michael is going to help you take the waters!" Angel called from the other side of the bar, her eyes gleamed as she made eye contact with who Bella could only assumed was Michael standing behind her. Bella nodded and took her tray not bothering to hide the scowl on her face as she made her way through the crowd with the new waiter tailing her and copying her every move.

It had been two miserable weeks since she last saw Jasper. The guilt from basically shooing him away was eating her up. Not only that but school had never been a bigger bitch and she had actually quit her day job at the coffee house. She was starting to realize that if she wanted to graduate college alive she would have to grow two more arms and never sleep, ever. And she wasn't sleeping, that was another thing.

The nightmares had returned and everywhere in them she saw red. Everyone in her dreams had red hair and there were blood stained walls in every direction she looked. She would turn and toss constantly, barely getting enough sleep to get through school and homework. Her life had taken such a shitty turn somewhere that she wondered how she had managed to survive this long.

Anthony must have heard that Bella was having a bad time because when he came in today he called her into his office and explained to her that she would be training a new waiter. Sure Michael was a nice treat for the eyes but he was a slow learner, bless him at least he was trying. He had also proven quite useful with the drunken men who usually gave Bella a rough time. Michael wasn't exactly built to withstand a storm as he had pouted when he heard he had to carry some boxes to the freezer but the drunken idiots Bella was serving didn't have to know that.

Despite being the most busy she had been in all of her life she still had time to think about Jasper. Every time she walked outside and felt watched she wondered if it was him. Was it someone else? Either way when ever she felt eyes on her she didn't call out. What if she acknowledged the feeling hoping for Jasper and it turned out to be someone else? She also thought about how unusually restless she was. Like she was missing a part of her, a part she couldn't live without but she didn't know what that was.

It was like forgetting something behind and already being half way to your destination when you remembered. Except that feeling was intensified ten fold and she couldn't help connect Jasper with that feeling. Perhaps it was just that she missed seeing a Cullen or a vampire for that matter. They had been her whole life for a while. Edward had made her quit the vampire life cold turkey and then Jasper goes ahead and reintroduces her to it and now she's like a crack whore who just got her first taste and wants more.

"Ouch," Bella yelled trying to balance on her heels. Michael had been pushed into her by some dancing couple and he had rammed into her. It didn't annoy her that he couldn't still walk through a crowd, it annoyed her that he had interrupted her thoughts. She looked behind her and noticed him grimace in apology. She rolled her eyes and sighed. He couldn't hear her but she had gotten her point across. He gave her some space until they delivered the drinks then Bella took off and left him behind. She was so done with the training. She just wanted to push Michael off the nest and cross her feathers in the hope that he could fly.

"Sorry about that," Michael said into Bella's ear when he was back at the bar. He had to get extremely close so that she could hear him over the loud music, he didn't know yet that everyone mouthed things to each other to avoid the closeness. Bella excused herself before she punched him in the gut. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She was so unreasonably irritated that it was bordering on ridiculous.

Back in the employee offices she paced and tried to regulate her breathing. She had to find Jasper, she didn't know why but this was his fault. Her hands felt like electricity was running through them so she tried to busy herself with readjusting her tights and checking the straps on her heels. Finally she just reached into her locker for her phone.

She was surprised to see 10 recent missed calls. After some closer inspection she realized they were from Jacob.

Bella struggled with the numbers, never having gotten used to using advanced technology but eventually she got her phone to dial Jacob's number.

"Bella, where the hell have you been? I've been calling you for ages!" a part of Bella was relieved to hear Jacob's voice but the urgency in it made her stomach turn.

"I've been working, what's wrong?" she was biting her finger nails in fear of what was to come.

"Bella," Jacob said a bit more calm, maybe he could hear the fear in her voice, "I have it under control. I came over to your house to give Charlie some things that dad had for him and I smelled a vampire in your house, it's fine it's fine Charlie is okay…" Bella had started to panic and interrupt him, "it was an old scent and it was mostly just in your room. I followed the trail and Bella uh you're not going to believe it but I think it was one of the Cullen's."

"Jasper!" Bella yelled. She knew it had to be him, it just had to. "Jake I'm coming I have to talk to him."

"What! No Bella you should stay I told you, I have everything under-"

"No, I messed up. This might be my only chance to talk to him. I'll be over this weekend," it was like a fire had been lit inside Bella, like she had found that missing piece she had lost.

"Bella," Jacob said a bit anxiously, "what if I'm wrong, it could have been someone sent by Victoria again. I followed the scent to their house and then it disappeared in the forest. I was already breaching our treaty by going there, there's only so much I can protect you from."

"I'm sorry Jacob but I have to see if it was Jasper, I can't explain it I just have to. He might have smelled Victoria, he doesn't know that she sent Laurent. He doesn't know anything and now he's involved and I can't just let him wonder around there where she might attack him."

"Wasn't that leach the pixie's boyfriend?" Jacob asked as if only just noticing why Bella was so desperate to be in Forks, "you were dating the brother not him, what's going on Bella?"

Bella checked the clock on the wall, she was close to the end of her 15 minute break, "He showed up the other day, he caught a scent near my apartment and thought I should know. I messed up and sent him away. If Victoria is smart she will already know the Cullen's left Forks, there's no reason for one of her vampires to visit their house, it has to be Jasper."

She heard Jacob curse and say _Another vampire?!_ Then curse again. "Listen, Sam doesn't want anyone going by their house anymore so if it is him there's no way I will know until you come here. Just be smart Bella, don't fall for their lies again…"

"Don't say that Jacob," Bella noticed the warning in her voice. She hadn't defended a Cullen in years, "Just keep an eye on Charlie for me please, it's all I ask."

"Whatever, just call me when you're in town and I'll stay as close as possible in case it's not the leech."

"Thanks Jake," Bella said picking up her purse and shoving it back into her locker.

"By Bells." The line went dead. Bella felt better than she had in weeks. Suddenly life didn't seem so bleak.

She didn't know if she should stop directly at the Cullen house or if she should go to Charlie's first but the stop at the gasoline store 30 minutes outside of Forks helped her decide. If it wasn't Jasper who Jacob had smelled and she went to the Cullen house there was a chance she could meet this vampire and die. She didn't want to die before seeing Charlie one last time.

Having decided that she would do the reasonable thing and stop by Charlie's first, also giving her time to warn Jacob about her final decision to go to the Cullen house, she started her truck and pushed it the last 30 minutes.

There was snow on the ground and the wind shook her truck dangerously. She knew the only way Jacob could protect her was if he went with her to the Cullen's. He wouldn't be able to catch a scent with this wind but he could hear any confrontation that could happen. She didn't want to get him in trouble with Sam but maybe she could take the blame later. It wasn't like Sam didn't already hate her. She had all of his wolves on the search on a daily basis for a vampire hell bent on killing her.

Bella spent the rest of the ride deep in thought. Her insides hadn't yet managed to calm since she had gotten it in her head that Jasper could be in Forks. Aside from being 100% sure that it was him she dreaded it not being him. She wasn't sure if she could leave Charlie again if it turned out that Victoria had sent someone to check on her.

Her truck making ungodly noises brought Bella back to the present. She could see Charlie's house now. The familiar cruiser sat in the driveway covered with a white sheet to protect it from the snow. She also saw another car next to his. It was a brand new Jeep. She wondered why Ms. Clearwater needed such a nice car and a part of her, a much more vain part of her asked herself how she could afford it. Everyone knew Ms. Clearwater lived for her children since her husband passed away. She would get her kids anything nice before providing for herself.

Also she wondered what she was doing there. Did Charlie want them to spend the day together? Did he expect Bella to accept her as a new mother figure? All of these thoughts and more went through Bella's mind as she parked her car behind the Jeep.

With a deep sigh she turned her truck off and ran out into the freezing wind and snow. She was on her door step in the blink of an eye and inside the house the next. She knew from living with a cop that what she had just done was dangerous especially if he carried a gun around but she was glad to see that neither Charlie or Ms. Clearwater were in the living room when she had rushed in.

"Dad?" Bella called taking her jacket off, "Dad I'm home!"

"In the kitchen Bells," came Charlie's voice and then when she rounded the corner into the kitchen she saw Charlie with a flower apron and a wooden spoon trying to flip a fish over.

"Hi dad," Bella said rushing over and hugging Charlie like it was the first time in years. "I'm glad to see you haven't burned the house down…yet."

Charlie laughed and shook his head. Bella took out the proper tools to fry a fish and handed them to Charlie.

"How are you dad?" Bella asked going over to the refrigerator and taking out vegetables, "is that Ms. Clearwater's car outside, is she in the bathroom?"

"Uh…" Charlie didn't respond right away so Bella stopped looking for a cutting board to look at her dad, his mustache ruffled up like it did when he was trying to keep a secret, "I forgot to hide the car huh?"

"You didn't kill someone did you dad?" Bella laughed nervously, "are you hiding the body in the freezer?"

Charlie grinned and wiped his hands on the apron before covering the fish with the wrong lid, "Come on Bells, let me show you your new car."

Bella stood frozen for a minute or two with a knife in one of her hands and a bag of carrots in the other, "My new what?" Charlie pulled Bella out of the kitchen, knife and carrots still in hand, "Oh no dad, you didn't! We talked about this."

Charlie put on his coat and took the things out of Bella's hands to help her get outside, "No Bell's, you talked about this. I just nodded and crossed my fingers under the table."

Bella frowned at her dad but made her way outside anyway. She had to admit that it was gorgeous and it would trek well in the Seattle winter but it was too much.

"Dad," Bella whimpered stuck between hugging him and being really really mad, "you didn't have to do this, my truck is fine."

"I heard it coming from a mile away Bella, I won't have you walking to work anymore at night; especially in Seattle," Bella opened her mouth to ask who had told Charlie but she figured it must have been Jacob. "You know how I feel about that job you have so this is your punishment for taking it." Charlie's smile was contagious. In the end Bella decided to just accept the car with a strong hug and a quick ride around the block because the fish was still cooking.

An hour later the fish was done and Bella was opening the door for Billy and Jacob who were joining them for dinner.

"I figured dad could stay with Charlie while we go…well you know where," Jacob had said as soon as he had entered the kitchen. He looked exactly as she had left him. He was about a foot and a half taller than her and twice as wide with muscles on both sides. He didn't even bother putting on a full shirt, _In case I have to shift while we're at the leech mansion._

"Stop calling them that," Bella had said, surprising herself again for defending them, "be the bigger person Jake."

"I already am Bell's, I stayed remember?" Bella had elbowed him and given him the smallest fish they had cooked. In retrospect he was right, she didn't know why she was being so nice to the Cullen's in her head. Maybe this was part of growing up? Learning to let go of grudges. Sure she had inherited a crazy bitch vampire but she had survived this long, and what were they? Cowards for leaving that's what. Bella had stopped feeling sorry for herself a long time ago, it was a waste of time in her mind but the phantom ache where her heart had been ripped apart still hurt sometimes.

During those times she had Jacob to help her, not remind her. She ate her dinner in silence and cleaned afterwards while Billy and Charlie watched a game on the television. Jacob helped her as a sign of apology. He knew he had crossed a line but she understood. Jacob was going to perpetually be a 16 to 17 year old until he decided he would stop shifting. It was also in his nature to be compulsive and jealous, but Bella acted a bit wounded longer because she didn't want to take out the trash. As soon as he was back looking like the snow was evaporating off of his shoulders she decided it was time to go.

She went over to Charlie and Billy and told them she was going to take Jacob on a ride around Forks in her new car and then maybe catch a movie. Charlie only nodded but Billy told them to be careful. The man always knew, it was like he could read her mind.

"Did you tell him?" Bella asked once outside with Jacob. She saw Jacob shake his head and get into the car. The new car took Jacob's mind off of where they were going. He was nothing but a teenage boy until the wolf in him realized he was too close to the Cullen territory. Technically Bella's house was also Cullen territory but Jacob had told her that since Victoria's presence had been made known Sam had overruled part of the treaty as a way to protect the humans, Cullen land was still off bounds though.

Bella pulled her new Jeep over a mile away and gave Jacob a knowing glance through the rearview mirror as she drove away. He had taken off his wife beater and transformed in plain view. She saw him disappear into some trees and the next moment heard a loud howl. He was ready and Bella wondered if she was as well.

If she found Jasper in the house she was prepared to apologize and ask for his help. It was like someone else had made the decision for her, like she wasn't completely in on the reason as to why.

If she found something else in the house then she wondered if this vampire would be as talkative as Laurent had been, giving Jacob time to save her.

When she could see the outline of the house she felt a million things. Anger, resentment, hurt and surprisingly safe. The nearer she got the more that feeling overruled the others. It was like coming home after a long vacation.

She instantly knew that Jasper was inside the house and not because she _felt _it. There was a motorcycle parked outside half covered in snow. Somehow she didn't think Emmet would fit on one, Edward was too much of a prissy to ride one and she hardly thought Rosalie or Alice would go near one incase their hair blew all over the place. It had to be Jasper, she could see it. Him wearing a tight leather jacket and black helmet, with his boots griping the sides of the motorcycle.

Bella's heart pounded as she leapt out of her car and ran to the front door. She tried the knob but it was frozen in place so instead she just pounded on the glass, "Jasper! Open up!" she stood there freezing for a moment or two before she saw a blur on the other side of the glass and then Jasper opening the door. He pulled her inside before closing the door.

He didn't look rugged anymore, she realized he had changed clothes but kept the same style. He no longer looked like he hadn't slept in years but the crease in his forehead made it quite apparent that he was still stressed.

"Are you crazy? What are you doing here?" he asked walking her over to the living room and lighting a fire. Bella stood by watching him and shivering. "I can't believe you didn't tell me Bella! The moment I came into town I smelled her all over; in your house, here, in the forest."

"What was I supposed to say?" Bella asked, she wasn't angry she was just…entranced almost, like she couldn't believe he was here even though she had known that he was, "Hello Jasper, nice to see you. Remember that redheaded bitch that your family didn't kill? Yeah well she's after me now, what a nice day right?"

"That's not funny," he said even though the side if his lips curved upward, "how did you know I was here?" he asked taking the plastic off of a couch and directing her over to it. He was about to sit down when he looked out of a window and became completely still, after a second he seemed to relax and then looked down at her, "is that wolf outside your friend?" Bella nodded, "thought so, they're all over the place here but especially around your house and Charlie's offices."

"Jasper?" Bella asked scooting closer to the fire, "mind if I ask you something?" He didn't say yes but he also didn't say no, "why are you here? After you left I thought you'd gone for good, I'm sorry about that by the way. I shouldn't have told you to go."

"It's fine Bella. I should have seen it coming," he shrugged and looked around the room for something. He was up off the couch in an instant and when he was back he was carrying a small blanket which he draped over Bella's shoulders. "Sorry it's so cold, I wasn't expecting human company." Instead of sitting back on the couch he sat at Bella's feet, she was taken aback but then she joined him on the floor. The wood was warmer down there.

"I actually had planned to be gone for good as you said but I wanted to stop by here to pick up some valuables of mine that I didn't want the family to have," Jasper played with a piece of fabric from Bella's blanket, "I nearly rushed back to you the moment I smelled Victoria but I followed all of the scents and none of them went back to Seattle. It was strange so I just stayed, especially since you said you could handle yourself."

"Sorry about that too," Bella said smiling guiltily, "I might not be as clumsy anymore but I'm still not as strong as a vampire."

Jasper chuckled, "You're a danger magnet Bella Swan."

"Oh I know," she said airily, "I try to embrace it now, I not only surround myself with vampires but with cute vicious werewolves."

She was joking but a serious look overcame Jasper's face, "You might have something there…" he turned to look at her face to face, "with the embracing, not the werewolves. I think I know how to get rid of Victoria."

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**Please review, remember this story is not the fluffy kind. I want to know what you guys think so far so please review (:**


	6. Chapter 6

**I guess my new post days are Tuesdays/Wednesdays. Everybody has stuff to do on Mondays. Please review. No point in writing if I don't get better and I wont get better if I don't get feedback. It's an endless stupid cycle of stupidity.**

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Bella stood by one of the many windows that made up the whole back wall of the Cullen house. Jasper had just finished explaining to her what his idea of dealing with Victoria was. There had been yelling and throwing and now there was just space between them. To say Jasper was shocked was the understatement of the year. He remembered Bella wanting nothing else but being changed, even if she hadn't voiced it aloud to the family, the look on Edwards face every time something about the vampire life was mentioned around her was enough to confirm anyone's suspicions.

Jasper hadn't suggested that he change Bella, actually Jasper hadn't suggested a change at all.

"I think that if we set up enough protection around Charlie and made it seem like you were leaving out of town in fear of Victoria then maybe she would come after you. We could make her think you finally cracked." It was a good idea he thought but Bella was already shaking her head no.

"I don't know Jasper," she pulled the sheet around her closer, "even if we do leave Charlie in good hands, I would still have to have a werewolf and you around, at least. She wouldn't risk it. I've been alone for two years in Seattle and she hasn't come after me." She had explained the note that Victoria had left after her dramatic display of blood on her back door windows.

Jasper began to pace around Bella and the sofa. He couldn't hear or smell the werewolf outside anymore and wondered if he trusted Jasper enough to leave Bella behind.

His plan did seem a bit idiotic after that piece of information. Sooner or later Victoria would get wind that Jasper had been in town, in Bella's room and that Bella had been here. Maybe she would try an attack now that he had reentered her life. Then there was that vampire scent that he had caught back in Seattle too. Had that been one of Victoria's lackeys?

"I need to talk to Sam," Jasper finally said, "when we left Forks he was the alpha male in charge, is he still?" he asked. Bella nodded standing up.

"He over rid the treaty to surround the woods around my house, he told the wolfs that the Cullen house is off limits…"

"That's why your friend has left then," he said and he saw Bella make her way over to the door to look outside but it was pointless. The falling snow and wind had combined to make it impossible to see but a few feet out. Bella shut the door but she didn't look disappointed.

"Bella," Jasper said dreading to say what he needed to say, "I'm afraid that me being around may make her think that you reached out to the Cullen's. When she finds out I've been in Seattle and then here she might get scared and either run or attack. From what I know so far I'm willing to think she'll attack and I don't think it will be you."

"Charlie?" she half whispered and half yelled, it came out as a squeak.

"She'll know I'll be around you and there's a chance she'll think the other Cullen's will be around you too. She might attack Charlie in the hopes of drawing you out." Jasper walked over to her and stopped a few feet away, "maybe I should call Carlisle Bella, get Edward over here. I think that under these circumstances it would be a good idea for them to be involved. We started all of this to begin with."

Bella had stood silent and a disbelieving look came upon her, "You're crazy, of course not. I rather Victoria find me now and kill me slowly. I don't ever want to see them again Jasper, until a few days ago I wouldn't have wanted to see you either but you…you helped me. I would have never known about the vampire outside or…or Angel's gift."

"I don't understand," Jasper had known that something had happened but he didn't know what. "Why don't you want to see them?"

"Don't act like you don't know!" she dropped the sheet on the ground and stomped back into the living room looking livid, Jasper followed cautiously, "I can just see all of you now, laughing on these couches thinking how funny it was that you were going to leave me like you did. Did you all sit around and write down exactly what Edward was going to say? _You don't belong in my world Bella_, Oh I bet Rosalie came up with that one. _It'll be as if I never existed, our kind is very easily distracted Bella, Oh Bella don't do anything reckless, for Charlie!"_ She found a vase that hadn't had any plastic put over it and threw it in his direction, he stepped aside on instinct but clearly he shouldn't have because that only made things worse, "I shouldn't have come, I should have stayed in Seattle and made Victoria think I was still completely oblivious to you. What was I thinking I could trust you!"

She made to push past him but Jasper was feeling all of her anger on top of his own and when he stopped her from leaving he should have been easier on her. He caught her around the shoulders and she winced. For the first time since they'd seen each other at Blue she actually felt genuine fear and it was directed at him.

"I'm sorry, I just can't believe that you just said…Edward never told us Bella.." Bella stepped back massaging one of her shoulders and looking mildly caught off guard, "He…he told us you wanted to have some space after I tried attacking you." Jasper rubbed his eyes and pushed his hair back, he was so angry he could have smashed all the windows in the house and run after Edward to bring him back to apologize on his knees. "And here I was thinking you might be happy to see them again. Bella," he looked back at her, "I'm so sorry, I truly am sorry."

They stood silent for a moment. Neither of them had known what to say. Jasper could feel her conflicting emotions. He knew she wanted to forgive him but her pride stood in the way. It was alright with Jasper because he knew she wanted too. He knew the Bella he had met 2 and a half years ago was still under there somewhere. He was glad that she had matured into a person who didn't forgive easily anymore. Far from being a weak attribute it was a dangerous one too. Years of living on this planet had taught him that too much trust in another person could lead to trouble, Bella had gone past the point of being noble to probably being stupid. She had been the kind of girl that had been pushed around even by people who she thought had been her family. By him even and what had happened? They'd abandoned her, _the best for her _ha, more like the best for Edward.

Had he truly been her mate he would have returned. But what really made Jasper angry was his own mistakes. He had overlooked Victoria. Hadn't he told the family himself that she would be back? He alone felt the bond she had with James. Edward had read her thoughts and neither of them had pushed this on the family hard enough. He was no better than Edward.

"What are you doing?" Bella said taking a couple steps back again, "what is that?" There were tears rimming her eyes ready to fall at any moment. Jasper stepped back and composed himself, he pushed some calm towards her.

"This would all be so much easier if you were a vampire," he said but there was no promise behind his words and it wasn't a suggestion. He was just talking to fill the space.

"No it wouldn't," Bella said quietly, her voice was so low but strong at the same time. "If it wasn't Victoria coming after me it would be someone else, I don't belong in my world and I definitely don't belong in yours."

Jasper was speechless for a minute before he regained control of his voice, "Does that mean-"

"I don't want to be changed," Bella interjected, "at least not for the wrong reasons. You said it yourself, eternity is a long time to spend with someone whose not right for you, I…I don't even have anyone. I used to think Edward was right for me and look how wrong I was."

Jasper nodded and walked back to where Bella had dropped the blanket. She was feeling uncomfortably cold and she was projecting it with her emotions. They had come to a wall where Jasper didn't feel like making anymore suggestions and Bella didn't feel like saying much. After wrapping her up in the blanket again he gave her some space and she wandered around the house.

She touched certain things and frowned at others. She didn't go up to the rooms, Jasper had felt her reluctance when she saw the stairs. He sat on the couch with his head in his hands trying to think.

If Victoria had sent the vampire in Seattle to spy on Bella then how many others did she have tracking her? Was it just her and that one vampire or many more? And if in fact she did have more why wasn't she attacking? Shape shifting werewolves were strong but against an army of vampires they were helpless. He still thought she needed to leave but Bella didn't seem to like the idea of leaving Charlie or running away.

But what if he made it seem like she was just taking a vacation? Would it be worth it to go behind her back? To risk her life and his?

He looked at her standing by the window clutching the blanket to her sides. She wasn't looking outside anymore but instead at the ground. She looked like a painting standing against the glass while the snow outside swirled around making it seem like she was in some kind of blizzard. He reached out and tried to feel her emotions but they were oddly muffled. He knew she was feeling resigned, sad, angry, hopeful but it was as if he was trying to feel her though the dark, through a blizzard.

He couldn't betray her again, he would have to ease her into it and meanwhile he would plan and when he was ready he would present his plan to her in a way that she couldn't say no to. He felt like it was his responsibility. His and Edward's but seeing as she was opposed to ever seeing him again the duty fell solely on Jasper.

It was his fault she had to look over her shoulder everyday. It was his fault Charlie was watched like a prisoner in his own house. He should have made the family stay and if he couldn't have convinced them then he should have stayed. There were a lot of should have could haves but this was today and today he had to protect her.

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**Review!...Please.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Happy note of the day, I applied to UNLV (University of Nevada Las Vegas) and I got in but I didn't attend. Sorry for the day's delay. When I realized I had to start writing it was already Monday and I didn't feel anything. Then yesterday I couldn't even open the page. Today (Wednesday) I got bitten by the writing bug and I wrote it all. By the time this publishes (Thursday) I hope many of you will be unwilling to do homework and read this instead (kidding, but hopefully). I'll try to get back to updating Wednesdays. Have a great Thursday and don't forget to review!**

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"We should take you back, if your car stays out there any longer it'll be permanently frozen to the pavement." Even with Jasper's enhanced sight it was becoming difficult to see much pass the windows of the house anymore. Bella was still standing next to the glass but she might as well have stood by a white wall.

She looked a bit alarmed and Jasper could feel a million emotions soaring around her. He had to take a step back even though her emotions were muffled which still puzzled him they were abnormally strong for a human.

"But we haven't decided what we're going to do…" her voice drifted off, "did I-I assume? Jasper you don't have to help me. I owe you in fact and I'm here…and - and I didn't even ask. I'm sorry." She pulled the blanket off of her and by passed him to the living room where she folded it and laid it on the couch. "I just thought…" she was saying absently and not looking at him, "together we could stop her, I don't want to impose."

Japer was standing disbelieving a couple feet away from her. He got a sudden flashback to the unwilling Bella that used to refuse help from anyone.

"Don't do that," he said, he didn't like it. He wanted to see her strong, weak was exactly how Victoria wanted her. "We fucked up your life Bella, we should have never come back here but we did and we messed with your life and then abandoned you to clean up the mess yourself. I'm going to help you but I can't do that if you resort back to your old habits. We have to work together."

He was happy to see her nod and after a while she even gave him a small smile. He directed her to the door and half way there she stopped and turned to him, they were very close and for a wild moment Jasper thought she was going to lean in to kiss him but she was just reaching behind her. He heard a jingle and then saw her put up a set of silver keys that looked brand new.

"I can't see two inches in front of me," she pushed the keys in his direction, "could you drive?"

"You're trusting a vampire who loves fast cars to drive you home in the middle of a blizzard?" he asked taking the keys and opening the door for her. Even though there was a rush of snow that swirled around them he heard her say, _Told you I embraced danger._

**Bella POV.**

The drive back home wasn't like anything like it had been with Edward all those times. She had driven in a car with Jasper before when they had left for Phoenix and then it hadn't been like Edward either. Edward was known to the family as the fastest, perhaps smartest but there was something Edward didn't have that Jasper did. Grace.

All those years ago when she had seen Jasper play in the baseball field with the family he had stood out to her like nobody else. The way he ran, jumped, and dived seemed like he was born a vampire. It wasn't messy but it wasn't calculated. He was free. Being a vampire was his thing, everyone else seemed to be holding on too strongly to their livelihood. Jasper seemed to want to break out of it. He was in his element while he drove her car just like he had been in his element when he was running or, Bella shivered; when he was hunting.

She had never seen him hunt animals but if the face that he made when he had jumped to suck her dry was the same look he gave his prey then she never wanted to be on the receiving end of his thirst…again.

Jasper had looked over at her while she shivered and turned up the heat in the car assuming that she was cold. He drove normally and slowly albeit still a bit fast for someone driving in the middle of a blizzard. She knew he was doing it to give her some sense of being safe and she appreciated it. Normally she would have huffed and puffed about her independence and insist that he not change on account of her but this was a new car and if something happened to it Charlie would be devastated. Being in a car with a vampire hell bent on keeping her safe assuaged her doubts of being harmed in a car accident.

"I want to go somewhere warm," she said hugging herself with her arms to try to retain some of her body heat, "Angel keeps talking about visiting her grandmother in New Orleans and she has invited me several times before but the thought of being so far away from Charlie is enough to get my heart racing."

"When is she visiting?" Jasper asked. Bella looked at him and studied him for a minute. He seemed genuinely curious to know.

"Spring break." Jasper nodded and kept his eyes on the road. Bella didn't know why but something inside made her think that Jasper was up to something. He had asked a normal question and it had been followed by an honest answer but Bella got the feeling like she could see into him.

Furthering the exploration taking place within her she realized that the anxiety that had followed Jasper's departure from her apartment in Seattle had been extinguished the moment he had opened the door to the Cullen house. It wasn't the same anxiety she felt after Edward left her. When Edward left there was some resignation that stemmed from her knowledge that Edward would never return, that he had never been meant to stay.

Even though Edward leaving and Jasper leaving had been her fault both times there was a strong sense of responsibility that she felt dropped upon her shoulders the moment Jasper left. There was a fight inside her for him. She had been willing to beg for his forgiveness and help but she needn't had worried for he was already at her disposition. She would have begged and pleaded for Edward's return, she did in her dreams, but would she have done it truthfully in person? She didn't think so. Even though she didn't think about Jasper in a way other than a platonic and friendly manner, Edward's leaving was the only she could compare his too.

"Uh oh," she heard Jasper say and then felt the car stop. She turned to her right and saw the outline of her house, looking back at Jasper she noticed that he was looking in the general direction of her front door but she couldn't see anything but white snow and some shadows. "Charlie," he said when she failed to react.

"Oh!" Bella scrambled to think of a lie or some sort of way to get Jasper out of there.

"It's okay," he said taking the keys out of the ignition and getting ready to open his door, "let me get your door and just go along with me okay. He went back inside the house. Just say you ran into me."

"Why? Jasper why are you-"

"Because Charlie is in as much danger as you are. I think it's best that he knows I'm around instead of hiding me from him." Bella thought for a moment. She was getting the feeling again that Jasper was up to something. She didn't want to lie to Charlie and this seemed like one less secret that she had to keep from him.

In the end she nodded but when Jasper made to reach for the door she stopped him by putting a hand on his arm, "Your eyes," she pointed out.

"Thanks, I nearly forgot…" he took out a case from within his jacket where people normally kept their glasses and opened it up to reveal a pair of blue contact lenses, "I got these right after I ran into you. Thought they'd come in handy." Bella laughed lightly as Jasper lowered the visor and popped the contacts in quickly. "Let's go," he said when he was finished.

Jasper got out of the car and before Bella could reach the door handle he had it opened and he was pulling her out. He walked them to her front door at human speed. Bella wondered why he hadn't rushed them over instead of allowing her to freeze but her answer was delivered the moment she opened the door and saw Charlie standing by the window. He had been watching them.

"Hey dad," Bella said hearing the high pitch tone in her voice but not knowing what to do about it she just settled for ignoring it and taking her jacket off, "look who I ran into at the store." She pointed at Jasper but she noticed that Charlie only glanced at him.

"I thought you went to the movies with Jacob," he said simply crossing his arms over his puffed up chest. Oh boy.

"Yeah but Jake got sick and I drove him home," the years of lying to Charlie were finally starting to pay off, "I stopped by the store to get some batteries incase the lights go out here and I ran into Jasper."

"Where are the batteries?" the questions just kept coming.

"In Jasper's car," Bella choked, her story was crumbling.

"What were you doing in his car Bella?" Charlie said looking more and more like a cop as each second passed.

"Sir," Jasper interjected while Bella groaned, "my car failed to start in the parking lot of the store and Bella was helping me turn it on while I tried to fix something in the hood. She didn't want to leave me while I waited for the tow truck that probably isn't going to pick up my car until the blizzard is over. I didn't mean to inconvenience your daughter."

Charlie looked from Bella to Jasper seemingly unconvinced but after a moment or two he lowered his arms and walked over to Jasper. He shook his hand and Bella saw how Charlie looked at their clasped hands like he couldn't believe how cold Jasper was or how hard his handshake was, she assumed. She remembered how it had felt to touch a vampire for the first time. They were unusually cold and their bodies strangely hard as if they were made of lead or rock. Charlie must have attributed the cold to the snow outside and the hardness to someone with a strong handshake because he let go and his eyes didn't look back at Jasper's hands.

"You're one of Dr. Cullen's kids. I thought your family had left," Charlie momentarily looked at Bella before addressing Jasper again, "is the whole family back?"

"No, just me sir," Jasper said, "I transferred to Washington State and I only came back to Forks for a few of my belongings that I will need."

"D'you hear that Bella?" Charlie said smiling for the first time, "Washington State."

"Yeah dad," Bella said slightly shifting towards the kitchen hoping that Jasper would get the hint but Charlie cut in before Jasper could make a move.

"Are you the only one at Washington?" Charlie asked. It seemed to Bella that Charlie was itching to know where Edward was, or his gun was itching to know; either one.

"Yes sir," Jasper responded politely, "Everyone else is at UNLV, Dad got a job at a hospital in Las Vegas near the military base."

"That's great," Charlie said becoming friendlier the more Jasper spoke. Bella felt confident that Jasper wasn't someone who used his power unless he had to so it must have been his charm that appealed to Charlie. "Listen Bella," Charlie said looking at his daughter, "I need to go into the station incase there are emergencies I must attend to. Don't wait up and son…" he turned to Jasper.

"Sir," Jasper said standing a little straighter.

"Call me Charlie or Mr. Swan, only call me Sir if you can see my badge," Charlie said smiling, "the forecast is saying that the blizzard is going to last the entire night so feel free to stay, there is food in the fridge and blankets in that closet there. But this is also a respectable home and I expect the pair of you to behave."

"Dad!" Bella blushed crimson and stared bloody murder at Charlie, "Go to work." It seemed that it had cost Charlie as much embarrassment to say it as it had for Bella to hear it. He put on his badge and jacket as Bella walked him to the open door. "Be careful dad, be safe."

"Night Bell's," As Bella was going to close the door she heard a distant howl that she knew was Jacob's. After spending so much time with him she knew when to identify his unique sound. He would watch after Charlie on his way to work so feeling reassured Bella closed the door.

When she turned she found Jasper standing by the window and looking outside except he wasn't staring at Charlie's cruiser. He was staring in the direction the howl had come from.

"Is something wrong?" had she misunderstood the meaning behind the howl?

"No," Jasper said turning and seeing her worried face he elaborated, "I can sense two wolfs and two unphased ones in a car leaving here. One of them is young and the other is older, he hasn't shifted in a while."

Bella stood amazed that he could do that and then she realized what he had said, "Billy," was her instant response. "He stopped phasing years ago, I think Jacob told me once." Bella walked over to the kitchen to get a glass of water. She didn't hear Jasper coming behind her but she wasn't surprised to see him standing near the corner connecting the living room and kitchen. Vampires tended to be silent. "He probably just left, he's real good friends with Charlie. He's Jacob's dad."

But Jasper wasn't really listening. He had crossed the room to the double glass doors that led to her backyard. He touched the window lightly and sniffed.

"Chlorine and blood," he moved over to the center where there was a strip of plastic and the slider between which the doors connected, "And Victoria."

"You can smell her there?" Bella asked walking over to him and setting her glass of water on the table.

"Slightly," he leaned in and sniffed again, "the rink of wolf is making it hard to smell anything but mud, hair, and dog breath." Bella leaned away and looked at Jasper the same way she would have looked at Jacob had he just called a Cullen a leech.

Jasper was unperturbed at her annoyance however. "I should go," he said. "I need to talk to Sam and then start looking for a place in Seattle to stay while we figure out what to do."

"You're leaving?" Bella blurted out before she could stop herself. She felt her cheeks flush again and tried to explain her outburst but her words just mixed together into a jumble mess that only made Jasper smile.

Jasper looked out of the glass doors and Bella followed his gaze. It was getting darker now and the snow, instead of reflecting the light of the sun was starting to reflect the black of the night. She could also tell that the wind was getting stronger and the snow thicker, it was falling faster and harder than ever. She hoped that Charlie was alright and that the wolves were watching over him.

"I suppose I don't need to leave right away," Jasper said, "I'll just call Jenkins from here and let him know that I need a place."

Bella nodded and wondered who Jenkins was but by the sounds of it he was Jasper's day man. She saw Jasper take his phone out and dial a number. She took her glass of water into the living room and sat down in Charlie's recliner. Instead of thinking about whether Charlie had made it to work alright she thought about the phone call Jasper was making.

She had heard the word 'day man' in a Charlaine Harris novel about vampires. She had seen the show on HBO which was inspired by her novels and she picked up the books the same day. She had read them with interest and couldn't help feeling better about her situation. The Sookie girl had it ten times worse than she had except that Bella was a real life person with a real life vampire that could actually walk in the light of the sun.

The main vampire had been very powerful and strong and he had had a day man who handled his personal agenda during the day while he slept in his coffin deep in his basement. And now Jasper also had a day man who handled business such as finding him a home. Jasper trusted a human man with his living arrangements. Actually Jasper had enough money of his own to have a day man now that Bella thought about it.

For some reason she had always associated the Cullen money with just Carlisle. She always referred to the money as 'Cullen' money. She never thought that the Cullen's may have individual accounts and surely she never even considered how much money there were on those individual accounts.

Her heart started racing a bit so she turned the television on to distract herself and possibly drown out the sound of her heart with the noise. Even though Jasper had heard two people in the distance with ease she was sure he could hear her heart racing but he didn't barge in to cradle her like a baby like Edward would have. She calmed slightly at that thought and smiled.

A second later her heart nearly jumped out of her throat when Jasper was suddenly sitting beside her on the couch watching tv intently.

"I didn't know Ruins of the Pacific: A fascinating Underwater Documentary was so funny," he said smiling himself.

"That's not why I was smiling," Bella said clutching her chest over her heart, "and will you stop being so sneaky and vampire like, you're going to kill me of a heart attack before Victoria can even get to me."

"You used to like vampire like stuff," Jasper said turning his whole body to look at her. He put his feet up on the couch making sure to not get any dirt from his shoes on the fabric. He crossed his arms behind his head and leaned back, the man just demanded attention sitting like that.

"Yeah I also used to liked making mud pies and throwing them on Jacob's head," she said flinging her legs over Charlie's recliner and leaning back as well.

"You could still do that, wouldn't make much difference to his smell," Bella threw a couch pillow but Japer didn't even bother stopping it.

"He's really nice you know!" Jasper nodded as his eyes conveyed sarcasm, "you're being a down right….leech! Ahh!" One minute Bella was on the recliner and the next she was upside down facing Jasper's rear end. "Put me down!"

"Take it back!" Jasper said, laughter in his voice. He had a good grip on her thighs but Bella could still easily fall if he chose to let go of her.

"Never!" she pounded on his back but he didn't even react.

"Are you sure?" she heard Jasper ask, a warning in his voice.

"Yes! Ahh" Again she wasn't where she expected, she was laying on her back on top of the couch cushions and Jasper was on top of her, a mischievous glint in his eye, "What are you-" the rest of her sentence was drowned in laughter as Jasper used his vampire speed to tickle her. He was so fast that Bella couldn't grab his hands and even if she could she wasn't strong enough to detain him. Not five seconds in she was yelling surrender and taking back the leech comment. Jasper tortured her a little bit more but at human speed.

Bella was able to detain him this time and speak out of breath, "Behave Jasper," she said looking at him as she felt the urge to let him continue. A part of her said don't tell him to stop and another part of her took a step back and was wondering why one part of her wanted him to continue torturing her with his hands. Said hands were being held in place by her own even though he could have easily broken free.

Jasper looked as conflicted as Bella felt but he recovered quicker than she. He stood up at human speed and helped her up, "Maybe we could watch a movie. I'll stay until you fall asleep." Bella nodded and ran up to her room to change into some old pajamas. Upstairs she quickly undressed. Her shivering body looked for pajamas in her drawers while she tried to forget how Jasper's body felt on top of hers. She tried shaking her head to clear her mind and eventually she was dressed and ready to descend.

Jasper had chosen an action movie that she knew didn't have any romance which was very fortunate. Jasper motioned for her to sit next to him and he put a pillow on his lap. She got the hint and rested down next to him, she laid her head on the pillow and watched the opening credits but after that she didn't remember anything else. She was lost in her dreams of red.

The next morning Bella awoke to see that the living room window showed a slight snow fall. Jasper wasn't anywhere in the room but she wasn't surprised. What did surprise her was the cruiser in the driveway that she could see through the window. Before she could go to it to make sure it was Charlie's she saw a note on the coffee table with her name printed perfectly on top. It wasn't Victoria's writing and it wasn't Edwards. This writing was neat but not obnoxiously elegant. She liked this better, so different from the awful scribble of Victoria's.

She picked it up and read.

_Bella, I've gone over to the reservation to speak to Sam. I told Charlie we were leaving together after dinner since my car is unfixable and you offered to take me. If I'm not back by dinner time expect my remains on the reservation line between the Cullen and Wolf territory._

"That's not funny," Bella said clutching her chest again but she read on.

_I'm joking of course but still, keep an eye out. Another thing, Charlie said there was an accident near the city limits, he thinks the couple driving the car were injured and went to seek help on foot during the blizzard but I don't believe it. It sounds like a vampire to me. Keep Charlie indoors and I'm going to try to convince Sam to double his efforts and double the security around Charlie. Have a good day and stay safe._

_-Jasper_

Bella took the letter to the kitchen and turned the gas stove on. She put one of the corners of the letter on the flame and watched it catch on fire. Once she was sure it would burn she took it to the sink and let it burn completely. She didn't want to leave it around the house for Victoria to find, just in case.

With the last of the letter burning away she read the last visible sentence, _Stay Safe_. Wasn't that what she had said to Charlie as he went off to work?

With a sigh she poured water on the remains of the letter and took out a pan to start on some pancakes. Pancakes are safe, well unless Charlie was making them.

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**Please review! I want to read your feedback :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm sorry this chapter is later but it would just not come out. I'm terribly sorry plus I got swamped with other things but on a better note this story almost has 100 reviews! Yay! Anyway here is your chapter.**

**Sorry if there are more spelling mistakes in this one than the others. I really don't have time to spell check every paragraph seeing as this is already really late. I have GREAT things planned for the next chapter that will hopefully make up for any spelling mistakes in this one.**

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Bella watched as Charlie carried her old television to her new car from the rear view mirror of her truck. She was emptying the valuables of her crumbling ex car into a box with some nostalgia. She had done as Jasper had asked and kept Charlie in the house or as close as she could get him. They'd had a long morning of watching t.v and then he helped her take a few things from her room down to the Jeep.

She smiled while she separated a few cd's and looked up to see Charlie making his way back up to her room to bring down some more boxes. The moment was bittersweet. She was happy for the independence and the separation. The further away she was from him the safer he'd probably be. 3 years ago she would have emptied her bank account to be back in Phoenix and away from the father she never saw. Now however she would give it all away to be rid of Victoria so that she could see Charlie without worry.

When she was done she took a minute to clear her mind and put a smile on her face. She always hated this part, saying goodbye to Charlie. She never knew if this was the last time she would see him. It was already getting dark and she wanted Charlie to be back inside the house. Earlier she had heard Jacob near by so she didn't feel as guilty leaving him. She knew Jacob would stop by with Billy later to watch the game.

Bella met her dad by her car and they both checked that the television wouldn't flip over or hit anything sharp. She turned to her dad at last and hugged him as hard as she could. "I'll see you for Thanksgiving Dad," every time was a struggle not to cry. Every time was a struggle to remain strong.

Charlie hugged her back just as strongly but the sound of a car coming made them separate.

"Are we too late for the goodbyes?" Jacob called out of his window as he pulled into their driveway. Billy was in the passenger seat giving Bella a strange look but Charlie must not have noticed because he waved enthusiastically. Charlie and Jacob helped Billy out of the truck and then Jacob came over to Bella and surprised her by hugging her. She hadn't seen him since he left her at the Cullen house. He further surprised her by quickly kissing her forehead and saying, "Be careful, I might go and visit you soon. Sam wants to know whether the leech is keeping his part of the deal or not."

She was about to ask what he was talking about when Billy called her over and Jacob motioned Charlie to check something in his truck for him. Bella was alone with Billy and he was still giving her a strange look, "Listen Bella, I know you're all grown up and you've proven that you can take care of yourself so…do it."

"Um…okay," she said. She wasn't sure if she was offended or not or if she even understood what Billy was saying.

"What I mean," Billy said looking over at Charlie and then back at her, "we all remember what it was like for you after they left. I can tell he wants to help but you were too young to realize how many people you were putting in danger by hanging out with those people. You're old enough to realize that you're not alone in the danger zone anymore."

"I get it Billy," she tried to keep her tone light and casual even though she was angry. She took a moment and looked at Charlie like Billy had. Of course he was right but she didn't have to be happy about it. "Not all vampires are like Victoria. The fact that Jasper wants to help is a testament to that. I'm sure there have been bad werewolves just as there are bad vampires."

"Just don't lose your independence-"

"He's not Edward!" Bella half whispered and yelled. Her hands clenched by her side as she stomped around Billy to hug Charlie one last time. "I have to get going dad, I have a class early in the morning." She kissed Charlie's cheek and then hugged Jacob again. As she passed Billy she said goodbye but she didn't look at him.

She used the ride to the Cullen's to calm herself down even though she didn't know why she had gotten herself so worked up. She drove in the direction of the sunset and the closer she seemed to be getting to it the better she felt. Her car was blasted with red light from the horizon that blinded her. The snow on the ground amplified the light of the sunset to make it seem like she was driving on the sun. It was one more thing that reminded her of Victoria, red this red that.

She took off down the long road to the Cullen's house but she didn't make it all the way. Jasper met her half way and got into the car before she could stop. Bella had to keep reminding herself to not overreact when he did things like that.

She made a U turn and when she was back on her way to Seattle she found the words to greet Jasper, "Hello…" she said awkwardly. The talk with Billy had unsettled her more than she knew.

"Are you okay?" he asked. She took note of the fact that he wasn't checking her for bruises or angry at the unknown reason that had made her mad. He was just asking.

"No but I will be," she noticed the bag on the floor that she hadn't seen him come in with. His whole life was in that bag. She was starting to wonder what 'valuables' he had left behind that he didn't want the Cullen's to have.

Jasper must have felt her curiosity because he grabbed the bag and put it in the backseat, "They're things I had when I met Alice, things from the war."

Bella was taken aback, "What war?" she asked before she could stop and think about it. After she said it she realized that Jasper must have been talking about his life as a human. She never thought about him being like her. He was too much of a vampire.

"Edward never told you?" Jasper asked smiling but the grin didn't meet his eyes, "of course, you would have been terrified. He wouldn't have wanted to scare you."

"Scare me why?"

Jasper hesitated, "My past isn't a story told over the thanksgiving table, it is more appropriately told over a fire on Halloween."

"No one's story is worth hearing if it's all butterflies and rainbows Jasper," Bella's curiosity was soaring now. She wanted to hear about the war about Jasper's transformation but she didn't want to come out and say it.

"Maybe another day Bella," Jasper said leaning back into his seat and staring out of his window.

"I can take a hint," she said giving him some space, "can I ask you about the deal you made though?"

"Oh that," he turned to look at her and smiled, genuinely this time. "I got the better end of it. All I have to do is keep an eye on you and track any scents I find suspicious. Sam seems to think this is his problem now. Probably all that Alpha male bullshit he has over your friend."

"Alpha male bullshit?" She was growing tired of questions. "What does Sam have over Jacob?"

"The pup is supposed to be the Alpha male, he turned it down…didn't you…he never told you?" Jasper asked looking shocked. Bella gripped the steering wheel and concentrated her annoyance in Jasper's direction. "Okay okay sorry I didn't know. It seems that Sam has been ordering everyone around more than usual, your friend doesn't seem to like it."

"That's why he sounded all high and mighty," she saw Jasper nod and turn back to his window.

"It's more than that though," Jasper wasn't looking at her. "Your friend uprooted some pretty old trees down in the reservation in anger. He was ordered to leave you, he didn't want to."

"But…" Bella stared at the road ahead of her while she put the information together. There wasn't much to see, just snow and cars. Because the roads were so icy everyone was driving slower than her grandmother; may she rest in peace. "You mean Sam told him to leave? Even though he knows Jacob could have been Alpha male?"

"Yes, your friend is showing a lot of rebellion. I don't know if Sam is doing the right thing but that's neither here or there. It's not my business and I don't think we should bring it up."

"But Jacob is my friend-"

"He's also a werewolf Bella," Jasper was looking at her intently but traffic was starting to pick up and Bella couldn't look at him but she could feel his eyes burning holes into her. "Let him deal with this his way. What Sam did was wrong yes but…Jacob's feelings for you are intense, he loves you as much as he loves his father. Sam did the unspeakable by making Jacob leave someone he loves like family. I don't think it'll take much to make Jacob leave the pack. Sam doesn't understand because he can't feel it, all he sees are Jacob's thoughts but even thoughts can be vacant of emotions."

"Okay okay," Bella said at last gripping the wheel again. "Thank you…" she said after a few minutes and Jasper who had gone back to staring out of his window turned to her.

"For what?" he asked, curiosity flowed in the air around them. Bella couldn't help it feel that Jasper had been shaken up by their discussion just like she had been shaken up by Billy's.

"For explaining it to me," she didn't like being told what to do and she certainly wasn't going to start bending over backwards like she had with Edward. "Other people would just have told me to stay away from him."

She looked over at him quickly and found him smiling.

They were quiet for an hour before someone in front of Bella stepped on their brakes last minute causing Bella to do the same and slid a bit. Her television hit something making an ungodly noise and she groaned. Jasper checked for her but the sound was unmistakable.

"I'll buy you a new one," he said coming back in an instant, "maybe I should drive."

"I need to get used to driving in these conditions," Bella said. Jasper put his hands up and retreated into his seat. This was nice, no arguing, no pressuring. Just acceptance.

"Why do you need a television anyway?" He asked reclining his seat. It seemed to Bella that he was the most uncomfortable vampire she had ever met. Not that she had met many but the ones she had seemed to be quite happy just sitting immobile. Jasper was fidgety and he constantly moved even though he was in a car with someone who KNEW he was a vampire.

"I want to keep up with the news in case something happens that seems like Victoria could have done it," she looked at Jasper quickly and found him looking at her with eyebrows raised. "After I read in your letter how that 'car accident' seemed like a vampire attack I started wondering how many other 'accidents' were actually vampires in the area."

"That's very smart Bella, good thinking…"

"Can you not say it like you're about to give me a gold star?" she laughed as she punched him on the leg lightly just to get her sentiment across. She wasn't about to break her hand hitting a vampire.

"No," he said coming back up from his reclined position, "I have too much fun making you mad."

They talked a while more mostly about her school and work. Jasper was considering enrolling for the spring semester but he was on the fence. If he was in school he could be closer to Bella without arousing suspicion but he could also search for Victoria while Bella was in school. He had time to think about it but Bella hoped he would enroll. Then maybe he could tutor her and she wouldn't be alone in the school.

They also talked about Jasper's new place. She had yet to ask about Jenkins but she figured that if he hadn't said anything then it was none of her business. His new place was near hers but when he gave her the name of the neighborhood she realized it was in a much more upscale area than she could ever afford.

"We'll stop by Jenkins' office to get the keys and then I'll show you the place. If there is ever something wrong you'll know where to go in case I'm not around."

Once they were in the city Jasper told her where to go and before she knew it she was in front of a huge white washed building where men in suits where coming and going. She never saw Jasper dial a number or anything but as soon as she parked in front of the building as instructed by him she saw a man clamoring over to them in the snow. He was holding some papers and looking agitated.

"Has he been waiting for us outside in the snow?" Bella asked indignantly. Jasper didn't answer her because he was already outside talking to the man she could only assume was Jenkins. She realized Jasper wasn't wearing his contact lenses and that he had gotten out of the car at vampire speed in front of this man.

Jasper was back in the car almost as quickly as he had gotten out but Bella was looking over his shoulder at the man sprinting back into the building holding his coat tighter than she had ever seen anyone do.

"Give me your phone," Jasper said absently as he held a brand new unboxed phone in his hands.

"Is that Jenkins? Jasper did you make him wait outside for you?" Jasper didn't answer but he did hold out his hand so Bella reached into her jeans and gave him her phone. "That is so wrong on so many levels Jasper."

Bella put her car in drive and made her way in the direction she knew Jasper's neighborhood was.

"You don't help the little stereotype vampires have of being insensitive," she kept going on and on but Jasper was either ignoring her or laughing quietly to himself as she rambled on. "Poor man and you went out there so fast and with your eyes in plain view…irresponsible, reckless."

"Done," Jasper said handing her the phone that had been in the box.

"This isn't my phone," she said trying to hand it back. They were at a stop light so she looked at Jasper just in time to see him destroy her phone in his hands, "What are you…insane! That was my phone Jasper!"

"This is your new phone," he tried pushing the new phone in her direction but she didn't grab it. "Look Victoria could have bugged it. I doubt she knows how but I wouldn't put it past her to hire someone to do it."

Bella huffed and took the phone but not happily, "you were doing so well up until 10 minutes ago. You could tell me ahead of time that you're going to destroy my phone instead of just assuming I'm going to be alright with it."

"You can destroy something of mine when we get to my apartment if it makes you feel better…" she could hear the laughter in his voice and oddly enough it made her smile too. Why couldn't she stay mad at him? That thought was like being splashed with ice cold water. She could never stay mad at Edward either. Maybe a tiny grudge wouldn't hurt anyone.

"You won't know when it'll happen and you won't know what I'll choose but one day you'll find something broken and I'll have my revenge." She took a little page out of Victoria's book for that one.

"Oh no I'm so scared…" Jasper was too busy reading the papers in his lap to be really committed to conveying his fear.

"We're here," Bella said pulling over in his neighborhood. The street was an endless winding street as was common of cobweb cities like Seattle. "Which is it?"

Jasper looked up, "Here is close enough." He put the papers in his bag and then got out of the car. Outside he reached into his bag and pulled out a baseball cap. She realized it was the same one he had worn on the baseball field that one day so long ago. While Bella got out of the car he looked down to conceal his eyes.

When she was beside him he took her hand and lead the way over to his apartment. She was a bit taken a back but she didn't fight it. She thought that when he had said they were close he had meant that they wouldn't need to walk far but she was wrong.

"This is the first time I've ever been here, I want to be on foot so that it is faster to get you out of here in case someone is waiting for us that we don't want to see."

Instead of answering she just tightened her grip on his hand. They walked for a few minutes in silence but mostly it was because Bella was shivering. She knew her bones would ache later and the little skin she had left exposed felt on fire.

Her hand that was holding Jasper's was getting the worst of it. The snowy wind connected with her skin burning it and Jasper's skin was adding onto the cold.

"We're almost there," he let go of her hand and put his arm around her instead. She knew that to anyone looking out of their window or walking past them they would seem like a couple.

At last they stopped in front of a beautiful two story walk-up. Jasper didn't immediately go in. He stood in front of the door in silence and then after a moment in which Bella shivered more uncontrollably than ever, he took out a small envelope from his bag and out of it took a set of keys. He put them in and walked inside, holding the door open for Bella.

"Oh god," Bella said feeling poorer by the second. The apartment was stark white with beautiful decorations and a long hardwood hallway. This was Esme's dream decoration haven.

"Here's your key," Jasper handed her the tiny piece of metal absently. He walked in ahead of her and when he was at the end of the long hallway he took a sharp left and he was gone.

After a few seconds of debating whether she should follow or just stand there she felt calm spread over her. It was Jasper's gift letting her know that it was okay. Bella took her coat off and hung it inside a closet that she had noticed in the hallway. She wondered if Jenkins had had the whole apartment decorated because there were already hooks inside the closet and from what she could see the living room was also decorated.

Once at the end of the hallway she realized why Jasper had gone left. In that direction she could see the living room and further down a set of stairs probably leading upstairs. To her right was a small kitchen just as white as the living room but if possible, whiter.

She walked into the living room and saw that Jasper had a tiny backyard with potted plants and a small table. Further inspection that wasn't really needed because it was so big drew her attention to the fireplace.

She walked over and realized it was electric, "Yes!" She found the switch and turned it on. While the fake fire sorted itself out she looked around the living room and kitchen again. She liked it, it was boarder line clinical and homey but it was completely wrong for Jasper. She didn't know if she was making a harsh judgment but based on what he wore and the fact that his whole life was in that one bag this all seemed too flashy. She made a note to get him something to go better with his style. Perhaps a picture of James Dean or a bear skin rug.

"Do you like it?" Jasper said suddenly standing next to her. She bumped into the fireplace and clutched at her heart. She wondered when she wouldn't be scared out of her mind every time he showed up.

"Stop DOING THAT," her breathing leveled after Jasper took a step back smiling devilishly. He sat on the couch and stared at her like he had the day he had first seen her. "Did…um your day man decorate for you?" she asked.

"My 'day man'? Are you talking about Jenkins?" His smile grew wider when Bella nodded, "I suppose. It's not really my style but it's just temporary." Bella walked around and found herself in the kitchen looking in his refrigerator. She was surprised to find it full.

"I thought Jenkins knew you were a vampire, the way you showed yourself makes it pretty obvious…" She took out some juice and looked through the cabinets glad to find a glass.

"Oh he knows, I let him know three weeks ago. The food is for you," he was back with her in the kitchen this time. He sat up on the counter and watched her drink. She tried not to think about how disgusting the juice must smell for him and then to hear it going down her throat. Yuck.

"You expect me to be around a lot then," did he?

"Well that's something I wanted to talk to you about," Bella stood straight and away from the counter where she had been leaning drinking her juice peacefully. "I've been to your apartment, you've been to the Cullen house. I met Charlie and I crossed the reservation line and came out alive. Sam and I agree that anyone watching is going to think that you and I…you know."

"So? I'm not moving in if that's what you're getting at," she put her glass down and heard Billy's voice in the back of her head, _Don't lose your independence._

"I admit it would be easier," Jasper held his hand up when Bella made to interrupted him, "BUT I can see it wouldn't be too wise if I suggested it, I'm just saying that having her think we are is not such a bad idea."

Damn him and his way of explaining things so that they make sense.

"Does it really make a difference?" she said feeling the fight inside her leave, "you're around, that should be enough to scare her away for a while longer."

"True, look we don't have to hash out all the details today. Just think about it, you're safer here with me anyway."

"I know," Bella looked down at her shoes and the incredibly clean floor. The longer she was here the more she felt out of place too. This wasn't her style at all either. "But I'm not moving in any time soon. I'll think about it but don't expect a yes right away."

"That's fine, I like to take things slow anyway. Moving in…that's like a fifth or sixth date sort of thing," Bella laughed and pushed back Billy's voice again. She wasn't loosing her independence if it was her choice. The majority of the choices she had thought she made with Edward had actually been made by him. Besides this was going to be a pretend relationship. Nothing to worry about.

**Please review! Please please please.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Note: I wanted to address something that I probably should have written in my biography, something I should have talked about when I started writing Love Alone. I haven't read the Twilight books since my freshmen year in High School and I graduated in 2011. There is a reason for that. I hated them, with a passion. Then you might ask yourself, 'Who in their right mind writes about something they hate?'. I was going through fanfiction at the time when I was obsessed with these books but a part of me knew how wrong it was to promote such an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship. I figured that maybe somebody was writing the story differently and back then people weren't really doing that. So I ventured into the world of Jasper/Bella and wala I got my fix of great writing. These authors made Mrs. Meyer seem like a 12 year old with no experience in holding a pencil. I wanted to be that and I wanted to make the books 'better'. I'm not saying I'm a great author, I think we can all agree I'm not but this is good practice for a book I'm going to publish next year.**

**I'm not here to get every fact right; I appreciate the encouragement to try but this is not the place to be doing so. At least not anymore. If you have a problem with the way some things are here and the way things are in the book then all I can tell you is that you're not going to like the rest. I hope you guys stick with me even though you now know where I stand with these books.**

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**Bella's POV**

Bella struggled to get out of her car with her bag slinged over her shoulder and her hands busy trying to open an umbrella half way inside her car and half way out. She was late like she always was to her morning classes. She had avoided going home as long as possible last night since Jasper's apartment was so warm and her car had been too far away. They had waited until midnight when his neighborhood was mostly vacant, then Jasper had carried her on his back to her Jeep. Even the way he carried her was different than Edward too. Albeit it could have been her imagination because she was trying not to freeze.

He kept her company in the car and then left on foot once he was sure her apartment was safe and scent free. She wondered if he would be doing that ritual every time he followed her home. She wasn't sure how often she would be seeing him but she figured it would be all the time.

She stepped down onto the slippery sidewalk and shut her door as best as she could with her leg. Today was a cold miserable day like any other except the rain seemed colder. The snow on the ground wasn't melting and the some of the water droplets were turning into snow before hitting the ground. Bella hurried through the science buildings and then the English buildings came into view. There were people like her rushing in but she didn't know any of them. One or two of them could have been her classmates but she couldn't be too sure if it was them because the wind was making it hard to keep her eyes too open.

Once inside and dripping wet she started running in the direction of the only auditorium in the building. Her rain boots made squishy noises and people in classes with the doors open turned to look at her.

She was relieved to see about two dozen people standing outside of the auditorium doors which seemed locked. Bella stopped a girl who was pacing back and forth as she checked her watch anxiously.

"Excuse me, do you know what's happening? Where is Robertson?" Bella asked her as she was trying to catch her breath. Her bag was hanging off her front and her umbrella was dripping wet on the ground. She didn't want to see a mirror because the reflection was sure to be brutal.

"Oh I saw him in the student cafeteria this morning," the girl was talking but Bella wasn't really paying attention. Her voice was disturbingly Lauren like, "he was having some of those sketchy taco's from University Avenue and he ran out a few minutes after taking the first bite. Five more minutes and the test is cancelled."

She was right, Robertson didn't show up so the class dispersed. She wasn't at all close to knowing the material on her test so she should have been glad but the rush had made her expectant. Reluctantly she groaned and picked up her umbrella. She was one of the few left now.

She could see the doors to the snowy inferno outside and walked slower. Maybe if she wished hard enough God would have a change of heart and make it bright and sunny.

"Hi Bella," she turned and to her surprise she saw Michael, the new waiter at the club. He was also dripping wet in his jacket and backpack. His hood was up but it was soaked through.

Bella didn't respond right away, she must have looked like a deer in the headlights because Michael started looking awkward, "Hi Michael, you go here?" she recovered slowly, she didn't know he came here.

"Yeah, I normally have night classes but the club has taken that slot," so that answered the question on why she had never seen him at school.

"That's great," it wasn't really but she didn't know what to say. She hadn't left Friday on a good note with him. She was anxious to see Jasper and Michael had screamed in her ear that table 5 wanted shots. She just about smacked him upside the head and told him never to get that close unless he was paying.

"Yeah," Michael shifted to the side, he was inching towards the door. Bella was about to excuse herself when she caught sight of the poster behind him.

"Michael, your last name is Gallagher right?" He didn't seem surprised that she asked, instead he turned around to look at the poster she was staring at. Bella got closer and inspected the picture, her mouth wide open.

It was an Amber Alert list and at the very top was Michael staring down at her except where it said Name: it read _David Gallagher_.

"That's my brother," Michael said. "He disappeared 2 years ago the first day of school here. He didn't leave a note, we never found a body and we haven't heard from him since." Michael sounded like a broken record. As if he had said and rehearsed that line millions of times. He sounded like her when Edward had left.

"I'm so sorry," she truly was. She felt like such a bitch for giving him a hard time.

"It's not your fault," his voice sounded harder but he wasn't looking at her, he was looking at his identical twin brother on the poster full of other missing people from the area. "I was the last person who saw him you know. He had a class in this building and I had one in the science one. He walked with me to my class and then took off this way. His teacher said he never showed up."

"That's so odd," she felt sorry for him but she knew from personal experience that unwarranted sympathy was the last thing anyone wanted to receive.

"He wasn't someone that was likely to wander around," Michael turned to her, his eyes full of sadness, "I have my own theory of what happened but the police didn't seem to think it was possible."

Bella's eyes widened, "What's you theory?"

"He was taken," Michael watched for a reaction but Bella didn't give him one so he elaborated, "I know what you're thinking, a 200 lb track star isn't likely to go quietly but I don't know Bella. I just have a feeling. It might be my twin instinct. The police thought I was crazy."

"You're not crazy," Bella knew what kind of monster could take a full grown man against his will without a fight. "Whoever took your brother; assuming you're right, must not have been far away as he said goodbye to you." Bella was itching to get to Jasper and run her own theory by him.

"I think about it all the time," Michael looked at the picture of his brother again. They appeared identical except for the haircut and the smile. Michael had short cropped hair but his brother's was longer and combed to the side. They were both ridiculously handsome but Bella could tell by the sly smirk on David's picture that he had been the ladies man in the family. From working with Michael, Bella could tell he was awkward and shy around girls. "I could have known the person who took him or I could have seen them. All the people in the quad that day are just blurred faces now."

"But you still feel a connection to him?" Bella asked curiously.

"Yeah," Michael looked down and shoved his hands in his pockets, "my therapist says it's just me trying to hold onto him. Not many people believe in twin instincts. There aren't many reliable studies done."

"If there's one thing I've learned Michael, is to always trust your instincts." Bella hugged Michael almost as hard as she had hugged Charlie and after a moment of debating with himself he hugged her back. "Listen, I have to go study for a brutal test so I'll see you at work tonight."

"Thanks Bella," Michael called out as Bella walked out of the building. She turned back under her umbrella and waved at him through the glass doors.

**Later That Night**

Bella was on a roll tonight. The amount of tips she was collecting along with Angel and Michael called for a nice dinner later. She usually lived off of fruit roll ups and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches since the food plan at school easily averaged more than her apartment rent in a year.

She was flying from table to table with the skill and agility of a vampire, at least she felt like she was. Tonight she had worn a new corset that Angel had given her last week which made her feel sexier than she had ever felt with any of her other things. Jasper's leaving had put a dent in the otherwise happy occurrence but now that he was back she was ecstatic. Some things hadn't changed from her days with Edward, because some things had been that way before he had arrived in her life. Receiving gifts was something she still cringed at. But the corset hadn't been a gift, Angel had simply passed it down to her.

Bella was making her way over to the bar to pick up some shots when Angel leaned close enough so Bella could hear what she was going to say, "That table over there just bought you a shot, I think they like the corset," Bella looked over at the table full of frat guys from her school and then back at Angel to reject the offering but Angel was already pouring the drink. She picked up the shot glass, mouthed _to the corset _and chugged it.

Bella smiled and picked up her tray to take over to the table next to the frat guys. She set the shots down without incident like last time but when she was leaving she heard one of the guys whistle at her over the sound of the music. She ignored it and continued walking. She wouldn't admit it aloud but she secretly loved when men did that. As long as they didn't touch or cross any lines she was fine with it.

It was another hour of rushing from table to table and enjoying the whistles of the men at the frat table before Bella realized she had to take her break. The night wasn't so busy but it was definitely fun. Maybe it was because Jasper was back but she didn't see why that played such a big part in her happiness. Maybe it was the good tips or the corset or the fact that she hadn't failed a potentially hard test.

When she opened the door to the employee offices she found Michael sitting in a chair reading. The sound of the music rushing into the room made him break his intense gaze and look at her, rather surprisingly; like he didn't expect her to be there.

"Hey, I didn't know you were on break…" Bella went to her locker and pulled out her bag to check her new phone. She had yet to learn how to use it but Jasper had spent the better part of last night trying to engrave the manual into her brain.

"I got here early, I have an essay to write later so I'm leaving in about an hour…" His attention was back on his book but Bella's was on him.

"But your tips," she saw Michael shrug and bury his face deeper in his book, "Michael, it's not about earlier is it?" She dreaded the thought that their conversation earlier had put him off but why shouldn't it have? They had discussed the disappearance of his brother, his twin brother.

Michael put his book down and looked at Bella who had pulled a chair up in front of him. "No it's not. I really do have an essay to write but I would be lying if I said I didn't also want to leave because of what we talked about."

"I shouldn't have said anything," Bella looked down at her hands. They were rubbing her knees awkwardly. She was wearing her nice tights tonight, all of a sudden she felt really silly.

Michael reached over to touch one of her hands and she stopped her insensate movement, "It's not what you think, I guess I just started thinking about my theory again. I used to obsess over trying to figure out how he was taken. I don't want it to happen again. All I do here is walk from the tables to the bar all night and think about my brother. I thought that getting a job as a waiter in a club would distract me."

"There is a lot of going back and forth but what most people don't know is that we're left alone with our thoughts the majority of the night," Bella still felt awful but feeling awful about it wouldn't make Michael forget about his brother. "What is your essay about?"

They spent the rest of their break talking and trying not to bring up David. It was hard because when Bella looked at Michael's face all she could see was the little 4 by 4 portrait of his twin staring down at her from the Amber Alert poster. Michael was a mix between Patrick Dempsey and some posh European model. She didn't have a particular taste in men, at least not human men but she couldn't understand how Michael could be so shy around girls when he was so damn attractive.

Earlier that night she had seen him accidentally trip a shot over a girl's dress but she hadn't minded one bit. In fact she had leaned over and wiped her cleavage rather provocatively in front of Michael. His response? Blubbering like a 13 year old boy awkwardly and walking away. He had made her take over the table and when Bella had gone to replace the shot she had overheard the girl say to her friend, _too bad he's gay._ She had resisted the urge to throw the other shot at the them and instead continued to serve her tables.

She didn't know Michael well but he was probably just as misunderstood as she had been when she had arrived at Forks. Except he had his brother when he first arrived and she had showed up alone and not at all wise about her future decisions. Michael didn't seem to be fairing too badly. If only she had been like him.

When they got back to work Bella started to feel the strain of the day and the hours of studying starting to weigh on her. As soon as she would arrive home she would hug her bed and never let it go.

Just after closing and receiving her share of the tips Bella walked out with the rest of the staff into the freezing autumn night. She was waving at a retreating Angel and not looking where she was going when she walked right into Jasper. There was a loud _oomph _when Bella's face made impact with Jasper's chest and a lot of laughing from behind her.

"I thought I was clumsy," she heard Michael say, "night Bella." Bella looked up embarrassed at Jasper who instead of smiling at her stared after Michael as if he couldn't place him from somewhere.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She knew she was still too close to Jasper but even though he was cold he was blocking out the wind for her. He continued to stare after Michael even after he had turned the corner. "Jasper what is it? You're scaring me…"

Scaring seemed to be the word to do it for him. Jasper looked at Bella like she hadn't been there two seconds ago, "Sorry, umm let's get you home…"

They started to walk towards the late night parking garage where Bella had decided to keep her Jeep. Since most of the businesses on this street were open late it wasn't uncommon for most people to park in this place. The whole walk there she stared at Jasper waiting for him to comment on his odd behavior but he didn't. He just stared at the ground all the while his face seemed contemplative.

"You're not going to tell me what that was about?" she asked getting into her car and starting it up, "you looked at Michael so strangely."

"I hadn't seen him before," Jasper said looking out of his window. Bella wondered if that was his entire explanation but she was wrong. "I can smell him all over you, new and old scent."

There was a moment when Bella had to choke down a laugh but instead she continued to drive. For some reason this was a big deal to Jasper. "Why does that seem to get you so worked up?"

"He seems familiar," Jasper looked at Bella as she drove and even though the streets were mostly vacant now she didn't look at him and kept her eyes on the road. "I've never seen him before, I would remember him. I guess it was just what he was feeling and the way he smelled."

"The way he smelled?" Her tone was a little disbelieving, "Jasper, we spend 90 percent of our nights rubbing up against random strangers on the floor. We don't leave smelling like beauty queens-"

"He didn't smell _bad_," this time Jasper did smile, "he just seemed familiar. Besides he was feeling suspicious."

"Suspicious?" Bella pulled over in front of her apartment and turned off her car. She didn't like leaving her car there but she didn't really have much of a choice. There was a cop living across the street and his cruiser was also in front of his apartment building but that gave her no comfort. Thieves didn't care as long as the old gun was safe in a drawer two floors up.

"He wasn't feeling that before but as soon as he saw me…"

"But he couldn't…I mean. No, he said…" Bella stuttered and looked disbelievingly at Jasper. He fixed his eyes on her expecting her to continue but she leaned back into her seat and gripped her steering wheel. She tried again to say something that sounded remotely like real English but it just came out as gibberish.

"Just one thought at a time Bella," Jasper had turned his entire body in his seat and filled the car with calm.

"He said today, at school that um…he had a theory." Even though she could feel Jasper's influence it didn't seem to be working, "He said his brother was taken but he said he didn't know how he just knew it." Bella copied Jasper and looked at him desperately. She was trying to convey her thoughts to him through the air. "He said his therapist thought he was crazy but I was thinking that if he knew about vampires then his theory wouldn't seem so crazy. Jasper what if he does know about vampires? What if he knew you were one?"

"That's impossible," it was like hitting a brick wall at full speed, "I have to admit that his scent being familiar was strange and his emotions were bizarre but they're not unexplainable. Most people react to vampires even if they don't know what we are."

"But why would he react suspicious?" Bella pushed even though she wasn't sure why, "right before leaving, Angel asked me if you would be coming around the club again because she remembered you from the first night and I said, 'Yeah he is actually going to walk me to my car tonight.' Michael was right there. He heard me Jasper. Why would he be suspicious of you? Because he KNOWS about vampires."

"Bella," Jasper said smoothly. Second brick wall. It was the same way Edward had said her name every time he knew he was going to make a good point about something, "Maybe you want him to believe in vampires."

"Maybe I'm right," Bella held up her hand when Jasper made to speak again, "his brother was taken just feet from him. Nobody saw him, there was no evidence of a fight and he was a 200 lb track star. Tell me how someone could simply take him from a public place without causing a riot. Only a vampire could do that."

"He didn't leave on his own?" Jasper asked in that same smooth voice as before.

This time Bella bit her tongue before responding, "Michael believes his brother didn't just run away and I believe Michael."

"So I guess you're waiting for me to say I believe you," Jasper asked momentarily shifting his gaze from her eyes to the roof of the car.

"No," Jasper's attention was back on her, "I just want you to tell me it's a possibility." Bella bit her lip and tried to put out as much hope as she could. She had to be right about this. Maybe Jasper was right, she wanted to believe that Michael knew about vampires. Even if to him it was just an inkling.

"Okay," Jasper said taking her hand from her lap where she had placed it after effectively shutting him up, "okay. But this doesn't explain why his scent is familiar."

"You don't remember scents like you remember people?" Bella felt like she could have cried, she probably could have.

"No, scents are different. We remember when and where we first encountered them and we can attach them to faces but the world is full of different scents. I could have passed Michael on the street and not have the slightest clue as to when and where."

Bella leaned back against her door even though Jasper was still holding her hand. It felt comforting but more than that it felt natural. Before Edward, even kissing someone was embarrassing. When she would be intimate with Edward, however tame, there was a sense of being imperfect or too young hovering over her. Maybe she didn't feel uncomfortable because he was holding her hand without any premeditated intention.

"Hey," she said, "even if he does come to the same conclusion that I did when I met you and the Cullen's and even if he is right about his brother being taken by a vampire for whatever reason, I wouldn't say he's right." Jasper met her gaze and smiled, "I think there is enough trouble just by me knowing vampires exist. I wouldn't want to burden him as well."

"That's wise," Jasper nodded, "I guess as long as you're right." Bella laughed and took her hand away from his. For a brief second she felt disappointment and she was sure it hadn't come from her but Jasper was already out of his door and opening hers.

That night he stayed until she fell asleep or maybe he had stayed the whole night but she wasn't sure. When she woke up the next day he was gone and on her desk was a note that said, _Have a wonderful day._ _Be safe. -Jasper_

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**Sorry for the abrupt end. I didn't even know today was Saturday. Enjoy this chapter and please review (: **


	10. Chapter 10

**I was pleasantly surprised that some of you knew where I was going with everything in the last chapter. I didn't know I was being so transparent but when I dedicate a whole chapter to a missing twin you're bound to guess right? But alas you have not guessed everything. Enjoy this lovely chapter.**

P.S: As I was writing a scene down below I got a sudden flash back of Maria in a bar and Jasper still human. Like I said in the last chapter, it's been a while since I've read the books but if I remember correctly he found Maria and two other vampires somewhere outside right? Maybe I'm thinking of a story I read. If anyone remembers a story like this can you please link me or at least tell me you've read it? It's driving me nuts. I've read so many of these that I just can't remember.

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**Bella POV**

"Yeah dad, I promise the whole weekend. No no don't worry about the turkey, just defrost it for me and I'll make it when I get there okay," Jasper snickered next to Bella as he walked her to her first class of the day. They had kept up this routine for the past month. On a whim he had shown up one day and said, '_I think I'll walk you to school and carry your books._' They had driven and he hadn't carried her books but he had carried her laptop.

"No I don't mind if Ms. Clearwater joins us dad," Bella sighed happily, "I don't mind cooking for her, or her kids, or Billy and Jacob." Bella noticed Jasper's smirk and pushed him lightly to get him to stop.

"Okay Bell's. Now has the Cullen kid given you an answer yet? Is he coming because I think he should if he's not going to spend the holidays with his family, I mean who goes to St. Bart's for Thanksgiving?" Charlie was still talking about how ridiculous St. Bart's was but Bella was looking at Jasper desperately. They had come up with a story about Jasper joining the Cullen's in St. Bart's to avoid the awkward, _Jasper can't eat dead turkeys, he'll eat them alive no problem dad, _conversation.

Jasper just heaved and nodded at Bella after Charlie could be heard saying, '_Do they even have turkeys in St. Bart's?_'

"I think he's coming dad," Bella said happily but totally unaware of how she would explain that Jasper couldn't eat. "Hey, I have a class in five minutes, I'll call you on Wednesday with a list of all the things I need for the dinner okay. Bye dad, I love you."

Bella clicked the end button on her phone and made sure the call had ended before pocketing it in her jacket. Her last phone had been much simpler. She would simply flip it shut and not have to worry about butt dialing the police or talking about how Anthony loved to pester her on her day off while he was still listening because she hadn't pressed the end button hard enough.

"You seem frustrated but happy at the same time," Jasper said opening the door to the building where her class was, "you are such a strange human."

"Explain to me why _you_ can't eat a perfectly delectable turkey again?" Bella smiled at the look of pure exasperation Jasper gave her. They had been over it plenty of times, "Our digestive system only endures the consistency of liquids and the systematic formation of blood."

"But _why_," Bella urged even though she already knew.

"I don't know why now stop asking or I'll put you in a state of never ending giggles again," instead of laughing at his threat Bella looked at Jasper seriously. Every time they argued; because apparently they did that often now, and the conversation became too serious, Jasper would tickle Bella and send her an enormous amount of excitement. Instead of causing her to have a heart attack, the tickle would carry on and even though he would no longer be touching her she would still feel the effects of the first touch. The act would put a joyous spin on the night but her sides would hurt and she would be short of breath for the remainder of the argument, effectively ending it.

"You are evil," she said and gave him the literal cold shoulder. The weather had varied in the last month. It had snowed and it had rained on and off and today had snowed lightly. It wasn't obnoxiously cold outside or windy. It felt like Christmas somehow even though they were some time away from it.

"I'll eat what ever you serve me," Jasper said as they sat down on a bench near her class. Bella liked this particular feature of her school, inner lazy Bella loved it. "I'll be a disaster afterwards and I'll need to hunt but I'll be good for a few hours."

"But what about the taste?" Bella wouldn't believe it until she saw Jasper chugging down a glass of cider and munching on a leg of turkey.

"Remember when Esme would cook for you when you would come over?" Jasper asked. Bella realized he was keeping a careful watch on her expression to see if mentioning a Cullen would make her mad. Bella nodded but her face remained expectant, "I helped her make your food on certain occasions. I asked her not tell you but I would buy the food and give Esme the recipes I thought you might like based on what you ate at school. I got used to the smell and I even had a bite of eggs once. Emmet thought he could do it as well but he ended up being sick over Esme's petunias."

At the mention of Emmet Bella's mask did falter a bit. She missed him the most out of all the Cullen's and his leaving probably hurt her more right after Edward's. Emmet had been like her brother and he had never come back. She shut him out of her thoughts quickly, she didn't need to go down that road, "But that was just a bite of eggs Jasper, this is a Thanksgiving dinner we're talking about."

"What if I help you make it? I'll get used to the smell and I'll hunt before so I won't be eating anything on an empty stomach." Bella nodded but then realized something.

"You can't hunt humans near Forks though," ah the conversation she had been avoiding for a month. She just didn't want any problems on Thanksgiving for herself and Jasper.

"I'll hunt animals. That's what I did when I went to Forks to gather my things from the house," Bella was about to point out that his eyes had remained red but it was as if he could read her mind. "It takes more than a few deer and mountain lions to change the color of a vampires eyes. It could take a year of hunting animals."

"Oh," at the moment Jasper was wearing his blue contact lenses but Bella could see a bit of red where his venom had burned through the contacts already. The red didn't bother her as much as she knew it would have bothered her two years ago. They seemed normal on Jasper. They would have scared her on any other Cullen but Jasper wore them as if they were a tattoo, a part of him. She wasn't sure if she wanted to say all of that aloud because she didn't feel Jasper wanted it or needed it but a part of her wanted him to know that she was alright with it.

"What is it?" Jasper asked, he was watching a few students walk past. They all looked at him almost unwillingly, as if they couldn't help but stare at that strange attractive yet mysterious guy sitting on the bench with the most ordinary girl they had ever seen.

"Do you like it better?" Bella said not being able to help herself, "feeding on humans rather than animals?" Jasper seemed almost as surprised to hear the question as Bella was surprised by herself asking it.

"Um…" he seemed lost for words, "I suppose so. I haven't really given it much thought to be honest, I just do it."

Bella looked away and checked a clock on the wall, she still had plenty of time to waste. The answer had been more brutal than her question in her opinion. She wasn't sure how she felt about innocent humans dying so Jasper could feed.

"Bella," Jasper's voice was so gentle, "I don't know what you think I do but I have the feeling you're assuming the wrong thing. We might have different opinions about death and killing so I wasn't sure if I should tell you what kind of humans I feed on. I think that's why it's taken me this long to talk to you about it."

"What do you mean?"

Jasper was silent again for a while before answering, "When I first met Alice and the Cullen's they explained they fed on animals. Did they ever explain to you what kind of animals they fed on?"

"Well Edward liked mountain lions-"

Jasper smiled and shook his head no, "Not like that, I mean…we fed on dying animals Bella. The only times we fed on healthy animals was when an area had an abundance. They killed other animals in the area and they would destroy the land. We only fed on animals close to death."

"So what? You kill old people?" she knew she sounded ridiculous but that is what he was making it sound like.

Jasper laughed this time and people walking by really did stare. She remembered every time Edward would smile when walking past a group of people, how they would stare at him as if they had never seen anyone so beautiful smile. She used to swoon but because it was Edward she would feel inadequate just being in his presence. Being next to Jasper made her feel privileged compared to the people walking by hearing him laugh. She was in on something amazing and they weren't.

"No," Jasper continued to smile while Bella's stomach did a sort of awkward dance. She didn't know what to think about her little comparison. "I- I guess it's not that funny but I hunt from the bottom of the barrel Bella. The lowest of the low. I'm not God to believe I have the right to chose who lives and who dies and if there is a God, when my times comes I'll be judged accordingly but…" Jasper stopped and gripped the bench, "I have the strength to destroy these scumbags, I'm quick and I'm silent. I have the ability to stop bad things from happening to good people and if killing bad people is the way to do it, then that is what I choose."

Bella took a moment to contemplate what Jasper had said. She was an average height woman, probably more athletic than she used to be in high school. She wasn't exactly a size 0 but she was slender. She almost certainly couldn't throw off a man three times her size if he chose to rape her. If Jasper helped someone like her, if she had ever been or could be someone in that situation then she would be thankful to him. How could she hate him for saving someone's life?

He was also helping her by keeping her safe from Victoria. Someone she definitely could not fight. He had left and had admitted his mistake. She had fully forgiven him because he needn't had stayed after the night he warned her about the strange scent outside her apartment. That would have been enough. But he was here when before she had been alone.

Sure she was stronger, independent and a little wiser but she had still been alone and defenseless in a city full of the bottom of the barrel people and somewhere, hiding and counting the minutes before her final strike was Victoria. Or at least someone equally as dangerous.

"I understand," Bella said trying to emit as much confidence so Jasper could feel it.

"I'm glad you do," he reached for her hand and held it gently. A second later Bella felt a blast of appreciation. She smiled and before she knew what she was doing she was kissing Jasper on the cheek.

"Um," Bella said pulling back quickly but not quick enough to hide her blush, "I should get to class, bye…" she waved one last time at Jasper who had stayed sitting down looking shocked.

**Jasper**

Jasper had hunted twice in the past week to prepare himself for Thanksgiving with Bella and her family. He had offered to get food for her multiple times as well so he could become immune to the smell but Bella was putting up a fight about the money he was spending on her. He stopped asking her and started bringing it to her. He had expected this but all the while it made him happy to see her flustered over something so trivial.

Today he was shopping at Wal-Mart, of all places for a television he could give Bella as an early Christmas present. He knew she wouldn't want something extravagant and he agreed because the neighborhood she lived in was sketchy enough as it is. He chose a small flat screen TV and proceeded to walk to the cash register with it under his arm.

There was a line but Jasper's throat did not even tingle. He missed this, feeling like he could walk among humans and not have the urge to suck them all dry.

His phone vibrated in his jeans alerting him of a call, "Hello," Jasper said after looking at the caller id and seeing that it was Jenkins.

"Mr. Whitlock, I was calling to inform you that Ms. Cullen has faxed over your divorce papers this morning, your divorce is confirmed-"

Jasper cut off Jenkins before he could finish, "And you thought this was important enough to call me?" He knew he was being an asshole but this had always been the way things were with Jenkins. He needed to be afraid of him, for his own protection.

"Umm..no of course not Mr. Whitlock, the reason I called is because Ms. Cullen also sent you a letter through snail mail. I wasn't sure if you wanted the envelope or not, you asked me to not be in contact with them anymore-"

"Send it to my apartment Jenkins. If in the future they send you anything send it back. You work for me." Jasper clicked the end button on his phone and shoved it back in his jeans. There was a weird pull in his stomach like when he had been alive and scared. He paid for the television and some wrapping he had picked up that he thought Bella might like. Now that he was on a new diet he figured they could have a few laughs about it.

The last thing he felt like doing now was laughing. It was official even though vampire marriage had been over to him, it was official for Alice. She had been the one that insisted on getting married, he had been okay with just being together. Despite the way he had grown up as a human the vampire had wanted to remain unattached. So why was he feeling this way? Like a part of him had died along with the fax.

Back in his apartment with gift in hand Jasper walked outside and started the journey of a few blocks from his place to Bella's. It was a nice day today even though it had snowed lightly earlier. The clouds were a good cover for him.

This was the first time Jasper was going to see Bella after she kissed him on the cheek. He could feel her surprise when she did it and her embarrassment afterwards. She didn't do things like that but then again, Bella was doing a lot of things she had never done before. She wore heels and short shorts. Her corsets were getting tighter and smaller as the days went by. She was actually looking more and more appealing to the night crowd because she came home happier about her tips.

On days when her outfits were almost too scandalous for anyone on the street Jasper would sit at the club and watch her. He chose these nights specifically because he knew how men worked. They would see Bella bend over the table to pass out their shots and they, in their drunkenness would get a little too rowdy. Sometimes the table was a group of five to ten men, all frat guys or otherwise business men twice her size.

One might throw her an innuendo and she would ignore it. Another would lean forward to check out her cleavage and she would bend down quickly and then stand straight. She was such a tease and of course that was her problem. Because men didn't like that kind of stuff. Once or twice one of the men would stand up and try to coarse her onto the dance floor or touch her inappropriately.

These were the hardest times for Jasper. He had left dents at the usual table he sat watching because he had to restrain himself an extra second or two. Because Bella wouldn't stand for that. She would knee them or slap them across the face for crossing the line even though she had instigated their progress. The men would be escorted out and then she would turn and wink at Jasper right before going to the employee offices and tallying her success.

This same vixen had blushed and hurried away after kissing him on the cheek. Jasper smiled as he walked up to her apartment prepared to give her the television. He could clearly hear her getting ready inside. He gave her another minute before knocking.

"Coming!" He heard a few things fall in her apartment and then heard her running to the door, "Hi! Hurry in, it's cold." Bella grabbed Jasper by the arm and pulled him in quickly. She didn't even notice the big present in his hands.

Bella's apartment had a broken AC so she kept a small plug in heater that Jasper thought was much too dangerous for someone like Bella but she had insisted on keeping it. _I rather risk it than die of bite frost!_ She had said when he had suggested she get rid of it. This had been the one other time he had brought up the topic of her just moving in with him but this had led to an argument and the first time Jasper had to stop it with tickling.

"I can't find my wallet, could you help me?" Bella was running around her apartment like a chicken with it's head cut off while Jasper stood confused in a corner holding her small television. He placed it on her desk and sniffed around. Her wallet had also been a topic of discussion. Jacob had given it to her after her graduation and it smelled of dead animal and werewolf. It wasn't hard to find in the jumble mess that was Bella's apartment at the moment.

"Under your covers by the pillows," Jasper sat down in her chair and watched her dig for it.

"Oh thank god!" Bella significantly calmed after that. She was wearing one of her old outfits tonight but Jasper decided he wanted to come with her anyway. The news about the divorce being final had dampened his spirits. He needed a pick me up.

Bella went into the bathroom to put on make up and came out a few minutes later looking ravishing. Not that she hadn't gone in there looking like that already. Her smoked out eyes shifted towards Jasper for a moment and she smiled, then she saw the present next to him on the desk and her smile faltered.

"What is that?" she asked moving closer to it.

"It's for you, happy early Christmas," Jasper took the box and held it up for Bella to open. "Just pull the ribbon and make sure not to slice your hand open."

"Would it-" Jasper shook his head no.

"I promise I'm okay, just open it." Bella nodded and even though he said he was fine she still opened the present carefully. Once the wrappings were on the floor she looked up and her eyes opened wide for a minute before looking at him.

"I was kidding Jasper, you didn't have to get me one." Bella's emotions though were ecstatic. She was clearly happy about the television but she was being modest.

"Lying to an empath, tut tut Bella." Jasper helped her get the television out of the box while she continued to get ready for work. By the time she was done he had it set up for her. "You get the basic channels which are what you wanted. I don't think I should teach you how to steal cable but if you want I could."

Bella laughed and took the remote from him, "This is fine, this is better than fine. Thanks Jasper." They flipped through the ten channels she had and then headed out for the night. Her happiness surrounded them the whole ride to the club. He thought she would put up more of a fight because he knew she was still hard-pressed against receiving gifts. But maybe she didn't count Christmas.

As Bella worked that night Jasper people watched. As usual there were college students, less than usual but still there were some. The normal crowd of suits at the VIP tables and the couples on the dance floor. Bella definitely worked in one of the more upscale clubs of the city. Sometimes he wondered why she had even applied here. He had thought of asking her but he hadn't figured out a way to make the question sound casual instead of inquisitive.

If the family could see her now, Jasper chuckled. He swirled his glass of brandy and the smell attacked his senses. One of the few things that didn't disgust him after so many years of being a vampire was brandy. He remembered scourging the bars of San Antonio for potential changes and upon entering each one he would be smacked with the smell of delicious brandy. His inner human would scowl at the petty humans who were able to drink it. Later with the Cullen's he found that the smell distracted him from the scent of humans. It worked perfectly here where there were so many of them. Even though he had hunted twice already and had been fine at Wal-Mart, the news about the divorce had somehow made him thirsty again.

This usually happened when he traveled long distances or when he was angry. But he wasn't angry. He wasn't exactly sure what he was.

"Hey," he heard Bella in front of him and he realized he hadn't even felt her come near. He had been looking at his brandy and wondering why he, who was an empath didn't know how to feel about his divorce. She was looking worryingly at him. For a second he thought something was wrong with her and he sat up but then he realized her worry was being aimed at him. She was worried about him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, are you done for the night?" Bella smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. She nodded and took his hand so she could guide them through the crowd. Jasper left his brandy on the table and from the corner of his eye he saw Michael go and retrieve it. He knew he wasn't helping his case if he came nearly every night, ordered a brandy and didn't drink it but he never told Bella and she said herself that she wouldn't worry about it.

Michael could make his own assumptions about him, assumptions were better than truth in this case.

Bella drove in silence to her apartment but she would look over at Jasper periodically. When she pulled up to her apartment she turned off her car and said, "I'm finished with classes, we should do something tonight."

"It's nearly 2 am," Jasper looked at her and tried to feel her emotions but again she was doing something weird and he could only feel the blurred out edges of her emotions.

"Let's watch a movie," Bella said jumping slightly in her seat, "there are something's that are going to spoil in your refrigerator soon, I could make myself dinner and you can choose a movie."

"What is this about?" Jasper had to bribe her to go to his apartment and now she was willingly suggesting they go?

"Well there's obviously something wrong Jasper, I can feel it…" for a second he thought he had been projecting, "when ever mom was sad about a break up she would get the same look. I would make popcorn, pull out all the blankets and we would sit and watch some sappy chick flick."

Jasper smiled and ran his hand through his hair. She could read him as clearly as a giant billboard sign.

"Jenkins called me today," he wasn't sure why he was telling her. The front of her apartment seemed to be the ideal location for all of their deep conversations, "Alice signed the divorce papers."

Bella was silent and he heard her heart beat speed up for a second, "But you said you rather be alone-"

"I know," he interrupted her and she backed away slightly. Jasper sighed and reached for her hand, he held it tightly, "I know I said that…but being married meant something to Alice. Despite us not being mated, I still loved her. And she loved me enough to marry me. When she stepped away from me when I needed her, that was my divorce. When she signed those papers, that was hers."

Jasper turned to Bella for a moment and tried to gauge what she was feeling but her emotions were conflicting. Her face wasn't betraying the train of feelings going through her. He was always surprised how after working a long night her makeup wouldn't smug and the only indication that she had worked long hours was the natural blush of exertion. He had to admit she looked beautiful when she was trying to figure out what to feel.

He didn't know why he was so concerned for her reaction. But maybe if she reacted he would know how to feel.

"This is what you expected Jasper," she said finally. "Maybe not what you wanted but don't you think this is better? Doing it this way rather than meeting your mate one day and having to end things with Alice that way."

"But then I would have had a good excuse," he said looking down at their clasped hands. "I wouldn't have to have left her because she didn't love me anymore."

"I don't know why she did what she did Jasper, but she loved you." His now red eyes met hers and this time he could feel sincerity flowing between them. "It's a girl thing. I could see it, everyone could."

"But then why did she step back?" He kept saying that even though Bella didn't know what he had done for Alice to do that. "Why did she neglect me when I needed her the most?" His voice was getting hard, an attempt to not show his true feelings.

"I don't know Jasper," she admitted quietly. She held his hand with both of hers now, "I could have foreseen the family leaving if I had truly tried back then. I knew Edward wasn't for me even when I thought I could never love anyone more. But not once did I question the love I could see when Alice spoke to you. You would always stand back from me because you were afraid of hurting me. But she stood with you not because she could stop you but because she could feel your confliction. Edward left me Jasper when I needed him to stay. Maybe it was just time for Alice to let go. Maybe it was easier to do it now than later when you did find your mate."

"That's cowardly," he said letting some of the sadness go.

"Love isn't perfect, it's cruel and deceiving. But for the while that's it's good, it's really really good." Jasper saw Bella smile and he couldn't help but join her.

Jasper felt much lighter after that. He couldn't be sure why Alice rejected him but maybe he could convince himself that it was because it was time.

He took the keys out of the ignition and said, "Let's go get you a night bag, you're staying the night."

Instead of arguing with him he heard Bella squeak, "Okay!" She raced him as best as she could in her heels to her door. When he met her at her door step she stepped close to him and hugged him. "It's going to be okay Jasper."

"I know Bells." She pulled away and kissed him again on the cheek. This time she only blushed but didn't run away.

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**Excuse any spelling mistakes. I didn't read through it so I hope it's not too terrible. Please review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**If this was a book, this chapter and the next one would be together. But they just don't make sense together. I know this is a shorter chapter than what I've been uploading lately but you won't have to wait long for the next part. I'm going to upload it in two days! What what?  
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**Anyway I hope you like this, I had to write this three times and I ended up coming back to the original -_-. **

**Enjoy and REVIEW PLEASEE Anonymous reviews are turned on, so you don't have an excuse :)  
**

**-Maria  
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**Bella POV**

Bella was packing for Thanksgiving today. She had just gotten off the phone with Charlie about the grocery list and Jasper had also called her to let her know that he would hunt quickly and then pick her up. Jasper didn't need a car but he said that it would help her with gas if he drove once in a while. She had rolled her eyes and said fine but she couldn't really throw a tantrum if he wanted to get a car. Especially since he already had one.

She was curious to see what it was too. She missed his bike even though she had never seen him on it and the one time she had even been close to it she had been a total wreck hoping for Jasper to be at the Cullen house. The bike was too dangerous to ride in Seattle when it snowed on and off all through winter. Well, not dangerous for Jasper but it surely would have attracted a lot of attention. It just made more sense for Jasper to be on a bike. The idea alone suited him.

She put the last of her things in her weekend suitcase and when she reached for her purse her hand knocked it off her bed and onto the floor. The doll Angel had given her fell out along with the rest of the contents of her purse and slid under her bed. She had been carrying it around with her everywhere she went since Jasper had told her about it. She bent down and picked it up gently incase this had been the fall that broke it. Bella knelt on the ground and looked at it carefully. It should have cracked or at least shown scratches but it was just as it always had been.

She hadn't asked Angel much about it except for why it was so durable. She had said it was made with a special clay. Bella didn't feel comfortable asking her about it being a voodoo present like Jasper had said. She would probably ask her where she got that idea from and she didn't want to involve Jasper. Michael was already throwing little questions her way about him; she didn't want those too from Angel. No, it was safer that she didn't think about him at all. She already believed Jasper and Bella were more than Bella was letting on.

How could she not when Jasper came into Blue every other night to watch her work? She didn't mind because he knew that she could handle herself but Michael and Angel seemed to think it was odd. Angel just shrugged and said, '_Whatever gets you off at night.'_ Michael on the other hand worried more about Jasper's odd behavior. Sitting quietly in a club full of people, never drinking, never talking to anyone. Just watching her work.

Bella shook her head and tried to stop worrying about Michael and his questions. She took the doll and put her in her suitcase wondering the whole time if it was made of special clay like Angel had said. She put her suitcase on the floor and decided to lay down while she waited for Jasper. It was warm in her room but her hands were freezing. This usually happened when she touched the doll. It was always cold like vampire skin. Could it be magic that held it together? Or some kind of chemical that made it extremely cold?

She had never really been afraid of dolls. Her grandmother had given her a porcelain one when she turned 15. The glassy eyes and floral dress had freaked her out but she forced herself to get over it. Eventually the doll didn't bother her anymore. Angel's gift gave her a weird feeling. Like she was never alone or unprotected. She felt safer when she carried it around.

She made a mental note to ask Jasper about it later. She had put the questions about the doll on the back burner. It was just a doll after all even if Jasper believed it had saved her life.

Bella started to try and see the little paint splatters on her ceiling which always seemed to make a different picture but today she couldn't get in touch with her imagination. She was just too tired. Eventually she gave up and decided she could sleep while Jasper hunted.

There was a soft chuckle and Bella turned to look at Jasper who hadn't been there a second ago. It was making her hot being this close to him. He was usually so cold. Jasper wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. His hand partially touched the exposed skin near the top of her jeans but he wasn't cold. He was warm and inviting.

Bella snuggled into his chest and rested her head under his chin while he said something. It sounded like humming, so slow and smooth. But behind the humming there were words. Screaming. It was too hot.

The screaming seemed to be getting louder the longer she stayed in his arms. Jasper's grip was also getting tighter and warmer. She couldn't breathe. The humming was getting louder and the screaming was in her ears.

"Silly Bella," she heard over Jasper's shoulder. She looked up and saw Victoria. Her flaming red hair going up in flames. "I told you I would come for you."

"Bella," Jasper hummed in her ear but she couldn't tear her eyes away from Victoria's red one's, "Bella it's okay." It wasn't though, Victoria was finally going to kill her. "Bella wake up," she heard Jasper say above the screaming.

Jasper was suddenly very cold next to her, he wasn't humming anymore which made her look down at him but he wasn't there holding her any longer. When she went to see if Victoria was going to pounce she found herself staring into red eyes, much closer this time.

She backed away and felt her back hit the wall. She looked around her, feeling disoriented. There was still humming but it was coming from her heater. Her heart was racing and she was sweating.

The red eyes she had seen, she realized, belonged to Jasper who stood up from her bed and opened her window to let some cool air in. He walked over to her heater quickly and turned it down as well.

"I told you to get rid of that damn thing," he said disappearing into her bathroom and coming out a second later with her towel and her emergency water bottle. "Good thing your neighbor isn't home, I heard you from a block away."

Bella took the towel and wiped her face then she opened the water bottle and drank half of it before asking, "You heard me? What do you mean?"

"You were screaming bloody murder!" Jasper said as he paced her room with one hand on his hip and the other rubbing his eyes. "If I had been on foot I would have been here quicker but I was driving. I thought Victoria had been here. You scared me half to death Bella."

Bella bit her lip and sat up straight on her bed. "I'm sorry," she said after a few seconds of silence when Jasper continued to pace and look like he could bite someone's head off. "I must have turned the heater up too high before falling sleep." She was starting to remember a few details of her dream. She recalled it being extremely hot, hearing the humming, and being terribly close to Jasper which just made her bite her lip harder.

"Stop that," Jasper said kneeling in front of her and putting his hands over her thighs. Had he done that any other day it would have made her blush but seeing as she was already overheated he wouldn't be able to tell. Besides, his cool skin made her feel better after shutting herself off in an oven. "Bite your lip any harder and you'll draw blood."

She let her lip go and frowned instead. It was what she was avoiding. Jasper saw her lips curve downward and moved forward. She thought he was going to kiss her but he kissed her forehead instead. The spot where his lips touched felt cooler instantly.

"I've seen you sleep before," he said out of the blue, "but I've never heard you talk or scream while you were doing it. I heard my name a few times and Victoria's. Was it a nightmare?" His cool hand touched her cheek while his face conveyed worry. She leaned into his hand and sighed, it felt really good against her hot skin.

"Mhmm," she said closing her eyes. She felt his other hand cup her face while he chuckled, much like he had done in her dreams. "Happens sometimes, but I really am sorry." She opened her eyes and found him staring worryingly at her again.

He took his hands away from her face and grabbed hers instead. "It sounded like someone was murdering you, I thought," he sighed, "never mind. It's not your fault what you dream Bella." Jasper looked down and gave a little laugh, "If we're going to point fingers I think we should point them my way."

"Why?" Bella asked.

"Because after killing James I should have gone to look for his mate, it's her that causes your nightmares."

"We're not going to play the blame game Jasper." Bella covered her hands with his this time, "Can we just forget this happened?" Jasper nodded and stood up. He brought her up with him and then walked over to her heater to unplug it.

"Move in with me," he said turning around and crossing his arms.

Bella who had gone to grab her jacket to put it on, believing their conversation was done and they were ready to go, stopped half way and jerked her head his way.

"What?" She finished putting her jacket on and moved over to start putting her shoes on. "We talked about this Jasper, I thought we had agreed-"

"No, you agreed you would think about it. I think you've had enough time."

This conversation was eerily similar to her conversation with Charlie before he had shone her, her new car.

"How can you measure when someone has enough time to think about moving in with a vampire who she has truly only been friends with for a month?" Bella managed to put on one of her shoes with shaking hands and was going on to the next when she found Jasper kneeling beside her again. She jumped back a little but recovered quickly before picking up her other shoe.

"What do you have to lose Bella?" Jasper said taking over for her and tying her shoe laces. "Decent living conditions? Come on," he said sarcastically.

"This place isn't that bad!" Bella stood up as Jasper did the same. "I have a wonderful neighbor, it's close to my job, and rent isn't too bad."

"As opposed to a room, a bathroom, and a kitchen that aren't in the same cubic meter." Jasper crossed his arms while he looked down at her. She cursed her height. She felt very aware of her disadvantages.

"I like it here," she said gritting her teeth. "End of story."

Jasper looked at her very carefully before stepping aside and dropping his arms. "Do it for me, it would give me some peace of mind."

"What?" Bella laughed reaching for her purse. "Knowing where I am at all times and dictating how I live? Been there done that remember?"

Jasper stepped back , shock written across his face. Bella knew she had crossed a line when she saw the hurt in Jasper's eyes.

"Jasper-" she tried to take back what she had said but he cut her off.

"I'm nothing like him Bella, if you don't know that by now-"

"I know I know," she put her hands up and stopped him, "I didn't mean it to come out like that. He's not half the vampire you are Jasper, really. Give me a break, it's me you're talking too. I tend to overreact sometimes."

Jasper fixed her with a cold stare and right then she knew there was only way she could resolve this argument.

"Fine," she looked away for a minute and took a deep breath, "I'll move in with you. Happy?"

Jasper smiled before picking her up and twirling her around her room once, "Insanely happy." When he put her back on the ground where she belonged he kissed her cheek and then grabbed the handle of her bag to take it out to his new car. Bella followed, closing the door and locking it for what was probably one of the last times.

It turned out Jasper had quite the taste in cars but the flavor was much different than what the Cullen's preferred. When Bella had walked outside to join Jasper she had looked around the street once and having imagined it looked again but there was no denying it. Jasper had gone for a beast.

Leaning against his new car was Jasper with the worlds biggest grin. Bella walked across the street and stepped around the car carefully. If she breathed too hard it would eat her alive.

"It's scary isn't it?" she asked looking at it from all angles. "Dodge? Classic I bet."

"This Bella," Jasper said touching the hood of the car carefully, "is a 1970 Dodge Challenger. Yes my sweet, a classic but don't fear it."

Bella let her awe envelope her so that Jasper could feel it. He must have because he smiled as he opened the only door on the passenger side for her. When she got in her breathing caught. The inside was just as magnificent as the outside. An all black interior with a dark wood console. This was every man's dream and Jasper was driving it.

"Like it?" Jasper said getting in and starting the car, it's engine roared while Bella's heart skipped a beat.

"I'm surprised, but at the same time I couldn't imagine you in any other car." Bella saw a few people walk by her window and try to stare inside as well as a couple of drivers passing through. "Jasper, maybe you should put your contacts in."

"I did-" Jasper stopped and shook his head reaching for the glove department, "they must have disintegrated when I was rushing to get to your apartment."

"Why would they do that?" She asked unaware that they could dissolve so quickly.

Jasper explained the reaction his venom had on him when he was stressed, sad or angry. The catalysts were more sever for him than other vampires because of his gift. Bella nodded and when he was done putting brand new contact lenses in, they took off. He let her get used to the roar and rumble of the engine before hitting the highway and really stretching the legs on his car. He was projecting his happiness all throughout the ride while Bella tried to hold in her lunch. Eventually she became accustomed to the speed and the vibrations but she doubted it would have happened with anyone but Jasper.

She just couldn't explain it. She trusted him with her life and yet she had struggled to move in with him. An hour into the drive, and much further along than they would have been with her Jeep, she had come to the conclusion that she had made the right decision.

The problem now was telling Charlie. She supposed she could just do it and not tell him. But she only contemplated that idea for a short while. What if he visited? And it would just be another lie that she told him. She figured she would deal with one issue at a time. Today she would only worry about getting Jasper through Thanksgiving tomorrow and then she would think of a way to tell Charlie she was going to live with Edward's brother. Edward who had broken her and abandoned her.

Before she knew it she was staring at Charlie's drive way feeling much more pessimistic about the coming weeks than she had hoped.

"Let's do this," she said opening the door of the beast and beginning the holiday season.

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**REVIEW! ANONYMOUS REVIEWS ARE TURNED ON! Thank you!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Oh my god. Am I the Queen of Useless Details or what? I don't want to break this chapter up more so bear with me. It's a long one.**

**By the way I forgot to include the pictures of the 1970 Dodge Challenger so you can either Google or click the links that I will provide on my biography.**

**Enjoy (:**

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"Bell's, wake up…" Bella could hear Charlies voice from far away and groaned. It must have been night out still because she could have sworn she'd only fallen asleep five minutes ago. She turned around in her sleep and tried to ignore him. "Bella I'm going to go fishing with Billy okay?"

"Mhmm…" She was slowly waking up but she kept her eyes close.

"I'll be home by lunch or a little later." She heard Charlie walk to her door and then stop, "Oh and I asked your friend if he wanted to go," Bella sat up in bed ready to get Jasper out of going fishing but the rush made her dizzy and she fell back almost instantly, "but he says he gets sick. I tried explaining that the lake was five feet deep but he insisted on staying."

Her room was dark, it was surely right before dawn, but she still saw Charlie shrug and frown. A second later Charlie was gone and Bella was left alone in her room smiling.

Charlie and Jasper had gotten along quite well since arriving which only made her feel better about breaking the news to Charlie that she would be moving in with him. Like Angel, Charlie also felt that Bella and Jasper were more than they were letting on but no matter how many times Bella tried telling Charlie that they were only friends, he didn't budge.

Before going to bed last night Jasper had told her it was probably a good thing. She wondered if he would bring up pretending to be together again but he didn't. Even though he hadn't said anything about it, she couldn't stop thinking that it might be a good idea. She didn't want to admit it seeing as she had been against it from the beginning. But after setting Jasper up in the living room for the night and coming to her room she started to think Charlie wouldn't be 100% on board with her moving in with Jasper.

He was after all Edward's brother, for all Charlie knew anyway. Maybe she was just starting to warm up to the idea because of her dream. She was so used to men groping her at work and seeing her as this sexy waitress but it had been a long time since someone had shone any romantic interest in her.

Not that Jasper was doing it, at least not real life Jasper. Jasper in her dreams however was a different story. Bella ran her hands over her eyes and then turned to look at her clock. She had been right, it was five o'clock and the sun was bound to rise soon. She didn't think she could get to sleep now. She figured she could get up now and start preparing for Thanksgiving by cleaning.

As she was getting dressed she realized she wouldn't have to be doing any of the heavy lifting today. It was the worst part of her job and she hated it. Michael was no help and none of the other waitresses wanted to risk their 50 dollar manicure. Maybe this Thanksgiving would be the best one yet.

Bella made her way downstairs to find Jasper sitting up on the sofa waiting for her. He was wearing a concert t-shirt of a band she didn't know and some sleeping pants. She hadn't seen him this dress downed other than at his apartment the one night she had stayed over.

"Do you ever sleep?" He asked getting up and following her into the kitchen. He watched her turn on her coffee pot and start to pull out things out of the refrigerator for a small breakfast.

"No, I think it's a habit I picked up from some vampires I know." She looked back and smiled at Jasper. She had a lot to choose from today since Charlie had gotten more than enough groceries. She grabbed some strawberries and yogurt and sat down at the table while Jasper looked inside the refrigerator. "Are you having second thoughts?" she asked mixing her yogurt and strawberries into a bowl.

"That doesn't smell so bad," he said sitting down next to her and scooting in so he was practically sitting on top of her. "The preservatives are death but strawberries make blood taste delicious."

Bella gulped and her hands shook as she reached for a spoon. She didn't want to think about how her blood would smell after she ate her breakfast. She didn't even know vampires could make out scents in their blood. All of a sudden she felt very dirty.

"Don't feel that way," Jasper said wrapping an arm around her and leaning in to smell the strawberries she had picked up on her spoon. "You always smell really good, I understand why vampires are so taken with you." Bella's heart sped up but Jasper must have thought it was because his words were having an effect on her but the truth was that his closeness was driving her mad.

Being this close to Jasper was making her forget her breakfast and concentrate on how _he _smelled. Like expensive Brandy and wood. The mix made her feel a little dizzy but as she came down from her Jasper high she realized something.

"You smell like alcohol, not much…just a little bit." She took a spoonful of yogurt and strawberries as Jasper watched her intensely.

"I've been dabbing it around me for the past two days to distract me from the smell of your food." Bella was affronted for a second but then she turned to her breakfast and continued eating. Jasper laughed lightly and squeezed her side a little to try to make her laugh. "I don't mean to say your food is bad, but compared to what I eat…well you know."

"Yeah yeah," Bella put a strawberry on her spoon and held it out for him. "You should start practicing," Jasper took the spoon and brought it to his lips but then lowered it. He seemed to be thinking very strongly about the lonesome strawberry. It was almost comical how an immortal strong vampire feared food.

Jasper looked at Bella quickly and without taking his eyes off of her ate the strawberry. It was quite a sight. He was munching on it slowly but was not swallowing.

"You're taking too long," Bella said realizing Jasper would look odd sitting at the table for hours. "Just swallow it and pretend it's blood."

It was like making a small child take medicine. Jasper closed his eyes and swallowed the remnants of the strawberry. When Bella thought he would be fine Jasper stood up and walked to her sink. He was dry heaving and clutching his throat.

"That was absolutely disgusting," he said between heaves. Bella stood up and grabbed a water bottle from inside the refrigerator trying all the while not to smile.

"Rinse your mouth out with this," she handed him the water bottle and watched him gurgle the water. It was one of the strangest moments of Bella's life.

When Jasper was done he turned to her and gave her back the water bottle, "I think I can do this…"

"You do?" Bella shrieked already having been convinced that it was not possible.

"Yeah. If I just keep eating small things throughout the day and rinsing it out I will be able to survive dinner." Bella opened her mouth and then closed it. She didn't know what to say.

"You're really committed to this aren't you?" Jasper shrugged and went back to sit down but Bella wasn't very hungry anymore. She set out to start chopping the vegetables and cleaning the Turkey. Meanwhile Jasper kept sniffing and trying minuscule parts of her breakfast. Every once in a while he would stand up and rinse the taste out of his mouth but there was no more dry heaving.

"I'll try to give you small portions for dinner," Bella said covering the turkey with butter. Jasper was on the other side of the room holding his breath when he caught a whiff of the butter. "And parts of the turkey from the center. Those are probably the ones that will taste more like blood anyway."

"I must really like you a lot," he said walking over slowly but still holding his breath, "because that smells horrible."

Bella decided to distract him by assigning him the chore of cutting vegetables and then cleaning around a bit for her. She didn't want to think about how much they looked like a couple making Thanksgiving dinner. She was particularly avoiding remembering how he had felt sitting next to her at the table.

Was she going mad? Did she have a thing for vampires or just those that came from the Cullen clan? She wanted to squash her inappropriate feelings before they took flight.

When Jasper was done cleaning and helping her put the vegetables inside the turkey he helped her place the gigantic bird in their oven.

"How long does it take?" he asked watching her tidy up.

"This one is huge, might be four or five hours. You should get cleaned up because dad will be home soon and he's probably going to watch the game." When Bella turned around to whip down the table she found Jasper looking at her like he wanted to say something. "What is it?"

"I just realized, this is the first year I'm not going to watch the game with Emmet and Rosalie," Bella was taken aback by the sudden mention of them. Especially Emmet. She looked down while she cleaned the top of her table and mentally slapped herself for not considering what this day must have been like for the Cullen's. They pride themselves on being a tight unit and any holiday that fortified their way of life must have been special.

Jasper left the kitchen and a while later Bella heard the groan of the pipes in her house from the shower being turned on upstairs. When she was done she figured she'd keep busy until Jasper was out. She picked up the bag of trash that had accumulated from their morning activities of preparing the turkey and hurried outside to the trashcan.

It wasn't snowing but she didn't think it would be long before it started again. The ground was frosted and the air was chilly as it normally was. She stood for a while looking at the woods behind her house and let the cold wake her up a bit. She thought she could sleep while the guys watched the game instead of joining in this year but she didn't want to leave Jasper alone with a werewolf, her dad and least of all Billy.

Her eyes drifted over the tree tops that she had memorized from the years of living here. Everything seemed so peaceful and quiet. Such an opposite comparison to Seattle and Phoenix. She still preferred the dry heat to the cold chill of Washington but a part of her had stemmed out and rooted itself to this place that had changed her life. She saw a group of crows fly out from the tops of the trees that had been so silent and a flash of red close to the ground.

She was used to seeing red everywhere now but this must have been a fox coming out of a hole to hunt. At least she wanted to believe that. Clutching herself to draw out more body heat she tried to see if she could see a tail anywhere but it was gone. It had only been a second. She shook her head and wondered how many of her suspicions were paranoia and how many were actual truth.

When Jasper came out of the shower they didn't speak to each other as they passed in the hallway. Jasper was keeping his clothes in Bella's room so they had to smile awkwardly as she made her way to the bathroom and he, to her room.

It was like the mention of the Cullen's had instantly soured her mood. She hated that this always happened. Hadn't she moved on? Healed? It seemed that Jasper had, so why couldn't she? She was a constant reminder to him of the day his life had changed. She was the girl who got close to the vampires who told her to stay away. The more she thought about it the more she felt like she had to apologize. But she had done the human thing, she had fallen in love with a family and a guy who left her. This was expected of a simple human.

_They should have known better…_Bella sighed and turned off her shower. No, they were still human at the core. Edward wasn't obsessed with being a monster, he was obsessed with being a vampire. He wanted so badly to still be human that his vampire side was being caged like a monster when really he should have embraced it. The vampire was trying to make the human be more than it was and in turn she got the full retaliation of the decision. In the end he ended up believing he was above her. He never considered her equal because then that would be like the vampire admitting he was still human.

Bella walked quickly to her room and shut herself inside. She sat on her bed with nothing but a towel and a heart full of emotions. She couldn't start crying now, not when Jasper was downstairs probably feeling everything she was. She forced herself to get up and change all the while hoping that her feelings hadn't drifted downstairs.

She took a deep breath and took the first step towards her door. The rest seemed like a blur. One moment she was in her room and the next she was downstairs with Jasper on the couch watching the pregame show. They had taken the love sofa leaving Charlie his chair and the empty space where Billy usually sat clear. Jasper had already set up more chairs for when the rest of their guests would arrive so everything was ready and all they had to do was wait for the Turkey.

Bella took one look at Jasper who was watching the television intently, almost like he was avoiding looking at her.

Bella didn't say anything and instead set her hand on top of his. He looked down quickly and adjusted their hands so he was holding hers too. She felt much better after that. Everything was okay and she promised herself never to allow the mention of the Cullen's to bring her down again.

Not long after the pregame show had started Charlie had arrived with Billy and Jacob in tow. Jasper had warned her when they pulled up and she had been ready to diffuse any bad feelings between Jasper and Jake but it was Billy who she hadn't been prepared for.

She opened the door ready to receive them and was met with Jacob's warm embrace.

"Hey Bell's, where's the leech?" She hadn't been able to respond because Jacob had already gone into the house and Bella was left alone with the approaching figures of Billy and Charlie. Charlie had long ago built a ramp for Billy but helped him up it anyway.

"How was fishing dad?" Bella asked holding the door open for them.

Instead of Charlie answering Billy did, "Chilly, all the fish tend to swim down at the bottom since it's too cold for them near the top."

"Oh," Bella wasn't sure if it was a stab at Jasper but then again, Billy really could have been talking about the fish. "How unfortunate."

She followed closely after that and listened to everything Billy would say. When he saw Jasper he had nodded in his direction and then asked how long until the game started. Bella sat on the sofa holding Jasper's hand while she glanced periodically at Billy.

Jacob would stare at them as well but she didn't feel like Jacob was being himself. He sat in a chair in the corner either completely focused on the television or focused on her and Jasper's hands.

When the game started the feeling in the living room became more tolerable. Jacob was in and out of his seat between passes and Charlie was beyond himself as his team was already ahead. Bella hadn't realized it until the game started but Jasper's grip on her hand had become less tense. She wondered if the game had influenced the emotions or if he had.

During the third quarter Ms. Clearwater and her two children who also happened to be werewolves arrived. Leah and Seth had totally different reactions to seeing Jasper. Bella found Leah seething and looking between Jasper and Jacob. Clearly Jacob hadn't warned them. Seth on the other hand said hello to Jasper and sat on a chair next to him.

Bella was more surprised by Seth's reaction than Leah's but she didn't ask. Ms. Clearwater had brought along some mashed potatoes and a casserole that Bella and Jasper helped set up in the kitchen.

"Try this," Bella said grabbing a spoon and taking a rather large amount on to it of mashed potatoes.

"No way," Jasper said backing up into the refrigerator. "It has that nasty butter thing in it."

"Is the vampire afraid of eating some potatoes?" They heard Jacob ask from the entrance of the kitchen.

"Jake, don't start." Bella lowered the spoon ready to eat it herself but Jasper took it from her and shoved in his mouth.

Bella was ready to reach for the water bottle but there was no need. Jasper kept a straight face and swallowed. This was the first time he had looked like an actual human being almost enjoying food.

Bella looked at Jacob smugly and crossed her arms. Jacob seemed shocked and confused as he left them standing there alone.

"I'm going to pay for this all night," Jasper said leaning back into the refrigerator and inhaling deeply. Bella hugged him tightly, or as tightly as she could compared to him and muttered a quick thank you before releasing him.

Not long after the game the Turkey was done but and Bella found Jasper pacing the kitchen looking nervous.

"We're carrying the food out now into the living room, everyone voted on a movie we're going to watch." Jasper paced even faster and if he didn't stop he would burn a hole into the ground.

"Hey," She heard a voice behind her and found Seth and Leah standing near the door. Seth looked twice the size that he had when she had first met him and Leah was looking everywhere but at Jasper. "Mom sent us in here to help set the plates with food to bring out."

"You don't eat around a table?" Leah asked seeing the small table that Charlie and her shared. It hardly fit 8 people.

"Dad wanted to keep it simple this year," Bella said handing Seth and Leah plates. Bella threw a quick look at Jasper who had stopped pacing to stare at the turkey Bella had set out to cool a bit. The entire house smelled like turkey so she wondered how much it was bothering Jasper. She was stuck between feeling sympathy and joy. He had been the one that agreed to come after all.

"Jacob said you're going to eat with us?" Leah asked still not looking at Jasper but clearly referring to him.

"I - um…yes," Jasper said as he walked over to Bella and watched her set his plate. It was mostly small greens, a little pile of mashed potatoes and an empty space for the casserole, a bun and some turkey. She was the master at making his plate look full when in reality all Jasper had to do was take small bites during dinner. Leah took one of the cutting knifes and quickly cut the turkey to set on her plates like an expert.

"Well this should be entertaining," Leah smiled wickedly carrying three plates to the living room and leaving Bella, Seth and Jasper looking after her.

"Don't mind her," Seth said piling mashed potatoes on a plate that was clearly for one of the wolves. "She really isn't this bitchy most of the time. Pass me the casserole."

"You seem to be…sane the majority of the time," Bella said going over to the turkey and cutting out small pieces for Jasper who was still watching her intensely.

"Yes well I don't have a stick up my-" he was interrupted by Ms. Clearwater coming in and smiling at everyone, including Jasper. Ms. Clearwater must have known that Jasper was a vampire but if she did she never showed any sign of it. Charlie and her were very alike that way. Voluntarily ignoring the supernatural no matter how often they were around it. They all sort of went their own way after that.

Bella and Jasper went back to the sofa with their plates but it seemed that all eyes were on Jasper. At least, Jacob's; whose plate was nearly done already, Leah's, Billy's and Seth's. Seth looked at Jasper encouragingly while Jacob stared begrudgingly. He already knew Jasper wouldn't suddenly go up in flames after having human food.

Jasper took his fork and started cutting up everything he could and taking small bites. Seth was the first to look away, then Jacob; who by the time Jasper had gone through half his plate was already serving himself for a third time. Leah had lost interest quickly after that but Billy had not.

Bella couldn't have been more proud when Jasper put his fork down looking like he could go for seconds but she knew he had to hunt quickly.

"Pumpkin pie anyone?" Charlie said standing up and from beside her Bella heard Jasper faintly groan. Bella took Jasper's plate and quickly whispered, _stay here._

She urged Jacob to come with her when he heard her speak to Jasper.

"Jacob and I will do it dad," Charlie sat back down and Bella took his plate with her to the kitchen.

"What was that about?" Jacob said bringing out a few pies that he and Billy had come with.

"I need you to serve everyone big slices so that there won't be enough for Jasper when he gets back," Bella was already taking her cell phone out and trying to find Jasper in her contacts.

"Back? Where is he going?" Jacob said cutting the pies into even pieces and staring at her new phone curiously.

But Bella had already found Jasper's number and clicked dial. From the kitchen she heard Jasper's phone start ringing and then his voice sounded through the speaker on her phone.

"Yes?" Jasper said sounding confused.

"Hey Jasper, it's your dad calling you on Thanksgiving like a good father would do," she heard Jasper chuckle and then excuse himself from the living room claiming that he wanted to wish his parents a good holiday.

When he came into the kitchen Bella hung up and started to help Jacob with the pies.

"I thought you could get away for a while to hunt," she said and watched Jacob look up suddenly. "In the woods," she added. Jacob looked at Jasper apologetically and continued to work on cutting the slices on the large side.

"Thanks Bella," Jasper walked over to her and kissed her quickly on the forehead. He was already half way to the sliding doors when Jacob said his name.

Jasper stopped and waited for Jacob to speak, "You're alright Cullen, anyone who'swilling to do what you did back there for Bell's is pretty awesome." Bella nearly dropped her knife in awe. Her and Jasper exchanged looks while Jacob shrugged. "You're still a leech so you know, watch yourself."

Jasper smiled, "It's Whitlock now and thanks," he walked out of the kitchen through the sliding doors and into the night while Bella and Jacob continued to serve pie. Bella didn't want to think about how he was probably going to be violently sick later on account of her but it felt nice to see that Jacob and Jasper were getting along. She never thought that food would be the common factor of a civil understanding between them.

Jacob and Bella served the pies and watched the rest of the movie with the others while Jasper hunted. Not long after the movie had ended Leah and Seth excused themselves with the promise that they had made later plans with some friends of the reservation. They bid their mother a goodnight and left. Jacob had leaned in and whispered that they were on duty tonight.

Bella was caught off guard by Ms. Clearwater staying the night but she tried to wrap her head around it and found that she needed to talk to her dad.

It was like she could have walked to the kitchen by this point with a blindfold and not trip or bang on anything once. Charlie and her were helping to clear the dishes and she took advantage of this to talk to him.

"Dad," Bella said starting on some dishes in the sink, "I know you and Ms. Clearwater are serious but I didn't know you were 'staying the night' kind of serious."

Charlie stopped shoving trash into a bag to look at his daughter, "Oh Bella, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"It's okay dad, I'm not. I'm just glad you're happy." Bella turned and smiled genuinely at her dad. It had been so long since she had seen him so in love with anyone other than her mom. "But maybe I should give you guys some privacy?"

She watched Charlie blush and go back to picking up trash, "You don't have to do that Bella, we're all adults here."

"Um…" She was doing it more for herself than her dad but she had already started on this path, "Jasper needs to pick something's up from the Cullen house, maybe we could just stay there."

Charlie stopped again and stared at Bella inquisitively, "His house? Do they even have electricity?"

Bella turned around not really knowing the answer, but anywhere was better than here after hours. "Yeah dad, Dr. Cullen is weird like that."

She heard Charlie say something quietly like, _Money to burn, _but in the end he agreed that if she wanted to then he wouldn't mind.

By the time Jasper had returned looking much better Bella was waiting for him with their packed bags. She didn't expect him to come through her window like Edward had done countless times but she tried not to think about it. There was a lot she was avoiding at the moment.

"Where are we going?" He said taking his bag from her.

"The Cullen house, I hope that's alright?" Bella said sitting on her bed, "Seems like Ms. Clearwater is staying the night and I don't want to be around for that. With your hearing and your gift I assumed you wouldn't want to either."

"I lived with two other sexually active vampire couples," Bella cringed at the word sexually and didn't want to associate it with Charlie. "I learned not to mind but we can go if you would feel more comfortable there."

"As long as there are no Cullen's there, then it's just a house." She knew that was a lie but having to be here while her dad and Ms. Clearwater got it on was just not an option. "Come on, Jacob and Billy are about to leave, we can make an escape now."

They walked downstairs where the door was already opened for Billy and Jacob was saying goodnight to Ms. Clearwater.

"Leaving already Bell's?" Charlie said looking grateful and embarrassed at the same time.

"Yeah, we'll be back tomorrow okay?" Bella hugged Charlie and waited by the door while Jasper hung back to shake hands with Ms. Clearwater.

"It was a pleasure to meet you Jasper," she pulled him into a hug and then handed him over to Charlie, "You kids behave alright?"

"Oh my god," Bella grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him through the threshold. Jasper closed her door with a smile on his face as they followed Jacob and Billy out. Jacob hugged Bella and told her to be safe and then nodded in Jasper's direction before helping Billy into their truck. Billy bluntly ignored both of them so she turned her back and headed for the Challenger.

Inside the car and on their way to the Cullen house Bella turned to Jasper and said, "Thank you, that was a very unique Thanksgiving."

"You're welcome," he said stepping on the gas. "I had fun despite feeling like I could devour everyone in the room, including the werewolves."

"You were that thirsty?" She asked shocked that she was just hearing about it now.

Jasper nodded but kept looking straight at the road. It was dark and it was snowing lightly now. She wouldn't have driven in these conditions but she trusted him, especially after what he done today. She wondered what he had to prove by coming tonight and then she realized he probably felt he owed her for leaving, for not handling Victoria. It made her feel more proud of him and better about deciding to move in with him. He was a good vampire but an even better man.

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**I literally wrote this in four hours. I AM SOO SO SORRY about any spelling mistakes. The next chapter will hopefully be up this Saturday as usual. **

**Please review, anonymous reviews are turned on as well so you can review even if you don't have a fanfiction account! Happy Thanksgiving to anyone celebrating this week and if you don't live in the US then Happy Third Week of November! (:**


	13. Chapter 13

**This took me two extra days because it's really, really, really long. Enjoy!**

**Important**: For some reason I remember Edward telling Bella about the Volturi during the night of her birthday but I think, I THINK, that the first time it came up in the books they were watching a movie about vampires and he said that the ones they were watching didn't compare to the Volturi. He said that he had planned to go to them for some reason or another at one point or sometime in the future when she was no longer with him or something of that sort. I would say correct me if I'm wrong but I don't really care,** I'm just mentioning it because in my story Edward DID introduce her to the Volturi in New Moon. Let's just say it happened that way okay, so that there is no confusion.**

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The Cullen house at night made Bella feel so nostalgic that she stood in front of it for a few minutes before entering. Jasper had gone in to get a room ready for her while she came to terms with herself for having chosen this destination to spend the night.

She expected Esme to come running out of the front door to hug her tightly and tell her that she had made her breakfast or dinner. She turned and faced the direction where Emmett always parked his Jeep, right next to Rosalie's Mercedes which had the best parking in front of their house. She could see Alice from the door telling her that she expected Bella to be up for some shopping soon because she had a whole day of 'fun' planned for them.

They had played the part of loving family good. _Perhaps they did love you?_ A very faint voice said as she took a few steps in the direction of the house. But then why leave? Why had it felt so real?

The living room was as it had been the day she came for Jasper. There were sheets over some furniture and the fire was out. She walked over to it and started one. When she was sure it would continue on it's own she looked around and walked over the sofa where she had sat with Jasper. It had clearly been put there so the area with Edward's piano remained unblocked. So that the whole family could watch him play if they wished.

She touched the sheet over the piano and then grasped it. In one quick fluid movement of her hands and arms, it was off. She could just picture Edward sitting and playing, being guided by the notes he remembered without difficulty. The family sitting behind her with their eyes closed, hearing the music with their enhanced hearing. What could she have given them? Edward was their prized child, she had been the smudge on his perfect record. Of course they would leave if he asked. Why not? What did they have to lose?

"I hated that thing," Jasper said behind her from the stairs. Bella jumped and turned in the direction his voice had come from. He had towels in one hand and a rather large duffle bag in the other. "Sometimes he would play it days on end. We all talked about secretly smashing it while he was off with you somewhere but we didn't, Esme would have killed us." Jasper walked past a doorway that Bella knew led into the kitchen. She followed and watched him put the contents of the duffle bag in the refrigerator, which turned out to be water bottles. She had been right about the electricity.

"You didn't like his music?" Bella asked a bit skeptical that the family hadn't loved his talent as much as she remembered liking it.

"Well, it's not that Edward is talentless," Jasper said reemerging from inside the refrigerator. "It's the fact that he played nothing more or less than the most depressing stuff I've ever heard. It wouldn't have killed him to play something more upbeat."

Bella smiled and crossed her arms as she leaned against the wall. She watched Jasper empty some of the contents of the cupboards that were definitely expired by now. "Christmas felt like someone had died and God forbid we requested anything." Jasper rolled his eyes as he walked past her, "Come on, I have to hunt and I want to make sure you're settled in before I leave again."

"You'll be back before morning right?" Bella asked hoping she didn't sound nearly as needy as her ears had heard it. Jasper looked at her funny but didn't comment on her tone.

"Yeah, I'll only be a few hours but you should consider smelling less delicious," he winked at her as she blushed and hugged her sides tighter. At the foot of the stairs she looked up and sighed. She knew what was coming. Edward's room was the first one on the right and if they went that way they were sure to pass it.

She followed Jasper either way and at the end of the stairs she stopped. Not because they were near Edward's room but because she was looking at the painting she had seen once before on the night of her birthday party.

"Ah yes the esteemed Volturi. Did Edward tell you about them?" Jasper asked looking directly at the vampire in the middle of the painting. He had long dark hair and piercing red eyes. One of his legs was crossed over the other while the other two vampires sitting next to him seemed anything but as relaxed as he was. They wore stone cold stares and yet the vampire in between sported a smirk that Bella could only compare to that of the Mona Lisa.

"They're a bit scary looking aren't they?" Bella asked, now examining the rest of the painting. They were in some kind of large room where the only furniture seemed to be their thrones. Carlisle was standing off to the side of the largest vampire who seemed to be too muscular to be sitting anywhere that fancy.

"Marcus and Caius are intimidating at their best," Jasper said pointing out the two of the vampires on either side of the one in the center, "Aro on the other hand." He seemed to be trying to find the right words but in the end settled for, "He's different. He's a kind of evil you don't want to mess with."

"You've met them?" Bella asked turning wide eyed to face Jasper now, "Edward never said-"

Jasper laughed looking down at the floor and then setting his eyes directly on her he said, "There are many, many things Edward never told you about me Bella." Jasper had never looked more like a vampire but the only reason she hadn't run out of there at that moment was because she saw the hurt behind his now scarlet eyes. There was no trace there of a monster, his didn't look like Aro's.

Bella tried to say something, anything but no words would come out. "If you knew what I've done Bella, if you had seen me do what the rest of the family saw you would think rather differently about me. You perhaps would have agreed with Alice."

Bella felt hurt but she didn't have time to express her disdain with being compared to Alice because Jasper had already walked around her towards the room at the end of the hall that she knew to be Emmet and Rosalie's.

"Jasper," Bella said at the door way that Jasper had opened for her, waiting for her to enter. "I know…actually I don't - I don't know what you've been through but it doesn't matter. What ever you were before doesn't change who you are now. And I like what I see now. I'll let it go because I compared you to Edward but I want you to know that I'm not going to leave you if you snap or if you accidentally do something bad."

She tried to feel as sincere as she could so he could feel it. He stared at her for a moment before saying anything, "Maybe you would feel differently if you knew."

"I don't care Jasper," Bella said taking the towels from his hands and throwing them on the bed or at least where she thought the bed was. She took his hands in hers and for the first time saw that there was something on them. She turned them around and realized they were little crescents in the terrible shape of teeth. How had she not seen them before? She drew her wrist near one of his hands and compared. The bite mark James had left on her was identical to the marks on Jasper's hands except he had about a dozen in the area his hands provided. Bella pushed his sleeve a bit and noticed that under different lighting, perhaps under the lighting of the club or the shadow of the night the little crescents just looked like arm hair. Under the harsh lights of Rosalie and Emmett's room she could see them with clarity.

She looked up with concerned eyes at Jasper but found that he had closed his. His face was contorted in near pain or hurt, Bella didn't know for he was preventing himself from projecting. For a fleeting moment she nearly felt pity and then there was only anger. White hot anger for anyone who had done this to him. Jasper opened his eyes the moment she felt overcome with it. There were tears forming on the rim of her eyes but she ignored them.

"I - I don't care how they happened Jasper, we all have scar's. We wouldn't have made it this far without a few." Jasper was going to say something but Bella stopped him, "You'll tell me one day won't you? It doesn't have to be tonight or tomorrow but you don't have to carry this alone. I'm not leaving."

Jasper whipped a tear that had escaped her care and held his hand there for a moment. He pulled her into him as she let some of the tears she had been holding back go. She felt like she could explode from seeing him hurt when he didn't have to be. How could Alice have walked away from him? Surely she knew his past? Was it that terrible that she couldn't bare being there for him now? When he was clearly so in need of understanding.

Bella hugged Jasper as tightly as she could even though she was probably making him even thirstier.

She composed herself and pulled herself away from him, "You should go hunt," she said trying to smile but she knew that she was failing miserably, "I'm going to take a bath and head to bed okay?"

Jasper didn't say a word but Bella felt like he wanted to say something. Before she knew what was happening Jasper had kissed her lips lightly and carefully. Bella had been so surprised her reaction was delayed.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean-" Jasper said quickly but Bella stopped him by leaning up on her tippy toes and kissing him back. She pulled away nearly as fast as he had and put her hand over her mouth.

"Omg Jasper…" Bella took a step back even though all of her instincts screamed at her to step closer. But the idea of them doing something terrible that could ruin their friendship competed with the image of them making out. She couldn't ruin this too. Not Jasper, no matter how much she wanted it.

"It's my fault, I shouldn't have," Jasper said taking a step back as well looking like he rather be somewhere else desperately.

Bella shook her head rapidly making her dizzy, "No no," she held up her hands for she had had a brilliant idea, "it never happened!"

Jasper smiled despite himself and nodded, "Deal, umm….I'll go hunt. Do you want me to wake you?"

"Yes!" Bella said feeling like her voice would never come back down from that awful pitchy tone she normally took on when she was nervous. Jasper said a brief okay and turned to leave at vampire speed. "Have a good hunt!" She called after him but for all she knew he could have already been half way to the hills by now.

Bella turned to her room and spotted the door to the bathroom. She didn't bother looking around to examining Emmett and Rosalie's room, her mind was too full of thoughts to think of anything but her and Jasper's kiss. Their brief, it never happened kiss.

She hoped the bath would get her mind off of the thing that never happened. Wishful thinking is what it was but she undressed and prepared her bath. Despite being completely mortified that she had kissed Jasper, she was immensely happy that he had kissed her first. When she sank to the bottom of the tub to wet her hair she realized how afraid she was about being happy.

She had been happy with Edward but that was when she wanted to become just like him. That was when she could have had a future as a vampire and a happily ever after. Edward had taught her that life was no fairy tale and you either fought for what you had or you ran from it. Bella would fight for Jasper's friendship. She stood to lose more if something went wrong this time.

**Jasper POV**

Jasper hunted until the sun could been seen peaking from the mountains. It was still too early for the humans to see it but with his clear vision he estimated the time to be around 4: 30. He knew Bella would awake in two hours and he wanted to be there for it.

He had spent half the night uprooting trees and hunting animals in anger and frustration. He couldn't believe he had kissed her, but most of all he couldn't believe she had kissed him back. It seemed they both agreed on not tempting the fates however. The moment he had done it a red light had gone off. If he pursued her they risked ruining everything and she already meant more to him than he ever thought anyone could.

He had asked himself if he wanted her romantically more than once in the past month but Alice leaving him had left a wound that had not closed yet. He thought he was just trying to fill it with Bella but after that kiss it was like his marriage with Alice had been one long continuous date. Sure he had loved Alice dearly but the feelings he had felt for her were overshadowed by what he felt for Bella.

He knew he loved her, he would obviously kill for her again but what did he really want? He wasn't sure if he wanted to be with her and even if he did, she would grow older and he would remain the same. She would die and he would live on, empty and alone. Could you still be alone if your other half was with you but not completely?

Jasper stopped on his way back to the house just after jumping the small stream that divided the property and the woods. He was acting like Bella was his mate. Of course he couldn't be sure because she was still a human but what if she was like him? Would she?

Jasper could hear her heart beat from his spot some 20 yards away from the house. If it stopped beating he felt he would die. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had known this a long time ago but only now had he really thought it. All it would take was for his venom to flow through her veins and make her like him. Then he would know.

Jasper laughed halfheartedly, this is exactly why they were pretending it had never happened. It wasn't safe to tamper with what they had. There was too much to lose.

He sped through the house and stopped right outside the door of Rosalie and Emmett's room. He had considered putting her in his old room with Alice but he couldn't yet force himself to enter it. Edward's room was out of the question and Esme and Carlisle's room was right next to Edward's which was in his opinion, just as bad. The only other rooms in the house were his study and Carlisle's study, both of which did not have beds so this was the only choice.

Jasper opened the door carefully so as to not wake Bella. Emmett and Rosalie had a round bed with satin covers and silk curtains hanging from the ceiling; under different circumstances this would have been the perfect room for some erotic film but at the break of dawn, with Bella sleeping peacefully as if nothing in the world could harm her, it was everything but.

She hadn't bothered tying the curtains to the side posts near the wall or drying her hair. He could see that her hair was still wet in some spots and he could smell the rose scented body lotions that Rosalie had left behind. He remembered hearing a private moment between Emmett and Rosalie once. Rosalie had been helping Esme plant roses in the garden and when she came back inside she smelled of them. He had told her she smelled wonderful and ever since then Rosalie only bought rose scented products. It had been whispered casually against her ear but the rest of the family had heard. That's what they did, they pretended to be humans. They were good at that.

Bella was sleeping silently in the middle of the round bed. Even with Jasper's enhanced hearing he could hardly make out the sound of her breathing. He walked near the bed until he was standing right beside it. He could feel a pull in the pit of his stomach in the direction where Bella lay. Had it always been there? The only thing he could describe it as was a compass. Bella was North and he was meant to follow her.

There was a moment when Bella clenched her hands and she turned her head towards Jasper but she did not wake up. Slowly she turned on her side and extended her hand, almost as if she knew he was there but again there was no sign that she had noticed him.

Jasper pulled aside the silk curtains and gently sat near her hand. He took it and turned it over. It was the hand with James bite mark. She had said she didn't care, that she wasn't leaving but he had heard those same words from Alice. How was this different? How could he trust that she would stay if he told her? There was no way, he realized. But if she could trust him with her life then surely he could trust her with his past.

Jasper stayed there, immobile but in deep thought until the room was filled completely with light. He realized Bella should have awoken by now but when he looked back down at her he saw the wear and tear of a bustling life. The marks of an aging woman with hardships. The stress marks on her forehead and the puffiness under her eyes. Instead of waking her he decided he would make her breakfast. He felt like he could face the horrors of food once again but no matter how much he loved Bella he would never eat human food for her again.

The next couple of days went by so fast for Jasper that he was surprised to be reminded by Bella that they had a life back in Seattle. Bella had planned to tell Charlie about moving in with him but Ms. Clearwater had stayed the rest of the weekend and Bella said she didn't want to ruin their time together by dropping unexpected news on her dad.

"It's not like I'm moving in tomorrow," she said as she packed some of her books that she wanted in his apartment. He helped her pack them in an extra suitcase of things she planned to take and offered to buy her new books if she wished but the scathing look she had sent his way put a stop to his offerings.

"You would think I'm buying you a car or a house," he said a bit hurt that he couldn't spend money, of which he had plenty of, on her. Bella had been especially prone to avoiding anything couple like behavior since their 'it never happened' kiss. It was boarding on hurting his feelings, him…an empath.

Bella huffed and returned to the inside of her closet where she had stacked books over the years. He could hear her panting and lifting some books and placing them elsewhere. "You practically are, I can't imagine how much rent is on that apartment of yours."

Jasper who had been reading the spines of some of her books looked up in time to see Bella carrying so many books on her hands that her upper torso was hidden from view. "I don't pay rent, I bought the place."

Bella stopped halfway to her bed, her arms were shaking under the weight of her books so Jasper took them off her hands easily and placed them carefully in her suitcase. Some of her books were wearing terribly and the smell on them placed them at an age far older than Bella herself.

"You don't pay rent!" Bella said, hands on hips and wearing an expression of exasperation.

"No, vampires try not to have credit Bella. It looks fishy and after a couple years you have to die and build a whole new identity. It's easier to just pay cash."

Bella didn't have anything to say to that so she just went back to packing silently. It seemed to Jasper that she was running out of reasons to convince herself that what she had done was wrong. He felt a strong sense of resoluteness coming off of her. Nothing but logic and reason could persuade her now. It was both unsettling and understandable. Here was a girl that had been broken by a family and her love and she still managed to function when most girls would have fallen apart at the seams.

She'd managed to trust him, let him be around her even after what he had tried to do to her, and agreed to move in with him and he could not, would not, tell her about his past?

Jasper huffed and shoved a rather old book roughly in-between two other worn books without noticing.

"Careful, Orwell wouldn't be happy that you're trying to force him between Jane Austen and Emily Bronte. Actually he would probably hate it a lot, put him over by Dickens." Bella said looking wearily at Jasper. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he said doing as she had asked. "Just peachy," he smiled in her direction and the moment she had looked away, continued to feel dreadful. He could do it. He could tell her, but he didn't know if he could face rejection again. Not from her.

Later as he drove them home, after many goodbye's and promises of returning for Christmas, Jasper had decided that it was time. He would tell her and he would do it before she moved in with him. Not today, not tomorrow but soon. He finally felt what it meant to trust someone, a human no less with whom he already had feelings for.

He had spent half his time as a vampire avoiding feeling anything remotely close to this for someone else, much less humans. Alice had been the only other person to break down some of his barriers and Bella just sat there, reading her damn book not doing a single thing and he was putty for her to use as she wished.

He realized he was gripping the steering wheel too hard when Bella emerged from the depth of the world she had completely given herself away to, to point out that if he was gripped any harder he would break the steering wheel.

"Are you sure you're okay? I could wait in the car while you hunt if you need to." She put her book down and tried not to look at him like she was too worried but he could feel her concern envelope him like a tight vice.

"I'm fine," he said but even to him his words sounded forced, "I'll be a lot calmer when I know you won't be in harm any longer." It was half of the truth so he wasn't lying.

"I'm already in less danger," Bella said delicately, "and it's thanks to you."

Jasper stole a glance and noticed the sincerity etched on her face. Her tired eyes held a strength he had not seen on some vampires. With his concentration back on holiday traffic he felt better.

Bella picked up her book again but Jasper could feel every time she looked over it at him. She had not changed the page until they were back in Seattle but her heart wasn't into the story any longer.

The traffic in Seattle was worse than it had been on the high way. Jasper caught a scent coming from his AC and thought nothing of it at first. The closer he came to Bella's apartment the stronger it got. He lowered his windows and was met with a strong scent of gas and fire.

"Where's that coming from?" He asked Bella who was shifting through the stations on his car radio.

"Where's what coming from?" She asked completely concentrated on her task.

"Something's burning?" Jasper said hurrying through traffic knowing full well that he couldn't get out of a ticket as easily in the city. "It's getting stronger the closer we get…"

Jasper could see a black cloud forming in the distance where he knew Bella's apartment was. His vampire instincts screamed at him to turn around an run. Fire was his evil friend and danger was calling up ahead.

Jasper stepped on it but found that traffic was not his only problem now. Bella could smell the smoke now and they could both make an estimate on the distance between them and it.

"It could be my apartment," Bella said reaching for the door handle but Jasper stopped her from getting out. They could still get closer and if it was her apartment there was a chance Victoria was behind it which meant that she could still be around waiting for Bella to come across her.

When they were sure they couldn't go any further Jasper let Bella get out and then he himself followed her after parking his car. There were people on the street looking frightened and talking in low whispers. Jasper caught a few of the words they were saying but his attention was on making sure that it wasn't Bella's apartment.

_I heard she was alone. Do you think she did it? I hope the other one was okay. So strange, she seemed so happy._ Jasper looked over the heads of the other on looks as his suspicion was confirmed. There was smoke coming out in black clouds from the windows of Bella's apartment and the apartment next to her. He found Bella by the yellow plastic rope trying to get a fireman's attention. By the time Jasper had pushed his way through several humans she was already talking to the man who looked like he had just come out of the building.

"You live there?" He asked pointing at the apartment on the left.

"Yes!" Bella said frantically. "What happened?"

A police officer who had heard them made his way over to the three of them and asked the same question. When Bella said she did in fact live there he helped her and Jasper under the rope. Half of Jasper's attention was on what they were saying and the rest of it was looking around the people around them willing himself to spot the red head.

"We have the fire under control now," Bella looked unconvincingly at the black clouds over her apartment, "we only just extinguished what was left of the explosion."

"Explosion?" Bella screeched, "What explosion?"

But Jasper knew, he had smelled the gas. It was either a leak or a well planned out attack.

"Well Ma'am," the police officer tried to be sympathetic and Jasper could feel his determination to be as subtle as he could, "We found the remains of," he checked a clipboard that Jasper had only just noticed, "Ms. Payne, Dolores Payne. She was your neighbor, correct?"

"What do you mean you found her remains-" Bella started to say and then she turned to Jasper quite suddenly. "You mean she committed? But she was happy!" Bella screamed. Jasper sent her a strong dose of calm but it did nothing for her.

The officer looked down at Bella like a kid who had just lost her mother, "The fire quite obviously started in her apartment and spread to yours. We found the deceased Ms. Payne in her apartment, all the windows closed and her stove top turned on to emit gas."

Bella closed her eyes and crossed her arms as she turned away from the blackened apartments. The officer was telling her that they had arrived just in time to prevent sever damage to her possessions but the black cloud still making its way out of her apartment made her chuckle without humor. Jasper placed a comforting hand on the small of her back as he continued to survey the crowd. Perhaps he could catch a scent if there weren't so many humans around or if the air wasn't so permeated by the smell of gas and smoke.

A fireman came over to them, his arms crossed and feeling hopeful. When he stopped in front of them he lowered his arms and Jasper realized he hadn't had them crossed but had in fact been holding a small bundle in his arms.

"We found her shut away in a closet, she's fine just a little shaken up." From within the bundle came a strangled meow and Bella gasped.

"You know, if nobody takes her, animal services will," the police officer told Bella. Bella felt briefly guilty before looking at Jasper inquisitively. He sighed knowing he would regret this later but nodded either way. The fireman gave Bella the little bundle as the officer continued to bombard her with questions.

Jasper zoned out while he concentrated on shifting through scents and looking around the people who were only doubling in numbers. He caught a flash of red once or twice but he traced them back to human heads. Could it really be that Ms. Payne had committed suicide?

Bella was cradling the small cat in her arms as she answered everything the officer shot her way. It made no sense for her to put the cat in the closet, she would have died in or out of it so what was the purpose? Jasper felt that this one fact solidified his suspicion that a vampire was involved. Then again why would Victoria shut a cat away in a closet?

It was many hours later before Jasper and Bella were allowed to look at the damage. By 'avoid sever damage' they must have meant that her stuff would be usable by only the department of sanitation. Nothing in Bella's apartment was safe to touch or be near in any form.

"Oh no," Bella said pointing at the place where her new TV stood melted.

"It's fine, I have the guarantee," Jasper said trying to block her view from the ash pile that had once been her school books.

The majority of the people inside her apartment and her neighbors weren't paying attention to them. They were more worried about the suicide next door to bother with them and their loss.

"So?" Bella asked having moved Jasper aside to look down at the pile of ash he had been trying to hide, "Do you think it was her?" Bella kicked over the little pile with her shoe as the bundle in her arms moved a little.

"Maybe," Jasper said trying to guide her outside. There was nothing left to do here. This wasn't her home anymore. "If there was a way to know if your neighbor had died before the explosion that would answer our question."

"It would be just like James to hurt her so she couldn't turn the gas off." Bella said assuming that Victoria was just like him. Jasper agreed helping her through the small crowd now to the place where he had parked his car. When they had made it Bella just stood by the door of the passenger seat. Jasper was about to get in when he noticed she wasn't making a move to open her door.

"What is it?" he asked worried that it was finally hitting her. He had hoped they'd be back in his…their…apartment before she broke down. He walked over to her and when he was close enough she looked up.

"I guess a part of me had forgotten that she was out there," she hugged the little bundle tighter. The kitten was snoozing on Bella's arm, her white fur looking a little smoky. "I was so worried about seeing you the night you caught the scent that I just brushed it off, but this, this is different. Ms. Payne was happy, she told me she was going to see her sister in D.C during Christmas, she even showed me the present."

"I know it makes no sense," Jasper said looking around one last time hoping to find Victoria just standing there so he could end it all once and for all but life wasn't that fair. "Let's get you home Bella." He opened the door for her and before he could close it she looked up at him like she had just remembered something very important.

"We need food," she said, "for Alaska!" Jasper thought Bella had finally lost her marbles but then realized she meant the cat.

"That's her name?" He asked trying not to laugh.

"It's on her collar," Bella said defensively, "I think it suits her, isn't Alaska full of snow? She's a white cat, it makes sense." Jasper nodded and on his way around the car rolled his eyes. This was his life now, Bella and Alaska.

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**Stay tuned! Let's hope I can post this Saturday! Sorry for the delay.**

**Please review! Your words are so helpful (:**


	14. Chapter 14

**I think it's been a while since I've thanked you all for you wonderful reviews. I hope you like this chapter, I actually shed a tear while writing this. Reading it back now I realize it probably wasn't that sentimental but it came from my heart as I was writing this.**

**UPDATE 12/02/12: I fixed all of the mistakes. Normally if there are one or two I'll leave them but for some reason there were MANY this time. Also, somewhere during the process of saving my file and uploading it to fanfiction, the paragraphs jumble up together. I have no idea why and I can't always tell until I'm reading it on here. If anyone has any idea why that happens could you tell me?  
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Jasper sat with his legs up on the coffee table, one hand over the couch and the other on his lap holding the remote control as he changed through the channels on the television quickly. The volume was as low as the television could get without having it on mute. Bella lay on her side next to him fast asleep with Alaska snuggled in between her and the sofa purring softly and every once in a while, sneezing.

It had been a brutal week for the three of them. Alaska had been in an out of the veterinarian office with coughs and sneezing. Bella had been running around frantic as if it were her child that was being threatened. Jasper just stood by and watched because really there was nothing he could do. Alaska had only just started warming up to him which didn't surprise him. He was a vampire and she was a cat, it was against everything he knew to be friendly with an animal. Usually he just drank from them.

Bella had taken two days off of work to replace her books and her clothes. He had offered to pay for her books and there had been a moment or two where she had considered him. She said that the insurance from the apartment would later pay for what she was spending now and went on her way. He knew it was killing her though to spend and he was running out of ideas on how to help her without her thinking it was charity.

It was the call to Charlie that had really shaken her. She called him as soon as they had arrived to his apartment and they talked for what seemed like hours when it had only been around 20 minutes.

"Dad don't freak out okay, I'm alright just so you know," Bella had started out saying, in his opinion it probably made the news worse. "My apartment burned down."

Charlie had erupted into questions about how she was, if she was hurt, how in the hell it had happened etc. etc. After assuring him that she was fine and only after she had explained why her apartment had gone up in flames she dropped the bomb on Charlie.

"I'm staying with Jasper dad," for a moment even Jasper had thought the line went dead. "Dad?"

And then the irrational Charlie had come out exclaiming that she had to be insane to move in with a Cullen, that he was nothing but bad news for her, and that they couldn't be in debt to such people. Jasper had expected it but Bella had not. She would try to interrupt but Jasper would look at her and squeezed her hand gently to let her know it didn't hurt him in the slightest.

"You don't mean any of that dad," Bella had said once she knew Charlie was done.

Charlie had sighed and said, "I know Bella, just be careful okay. Don't make the same mistake twice." Bella had ignored the comparison and bid her father goodnight with news about how she was doing over the next few days.

"It could have been worse," Jasper said hugging Bella into his chest. Alaska had jumped on to her lap half way through the phone call and hissed at Jasper every time he tried to get near Bella.

"I'm really sorry about that." Bella was scratching Alaska's ear as he ran his hand over and over her arms to try to warm her. "I'm so exhausted, I feel like she's just going to pop right in at any moment and I'm tired of being afraid."

"She won't hurt you," he said near her ear, "I won't let her." She had fallen asleep like that in his arms that night. Alaska had looked at Jasper suspiciously for a moment before falling asleep on Bella's lap and Jasper just sat there, wondering if Victoria would indeed break down the door of his apartment that night. And every night since then he had wondered what was stopping her.

Two days after that he had come in to see her work. The smile that had been absent over the last couple days was back. He knew she was in her element here, working with people she loved and tormenting the clients she got.

Bella brought over his usual brandy and with her something else as well, "Look what Angel gave me?!" She had shoved a bag his way as well as his brandy and when he looked inside his jaw dropped. "She's being promoted next week to manager so she's giving me all of her outfits. I can take back most of my clothes now." It said a lot that Bella's closet consisted mostly of sexy skimpy outfits instead of her normal causal clothes.

"Great," Jasper half choked out very, very aware that his jeans were becoming increasingly tighter. He was happy for her and the fact that she wouldn't be brooding around their apartment because of something so silly such as money.

He watched her until closing time, her mood only improving throughout the night. Bella and Angel were at the bar counting tips when Michael walked towards Jasper's table. It was well known now that Jasper could stay inside while he waited for Bella but nobody ever really came over to talk to him.

"Hey," Michael said sitting across from Jasper. His eyes briefly glanced down at his untouched brandy but he chose not to comment on it, "Bella told us what you did for her, that was very kind of you."

"It was the least I could do," Jasper said honestly.

Michael seemed to tether on the edge of asking what she had done for him that he was willingly letting her room with him but again he chose another path of conversation. "She mentioned her neighbor's suicide, sound's a little fishy doesn't it?"

Jasper watched Michael's face for any sign of accusation but there was none, he seemed very curious. Jasper nodded as he swirled his drink around. It had been a long night and the club had been packed. Michael was sitting a little too close.

"A little old lady with a cat, it's very sad to think about isn't it?" Michael said sitting back to better stare at Jasper.

"Yes," Jasper leaned in closer and took the smallest of sips from his Brandy, "sad." They had a staring contest that Michael lost but only because Bella had called him over to get his share of the tips. Before standing up Jasper felt a sharp stab of suspicion. He didn't trust him one bit but he had held off long enough to confirm his feelings. Jasper realized he would have to tread carefully near Michael.

Bella went to sleep that night early. There were three rooms in his apartment; his, hers, and his study. They fit comfortably but with a sense of home. Jasper's study was in between his room and Bella's and seeing as he didn't have a need for sleep he spent the majority of his night in his study listening to Bella's steady heart beat as she slept.

The note that Alice had sent him lay on his pile books that he had brought with him from the Cullen house. He had avoided touching it or looking at it for the most part. If it was a matter of life and death she would call him or show up on his doorstep therefore he concluded it could wait to be read.

Jasper sat at his chair for a few minutes looking at the envelop and listening for any signs of movement in Bella's room. Ever since the fire she had been having nightmares, not nearly as bad as the one he had walked in on but he figured it was because she was exhausted. Now that her life was going back to a routine he assumed they might start getting worse. He had not needed to go into her room to wake her, yet.

He heard meowing from the top stairs and begged that Alaska wouldn't start scratching Bella's door to let her in. He hated to admit it but he was starting to become a bit envious of the attention Bella gave that cat over him. Alaska waited a second or two in-between Bella's room, which was closer to the stairs, and Jasper's study before walking into the room he was in. Jasper was a bit surprised. Alaska never went anywhere Bella wasn't and if Jasper was with her she would look at him with narrowed eyes and hiss.

This time however she walked in, looked at him and went and sat down inside a box his new laptop had come in.

"Is this a truce?" Jasper asked not really expecting an answer. He got a soft meow before Alaska turned her head and fell asleep.

At around 5 in the morning Jasper was ready to call it a night and head to his room to read until Bella woke up. When he was half way down the stairs to pick up the book he had started, Jasper heard a knock on his door. He stopped for a moment and sniffed the air for the scent of a vampire but he was met with even more surprise to find that it was Jacob.

When Jasper opened the door Jacob was standing there in late November with nothing but a wife beater and a pair of long shorts that had clearly once been jeans. He held a small duffel bag and a wide grin on his face.

"Morning Leech," Jacob said inviting himself inside. "Is Bell's sleeping?" He had dumped his bag on the sofa and was already heading for the refrigerator when he stopped and looked around towards the upstairs area, "Since when do vampires have cats?"

"It's Bella's and yes she's sleeping so keep it down," Jasper sat down on one of the stools in the kitchen as Jacob rifled through the refrigerator in search of, well, everything.

"Is that the cat that was found with the old lady?" Jacob said reemerging with a handful of things that probably shouldn't have gone together.

"Yes," Jasper looked disgustingly at the sandwich he was making and at the ingredients being combined to make the kitchen smell like dead cat. Speaking of which Alaska had come down from his study to join the werewolf and the vampire. She took one look at Jacob and hissed like she had done many times to Jasper. She sat down near Jasper's seat to pick up where she had left off on her nap. It seemed she preferred vampires over dogs.

"What are you doing here," Jasper asked after seeing Jacob take an enormous bite out of his food.

"Charlie n' Sam sent me, watch'd you n'd all," he couldn't talk straight for there was so much food being consumed.

"They want you to watch me?" Jasper asked having expected something like this but not so soon. "Sam doesn't trust me? Nor Charlie?"

Jacob shrugged his shoulders and gulped down a 7 up in one go, "If you ask me Charlie's the one you should be afraid of," Jacob laughed heartily while Jasper made sure to send a bit of lethargy towards Bella who had stirred at the sound of Jacob's booming laughter. "He told me to give you a message, '_If you hurt my daughter I'll make sure to castrate you and feed you to the fish at the lake.'_ Mind you he was polishing his 22 as he gave me the message."

"A gun can't hurt me," Jasper said. Jacob looked at him a bit jealously but continued to eat. "Charlie will come around once he sees Bella is happy but what about Sam?"

"This is part of the deal isn't it," Jacob asked finishing his sandwich and preparing to make another one, "you agreed you wouldn't mind us dropping in, so here I am, dropping in."

Jasper knew there was more to it. Jacob's feelings were betraying him. On other people he wouldn't have cared to ask why but if this had to do with Bella and her safety then all courtesies be damned.

"Why are you really here Jacob?' Jasper asked leaning in so the light could catch his red eyes. Jacob stopped the assembling of his sandwich to stare at the vampire in front of him.

He sighed and continued to build his dinner, "Sam thinks you started the fire somehow, he's not being rational and after Leah and Seth met you and liked you, go figure," he said looking up wide eyed, "he thinks you're trying to butter them up or something. He thinks Bella is being stupid by moving in with you. Honestly, to him, the only reason why finding Victoria is important is for the people in the reservation and Forks. He doesn't give two shits about our Bella."

Jasper had to keep himself from breaking the counter he was leaning on. He had known for a while that Bella wasn't a priority to Sam. He wanted to keep as many people safe and if Bella chose to willing live with a vampire it was like ruining all the 'progress' Sam had made. He didn't understand that Bella being here was making things simpler for him. For everyone.

"And do you agree?" Jasper had to ask, if not Jacob had to go. Now.

"Course not!" Jacob said food flying everywhere. This time there was nothing Jasper could do, Bella was awake and getting up.

"Great dog, you woke her up. She hasn't slept this long all week," Jasper put his face in his hands as Bella threw her door open and shrieked when she saw Jasper and Jacob below.

"Jake! I knew I recognized your voice," she came down the stairs and Jacob left the kitchen yelling loudly making a mess on the floor. Jasper heard Alaska meow and then felt the tiniest bit of annoyance come from her. She had slept almost as much as Bella had all week. Clearly all the ruckus was making her mad.

"What are you doing here? It's so early! Are you tired?" Bella asked jumping up onto Jacob's arms as he swung her around. They had just seen each other a few days ago, did they have to be so touchy? Jasper realized he was going into dangerous grounds. He couldn't help feeling jealous towards Jacob who had gotten more action than he had all week.

"I would have come sooner but I had to finish my patrol," Jacob led Bella into the kitchen and she sat down next to Jasper.

"So what's happening? Why are you here?" Bella asked picking up Alaska and setting her on her lap to pet.

"Umm," Jacob hesitated looking at Jasper. Jasper suddenly felt very Edward like. He wanted to keep Bella safe and worry free but he didn't see how keeping her out of the loop would make her happy. Jasper nodded and Jacob told her everything, from Charlies message to Sam's suspicions of Jasper. By the time he was done Bella was fuming.

"Charlie still thinks Jasper is taking advantage of the situation but he'll realize sooner or later that this is for the best, he doesn't know about the vampires or how much danger he and I are both in but Sam, he knows! And you came here on his orders!" Bella pointed an accusing finger at Jacob.

Jacob stepped back, his hands in the air, "I don't agree with him!" That seemed to put a stop to Bella's anger, "I'm mostly here because I'm curious about this," he waved between Jasper and Bella, "And because Charlie wanted to come but I told him I would."

Jasper and Bella looked at each other curiously. Jacob didn't know about their kiss seeing as they hadn't told a soul about what had never happened so were they being that obvious about their feelings even if they weren't telling each other?

They talked a few minutes about the explosion and the fire but soon it was apparent that Bella couldn't fight sleep any longer. She bid them goodnight and went back to bed, Alaska tailing behind her. Jasper set up Jacob in the living room while he went to his room to lay on his bed. His mind was too full of their conversation to read anything. He could but he knew he wouldn't enjoy it.

Bella woke up later than usual that day. She spent the majority of her day doing homework and watching Jacob and Jasper play video games. She seemed beyond exhausted but somehow around the time she started gearing up for work she looked better.

Jasper had planned on warning Jacob about Bella's work attire but decided he would have some fun. He was rewarded with a 15 minute rant from Jacob's end on the overkill of sexiness and inappropriateness that was Bella's short shorts and corset. Even Jasper had to admit that Angel's old things were even more revealing than Bella's previous outfits. She didn't seem to mind one bit though as she continued to put on makeup.

When she was done she looked at Jacob up and down before shaking her head, "Do you have other clothes?" She asked looking disapprovingly at his cutout jeans.

"What? Some sweat pants but what does that matter?" He asked.

"They'll kick you right out if you wear that to the club," Jasper had come up behind Jacob to join in on their conversation. Bella caught his eye and then her eyes wondered down his body but a bit more slowly. "I don't suppose you'll have anything for him, I think we can find you some pants in the lost in found. You'd be surprise what's left behind."

That had caused another 15 minute rant about how Bella had no place to be talking to him about what he wore but Jacob had still gotten into the Jeep and entered through the back with her. He had still changed into some decent pants and met Jasper rather grumpily in his seat.

Jasper had already ordered Jacob a coke seeing as he was a minor and Jacob had looked at him like he had to be kidding him.

"I've killed a vampire and turn into a werewolf and yet I can't drink alcohol, how do you reason that?" He asked sipping his coke reluctantly.

"I reason it by telling myself, _I don't want to get Bella fired, _that's how." Jacob huffed and looked around the club. The longer he sat there enjoying the music the more he seemed okay with the choice of pants and drink. He was even asked out to dance by a few college girls. He refused the first couple of times but Jasper encouraged him to go. Normally when he sat there day after day it was him refusing the dances from the people who didn't normally venture into that club, but people who did go there often knew Jasper refused everyone.

He was content with watching Bella work. He wondered what she would do next after this, and then after that, and after that. He wondered what she would do after Victoria was taken care of. She would get her degree in English and probably get some job at a publishing house or an online company writing for them. She would meet the geeky messenger boy who had some hidden musical talent or something like that and marry him. They would have kids and get old together. Meanwhile Jasper would recover from his divorce and probably go live up with Peter and Charlotte in Texas. When they grew tired of him he planned to buy some property in Texas himself to not grow old and not have a family or kids. Maybe he would meet his mate or maybe he wouldn't He considered what he had said to Bella a month and a half ago, that he rather be alone than with someone he didn't love. He was starting to wonder if that was the better road.

Jacob sitting down next to Jasper snapped him out of his thoughts. "What a night!" He said over the music. Jasper nodded and tried to smile.

"You know what I was thinking," Jacob said not noticing Jasper's sudden mood change, "about the cat. It doesn't make sense."

Jasper looked at Jacob and gestured with his hand for him to continue.

"Well, from what Bella told me, the cat was inside a closet right?" Jasper nodded, "Why would Victoria try to spare an animal's life if she's willing to kill an old lady? And even then why kill her if Bella isn't next door? She drove Bella straight into your arms."

Jasper leaned forward and swirled his drink under his nose like he did every night. He had considered all of this but he couldn't come up with a plausible answer.

"It doesn't sound like Victoria does it?" Jacob said quietly but loud enough for Jasper to hear it. There it was, the thing he had been avoiding.

"Listen to yourself Jacob," Jasper said putting his drink down. "It makes even less sense for another vampire to have done it."

"But what about the vampire whose scent you caught the night you saw Bella?" Jacob urged Jasper.

"One of Victoria's followers maybe, she could be using him to spy on her. I've gone through all of the possibilities myself Jacob, I doubt that another vampire did this." Jasper could hear the strength leaving his voice. He was saying all of that more to himself than to Jacob.

"Are you sure you didn't catch a scent when you got to her apartment?" Jacob looked more defeated now.

"No, there were too many people and any scents inside her apartment might have been pushed out by the smoke."

"What about the cat?" Jacob asked, the sides of his lips curving upward. "Did you smell the cat?"

"What? No, why?" Jasper asked, grinning.

"Well, who ever put the cat inside the closet had to touch it right? It makes no sense for the lady to try to kill herself and not set the cat free at least so that it doesn't die with her. And if she wanted the cat to die with her, why put it in the closet?"

Jasper remembered Alaska being bundled up by the fireman and then Bella carrying it to the pet store and the veterinary office in the same bundle. All he could see of Alaska had been her head that was covered in soot from the smoke inside the apartment. Her lower body must have been fine, having been covered. Why hadn't he checked?

"I never checked her," Jasper said finally looking down at his drink wishing he could drink it without making himself sick.

"Well," Jacob said, "it's too late now, HEY!" Jacob had jumped up from his seat and started making his way over to a table across the floor from them a few feet away. Bella had clearly been tending that table and been approached a bit too hard by a client because Jacob was producing large amounts of anger.

Jasper only had time to send Jacob a strong surge of calm before Bella slapped and kneed the gentleman that had groped her. Jacob stopped in his tracks, swatting at the air around him as if an annoying fly was bothering him. Jasper pulled him back into his seat where they watched the man be escorted out by security.

"Was that you?" Jacob asked looking confused. "Did you make me feel that way?"

"She has it under control," Jasper explained how he had wanted to react that same way many times before but Bella had never failed to defend herself. "Just trust her, she's not so breakable."

Jacob stared at Jasper for a moment before saying, "You're nothing like him you know? He would never have let Bella do this."

"I don't _let_ Bella do anything, she's her own person. She's happy here." Jasper sighed and leaned back in his chair, "Besides, I'm hardly better than him. Her apartment burned down on my watch."

"So?" Jacob said feeling a bit exasperated, "So a few of her things were burned but she wasn't hurt and now she's safer with you. Stuff doesn't matter to Bella, it's the people around her who do. Had he known that, he wouldn't have left. If he truly knew Bella and what made her happy, he would still be here."

Jasper could feel that it was costing Jacob a bit of his pride to say all of that. To admit that one Cullen had done the right thing and that the other hadn't.

"You know what makes me the angriest?" Jacob said. "She told me that you and your family hadn't know what he said to her. She told me that he had lied to keep her safe from the vampire world but in the end I think he truly meant it. He truly felt she wasn't good enough for him. So nothing really changed. She was still abandoned and deceived by someone that said he had loved her."

Jasper was seeing a side of Jacob he never thought he would see. He had only been near him a hand full of times but it seemed he had never been this angry.

"She came crying to me one night," Jacob said looking at Jasper with a sad sort of grin on his face, "I was fixing my car and she pulled up in her old truck. I heard her coming from a mile away thinking she wanted to go ride bikes at midnight or something even though they weren't finished yet. But then I heard her crying and I saw her shaking. It wasn't even cold out. She said she'd had a nightmare. I thought she was talking about Victoria and then she started saying his name over and over again and talking about how she wasn't good enough for that scumbag. You don't love someone and make them feel that way, you just don't."

The drive to their apartment was silent that night. Jasper had driven while Jacob sat in the back staring out of his window. Bella was dozing quietly in the passenger seat clutching her bag. Jasper sensed the doll he had told her about in it. He knew she carried it around everywhere she went even though she didn't know exactly what it was. He figured she wouldn't believe him if he told her so he kept to himself until she asked. He felt he would need to tell her soon though because he could feel the protection on it slipping, another thing that would be hard to explain to her.

It was difficult to feel grateful for anything as Jacob and Bella said goodnight and Jasper followed her to her room.

"Mind if I just stay with you until you fall asleep?" Jasper asked quietly so Jacob couldn't hear them from downstairs. Bella got the hint about the whispering.

"Everything okay?" She asked almost too quietly for human ears. Jasper grinned and nodded.

"I feel calmer when I feel you fall asleep, almost like I can too." Bella looked at him sadly for a moment before she nodded and took her night things into the bathroom to dress for bed. Jasper lay on her bed and stared out of her window where he could see some street lamps and the apartments across the street.

When she came out she joined him and settled in-between the covers. She placed one arm over his abdomen and said goodnight. She was out in a flash but Jasper remained perpetually awake.

He decided that he would stop letting Edward interfere with his emotions even though he wasn't around anymore. He would protect Bella as much from Edward as from Victoria. Edward might have felt that he was too good for Bella but Jasper felt that she was too much for him. Already he loved her more than he could have imagined and already he felt more responsible for her safety than ever before.

The next day Jacob said his goodbyes and left them with their refrigerator significantly more empty than it had ever been. Bella didn't have school that day nor did she have work but she did spend the day studying and relaxing with Alaska. She looked more relaxed and well rested than she had all week.

Around dinner time she stuck a movie inside the DVD player and they watched it like nothing was wrong in the world. When the movie was done she insisted on watching the nightly news with him like they had done every night to make sure that no vampire activities were going on unnoticed by them. She didn't make it five minutes into the 10 o'clock news before she was out. Alaska wedged into the sofa and her back while she lay her head near Jasper's lap.

When he was done flipping through the channels he turned the television off and carried Bella gently up to her bed. Alaska followed them quietly upstairs. She waited by the bed while Jasper tucked Bella in and then himself right next to her. She jumped onto the bed and curled up next to one of Bella's pillows. He wished he could fall asleep next to them so he simply closed his eyes and pretended.

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	15. Near To You

**Important**: You may have noticed that this chapter is not titled '15'. It is chapter 15 but from this point onward the title of the chapters will have names. My story is not a song fic even though the name was inspired by a Boyce Avenue song. The story itself doesn't really have anything to do with the song.

I chose Near To You by A Fine Frenzy. I felt the title was fitting and some parts of the song compliment what I had already written previously. I told you guys early on that this story wouldn't be fluffy and you may have started to believe I was lying, but I wasn't. You can think of this as part two of this story. Grab your night lights.

**(Lyrics will be provided at the end of the chapter)**

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_Bella didn't recall clearly the moment Jasper and her had become Jasper and Bella. It had once been Edward and Bella. Bella and the Cullen's. Never Jasper and Bella. _

_Jasper had blended into the background, behind Edward and Alice. Behind Carlisle and Esme, the parental's. He had been standing behind Rosalie and Emmett. He had been East Berlin and her West. He had been there but she never truly saw him. Suddenly they were all gone and for a while he had been as well._

_So how had they become Jasper and Bella, kissing in the middle of the dance floor with Champagne raining down on them? People were pushing up against every side of them, screaming Happy New Year! Most of them were kissing their partners or hugging their neighbor or blowing their horns. But after the music came back on and the DJ announced it was time to continue the party, Jasper and Bella continued to kiss, both wondering why in the world it had taken them this long._

Bella was standing precariously on the ladder Jasper had found for her so she could put garland around the house. At the moment she was struggling to remember why this had seemed like a good idea. Trying to put some of the green in a little nook above the kitchen meant for decoration she sighed and groaned, "Why am I up here?" She said more to herself than to Jasper. "Not that I'm complaining or anything but why isn't the vampire who won't die if he falls and hits himself on the head doing this instead?"

"Because you insisted and I really do mean, insisted on getting a ladder to do it yourself because and I quote '_I don't need your help to decorate for Christmas, I'm capable of putting a little garland around the house_.'" Jasper flipped through a historical society magazine that had a Civil War article he had been 'figuratively' dying to read for inaccuracies. Even though his eyes were on the magazine recording and noting the many mistakes in it, his senses were all zeroed in on the wobbly third leg of the ladder.

He could see Bella's reflection, distorted as it may be, on the television and he would glance at it occasionally.

"Yes but obviously I was wrong," she gave a little jump when the ladder squeaked and moved too much to one side. She steadied herself and breathed deeply, her heart beat went back to a normal steady rhythm.

"Are you saying you need help?" Jasper asked putting down his magazine and turning around in the sofa to look at her. She was looking flushed which only amused him more.

Bella bit her lip and narrowed her eyes, "Yes, I need your help. Can you please get up here?" Jasper smiled and rushed past her into the nook above her where he took the garland from her hands and finished hanging it for her before she even realized he was gone from the couch.

When she realized the garland wasn't in her hands anymore she looked up and was surprised to see him there.

"That was-" she started to say excitingly but changed her direction half way, "fast. Thank you." Jasper laughed and jumped down from the nook to help her down the ladder.

"We should get a tree today," Jasper said once she was safely back on the ground. Bella sat down on the sofa while she watched Jasper clear a space where he wanted the future tree to go.

There was something she wanted to ask but she needed it to sound casual. Jasper had enough trouble talking about his past without her asking all of the time.

"Jasper?" He didn't turn around but continued to move things around. He acknowledged her by humming in response. "Do you remember Christmas as a human?"

It was almost comical how he stopped suddenly. He was holding a particularly heavy armoire in his arms but he held it as if it was as heavy as a feather. He didn't look mad, in fact he looked confused.

Jasper put the armoire on the other side of the television before answering, "Some of it. They're not as clear as other memories but I remember my childhood the best."

Bella was confused. She remembered Edward telling her that human memories were particularly hard to remember because the trauma of changing affected recollections. He said that many vampires rarely remembered their human childhood memories.

Jasper turned around and smiled, he must have seen the confusion on Bella's face and felt it. "Let me explain," he walked around the coffee table and sat on it to face Bella. "When most vampires are changed, they think they are dying. At first you can't think about anything but the pain. It's all you feel and everything you know. You're not human, you're not vampire, you're just…fire.

Around the end of the second day it gets worse. At the beginning you think the pain is everywhere but it's really just at your ends, then it truly is inside of you. I thought I was finally going to die. I was willing to welcome death with open hands. I started remembering my life, particularly those things that made me the happiest. I was still on fire but a part of my mind had started to wonder and I chose to remember. It's different for every vampire Bella. The pain is the same, what we chose to remember is different."

"Edward remembered being sick, he remembered his parents…" Bella said before she could stop herself. She knew she was blushing in embarrassment but quickly realized she had nothing to fear by saying his name or bringing him up. She had to keep her promise about stopping Edward from ruining things.

Jasper didn't seem at all fazed that she had said his name. He nodded and gave her a contemplative look, "Edward was sick, he focused on seeing his parents again. It's what he wanted the most so it's no surprise that what he remembers the best is his dying day."

"What did the others see?" She wasn't dying to know but she was curious and Jasper must have felt it because he sighed and smiled.

"Well Alice didn't have such a great human life. She remembers being in an asylum because even as a human she had great intuition and visions. She was thought crazy but of course she was just misunderstood. Anything we know about her previous life we've found out by doing a lot of research. She just remembers feeling alone in a dark room."

"That's terrible," she felt a twinge of sadness and pity for Alice even though she had left her and Jasper. Nobody deserved to feel that way.

Jasper nodded, "Yeah it is but I guess it all turned around for her right?" His voice was void of emotion but Bella could tell that he was making it be so. He still cared even though he didn't want to. "Out of all of us Rosalie probably remembers the most. She remembered being wealthy and well off. She was going to get married and she aspired to be a mother," Bella's eyes widened from the shock. Rosalie seemed the least motherly person she had ever met. "I know what you're thinking but she's not as bad as you think Bella. She was betrayed and Carlisle found her. He turned her against her will so she was exceptionally angry during her change. At Carlisle and her former fiancé. She remembers the last week of her life very clearly.

Emmett doesn't remember much, maybe anything to be honest. He was attacked by a bear during a camping trip while the family was hunting. Rosalie saw him and instantly knew she wanted him to be saved. I always thought it was a bit hypocritical of her part. She didn't have a choice and she didn't really give Emmett one either. Carlisle changed him and lord behold the moment he woke he locked eyes with Rosalie and they've been inseparable since."

"He wasn't mad at her?" Bella asked feeling like she would be if she had to start a new life that she hadn't chosen.

"He was surprised I've been told," Jasper smiled as if he was remembering a particularly good memory, "but Emmett doesn't hold grudges. I think he thought this new life was cool. They told him how he had almost died and his love for bears stemmed from there."

"Why didn't he remember the attack?" It was a bit odd that he wouldn't remember anything, even the last minutes of his former life.

Jasper sat back a little and contemplated, "I think it was because Emmett wasn't used to pain like that. We think it was a bit of a shock for him. His personality wasn't effected though, just his memories."

All that was left now was Carlisle and Esme. "What about the others?"

Jasper looked uncomfortable for a minute, "Well Esme remembers losing her child. Like Edward she remembers being sick but unlike him she had the choice to go…on her own terms." It took Bella a moment but when she got it Jasper had already continued, "she remembers feeling a strong sense of responsibility and motherly affection.

Carlisle remembers the most next to Rosalie, I think. He used to hunt his own kind before he became one of us. He felt desperate to be anything but what he had become. He remembers his father and the love he had for him. Carlisle isn't a bad man," Jasper looked down and played with his hands, "sometimes good people do bad things but it doesn't make them bad people."

Bella gave herself a moment to try to understand that but her disappointment in Carlisle for leaving them was a barrier she couldn't climb over.

"And you? You remember Christmas?" Bella smiled when she saw Jasper grin.

"We used to live in Northern Texas, back when it was even less populated than now. Christmas trees used to grow in the fall on the ranch we lived on and when it started to snow my father would bring us to watch him cut a tree. I was the oldest of four boys and two girls so I helped him cut the tree every year before I went off. We would trim it with clay ornaments that my Mother would make and my siblings would color them with powders and paints. I would help father roast the pig or deer, whatever we were having that year.

I remember the year my father enlisted to serve, he left right before Christmas and I was left to be 'the man of the house.' I cut the tree on my own that year because one of my sisters had come down with the flu and mother didn't want the others to get sick by going outside. I remember feeling like I had grown up over night and I liked it. I think I starved for more so after that I also enlisted. It broke my mother's heart but by then the second oldest could work and provide. That was my last Christmas with them…"

Jasper drifted out, caught up in his memories.

"Did you ever look for them? You know, after you had changed?" Bella instantly knew this was the wrong thing to ask. It was as if a black cloud had come over Jasper. He stood up and started rearranging the room again, too fast for her to follow.

Before she could apologize he was answering her, "I couldn't. Once you're a vampire you have to admit it to yourself. You can't have any relationship with people from your human life, it's unnatural and cruel." Jasper slowed down long enough for Bella to see that he wasn't angry, he just seemed determined to not meet her eye. "Rosalie learned that the hard way, so did Carlisle. Once you're like us you can't be human again. We look like them, we talk like them but we're not alive anymore. They're going to grow old and die and it's not right for us to hold onto them."

"Edward wanted me to grow old, he didn't want to change me…" She said it in hopes that he would laugh at Edward or change his train of thought.

Jasper stopped moving to face her, "I thought he would return you know?" That was the last thing Bella had expected to hear.

"Yeah so had I but-"

"No Bella, we all thought you were his mate. It's hard to tell when a vampire truly mates with a human. I used to think Edward was testing the waters by leaving you. If he went back to you then he probably would have changed you right away. Mates can't live without one another. It kills them to be apart, well not so literally but it does drive them mad, mad enough to find a way to die."

"So we were never mated?" She had figured they had never been 'mates' but she didn't know the specifics.

"No," Jasper said sitting down next to her on the sofa. "I know it doesn't take away the pain you felt or the time you lost mourning him but it was probably for the best that he left when he did. It saved you from the change only to find our you were in love with the wrong man when you woke up."

It didn't seem like such a good way to explain things but she realized he was probably right.

"I did go back," Jasper said suddenly turning to face her, "when Alice and I had been with the Cullen's around 10 years. We took our first vacation, I wanted to visit Peter and Charlotte…some friends I made after my change. Alice wanted to go to Italy but I'm not particularly fond of that place so we decided to meet up later.

Peter told me there was some land upstate that was for sale. I was curious to go back there just to see how it looked like now. The ranch I had lived on wasn't there anymore. Apparently it had burned down during a wildfire." Bella gasped thinking about his family, "It happened long after they were gone, they weren't hurt. For a while the land wasn't livable but of course, I wasn't alive so I bought it. After it was okay for humans to walk it, I hired someone to look after it and tend it."

"You never found out what became of your family?" She asked hoping he had.

Jasper nodded, "After I bought the land I went through some records and found that the Whitlock family had died out a few years before. I was shocked because there had been four boys. My oldest brother joined the end of the war after I had changed. He had two daughters and only one of them had gone on to have children, just girls. My second youngest brother had contracted the flu from my sister and died a couple months after I had joined the war. I had a chance to mourn him while I was alive. My youngest brother had one son but that son died. I don't know how but I assume it was of age and I couldn't find any birth certificates that might belong to any of his kids. My sisters married and took care of my mother but she died shortly after I had changed. Maybe it was hearing I had disappeared and the pain from having another son go out to war. I'm not sure. My sisters had children but marriage certificates are a bit more complicated to search for since they must have changed their names."

"What happened to your father?" Bella had noticed he hadn't mentioned him in a while.

"He died in battle just weeks before I was changed. I was going back home to tell my family but I didn't make it in time…" Jasper stopped and became very still. Bella knew he was debating. She was still confused as to why he didn't trust her but she didn't want to push him.

"I want to get a tree," she said to break the silence and to give him the option of waiting longer. Jasper smiled, a broken smile that tore her heart. She knew this was important for him so she would wait, it didn't matter how long.

Their December was eventful. They picked up the biggest tree that would fit through the door and decorated it together. Jasper told her he loved the smell of it in the house. He said it was one of the things he missed from being with the Cullen's, the family gathered around the tree while Alice and Rosalie dictated where the ornaments went.

"But it's more fun with you," he added when they had met on the other side of the tree near a branch in the front. "You don't boss me around and tell me where to put things."

"Charlie and I used to do this together," she said with a grin. "Something always went wrong. We blew a fuse one year, broke half the branches the next, and one year we cut the tree wrong so we had a lopsided one because we decided we were too lazy to level it.

Christmas was the only time of the year I got to see Charlie aside from a few days in the summer when he'd come visit me." Bella went around the tree with a hand full of ornaments and started placing them sporadically around the back of the tree, "Mom doesn't like Christmas very much, she'll get the tree and the decorations but she never finishes one thing before starting another."

"I'm glad you're not that way," Jasper said coming around the back and helping her finish it.

They had finished trimming the tree and gone to finish putting garland on as many surfaces Bella could find. Soon their entire apartment looked like a winter wonderland.

They stood in the middle of the living room and looked around at their work before Jasper decided to put some lights in the tiny back yard they had. When he disappeared behind the glass doors Bella watched him. How desperate was she going to get before she finally broke down and kissed him?

2 years ago she didn't think she could love again. Some days she told herself that what she had felt for Edward was some sick puppy love, but it had been love. It hadn't been perfect, dysfunctional and a bit healthy yes but it had been love. She had something good here, she felt happy near Jasper.

But there was a wall with Edwards name written all over it. If he had wanted to make sure they were mated then he must have loved her. She wanted to believe that it had hurt him as much as it had hurt her when he realized he wasn't her mate. She wanted him to bleed the tears she had shed, she wanted him to see her dreams and read her mind so she could torture him with the memory of her pain. She had loved him, she knew she had because she had felt it. In the wake of his leaving a part of her had died. He had killed her innocence.

And here was Jasper making her feel like she could have it back. But there was no future for them. Her life had a timeline that was to end either tomorrow or 60 years from now. His life was infinite, he had eternity to heal but she only had today.

She continued to think about this the rest of the month. She dreamt about it while Jasper hugged her, she would day dream about the possibilities in class, and imagine it during work. When she was near Jasper she was happy. What else mattered?

It was the week before New Years and Bella had just gotten off of the phone with Charlie who had just called to tell her he had received her gift. She was in the employee offices when Angel came in carrying a box labeled 'lost and found'.

"Hey did I hear you talking with your dad?" Angel asked rummaging through the box.

Bella nodded putting her phone away and going over to the box to get first picks, "Yeah he called to tell me he got his new fishing rod, he was practically crying with gratitude."

Angel laughed and held out a pair of sunglasses which Bella shook her head at.

"I got you down for New Years Bella so don't be late okay?" Angel put the glasses on and was nearly half way out of the door when Bella realized what she had said.

"Wait, what? No I can't work New Years," Bella and Jasper had planned pigging out and watching the countdown. She had totally forgotten that she had signed up for the event months ago.

"Oh come on," Angel said taking the glasses off and looking at Bella with puppy eyes. "I have to manage that night and everybody else has amazing sob stories, none of which I believe. Come on Bell's, please do this, please Bella, please-"

"Okay! Okay I'll work," Angel was hugging her before Bella could stop her from advancing and she left the room with a little skip in her step.

The last thing she wanted to do was work on New Years. She was starting to consider taking a semester off of school. She just couldn't do both of them at the same time with the possibility of Victoria showing up looming over her and Jasper.

Even though it was the last place on Earth she wanted to be at, she still showed up to the New Year bash that Blue was hosting. Instead of his usual table, Jasper took up a permanent seat at the bar where he watched Bella come and go. She would only be at the bar long enough to pick up the drinks and then she would be lost inside the crowd.

During her break she took Jasper into the employee offices and leaned her head against the cold lockers.

"Do something," she said out of breath and looking like she would burst into tears soon. "Anything, just make me feel like I'm not about to vomit."

Jasper touched the small of her back gently and sent her some calm. When he felt it affecting her he started to send her some elation. Her heart beat sped up and her cheeks became flushed.

"Thanks," she said turning around and leaned against the wall. "Why does that feel so good and so…weird at the same time?"

"Because they're not your emotions, they're foreign…" Jasper held her hand and kept sending her the mixture of clam and happiness throughout her break while they talked about mundane things like Alaska's need for new cat litter and Bella getting a new pillow because her old one was too soft.

"I needed this," she said opening the door to the office and setting out for the bar. He touched her back again and felt an emotion from Bella this time. It caught him off guard so he let go and wished her luck.

10 till to midnight Jasper allowed himself to think about it. He had felt her love. It wasn't a brotherly love or even appreciation. It was the same feeling he felt when he thought about her. This was it, they were both feeling it and they both wanted it but what stopped them?

Was she afraid to show her love for him because she feared that he'd leave her like Edward had? He sure as hell didn't want her to leave him. They could be two people learning to love again. He wanted Edward and Alice to fade into the background but it was taking so long. They'd felt pain, pain that should never be felt.

Somewhere near the one minute mark Bella had gone around passing the final drinks and told everyone she gave one to, to not drink it. Finally the DJ tuned the music out and Jasper found himself searching for Bella who was in the middle of the dance floor holding her tray and looking at the DJ.

"Count with me!" The DJ said playing an animated version of the countdown while everyone else counted down with it.

"10!" Jasper pulled Bella into him and smiled down at her. She smiled right back at him as the lights from the DJ zoomed all across the room illuminating him in many different colors.

"9!" Jasper pulled her as close as she could be "8!" He bent down close to her ear and memorized her scent like he did every waking moment, "7!"

"I love you," he said into her ear. Bella shuddered but Jasper felt her love course through her and hit him hard, "6!"

"I love you too," Bella said back, wrapping her arms around him and dropping her tray. Somewhere in the background she remembered hearing '5!' "But what if we ruin everything?" She was shaking, she wanted to kiss him and run away all at the same time.

"4!" Jasper leaned in closer and brushed his lips against her neck, "3!" Bella shivered with anticipation and fear, "2!" Jasper pulled away slightly and made eye contact with her, "I'm not going anywhere as long as you love me back."

"1!" There was a roar of horns and wooing from all sides of them but they didn't hear it. Bella nodded and leaned up on her tippy toes to kiss Jasper with as much passion as she could muster. Jasper pulled her closer and responded in kind. They kissed for hours, days, years. He could feel the unbreakable pull to her that would only end in death for him. She was the one and he just knew it. He would never forget the softness of her lips or the feel of her hair in his hands. He would memorize the beat of her heart, his favorite song.

Bella pulled away for a second, she had to look into his eyes. He was real, he was home. She was terrified and excited but she was happy about it. A second was too long for Jasper so he kissed her again and again, her tray lay forgotten on the floor.

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**I am the worst at being romantic. I'm anti-cheese aka cliché romance. It's not my thing and the count down was out of my comfort zone. We have to write stuff we don't know however and I know nothing about romance so bear with me. I'm 19 and I've never wanted a boyfriend less so all of my inspiration is 3 or 4 years behind.**

**As promised the lyrics of the song that sort of inspired this chapter are here: Near To You by A Fine Frenzy**

_He and I had something beautiful_

_But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last_

_I loved him so but I let him go_

_'Cause I knew he'd never love me back_

_Such pain as this_

_Shouldn't have to be experienced_

_I'm still reeling from the loss, Still a little bit delirious_

_Near to you, I am healing_

_But it's taking so long_

_'Cause though he's gone_

_And you are wonderful_

_It's hard to move on_

_Yet, I'm better near to you_

_Well you and I had something different_

_And I'm enjoying it cautiously_

_I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard_

_To get back to who I used to be_

_He's disappearing_

_Fading subtly_

_I'm so close to being yours_

_Won't you stay with me please_

_Near to you, I am healing_

_But it's taking so long'_

_Cause though he's gone_

_And you are wonderful_

_It's hard to move on_

_Yet, I'm better near to you. I'm better near to you. _

_I only know that I am_

_Better where you are_

_I only know that I am_

_Better where you are_

_I only know that I belong_

_Where you are_

_Near to you, I am healing_

_But it's taking so long_

_Though he's gone_

_And you are wonderful_

_It's hard to move on_

_Near to you, I am healing_

_But it's taking so long_

_'Cause though he's gone_

_And you are wonderful_

_It's hard to move on_

_Yet, I'm better near to you, I'm better near to you._


	16. Fire

_**DISCLAIMER**_**: This chapter contains 'explicit' sexual content that violates FanFiction laws. I can only post a 'tame' version of this chapter on this site unless I want my story taken down. If you want to read the full unedited chapter then go to my biography and I will provide the link there. Make sure to come back and review here though!**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME BACK AND REVIEW HERE.**

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**Victoria/David**

Victoria paced back and forth on the top most railing of an abandoned and run down parking garage near a strip of clubs. From her spot she could see most of downtown Seattle while fireworks went off in the distance, lighting her up and making it seem like she was on fire.

She could hear her creations feeding behind her on some stupid couple that had wondered too close to their temporary home. Drunk and unsuspecting they had met three of her newborns only to find out those red eyes would be the last thing they'd ever see.

She sensed him coming from below, all of her senses zeroed in on her first creation. He was walking at a human speed which he knew made her even more angry, especially after having disappeared for a couple of days.

"Where have you been?" She asked when he finally reached the level she was on, "and don't lie David, I know you were near them."

"I was only doing as you asked of me. It's not so easy to spy on them, he's a good tracker." Victoria turned and faced the man she thought could be a decent replacement for her James. But vampires rarely mated so soon or even at all after the death of their other half. She had needed someone and David had caught her eye.

It enraged her that he did not understand her need to kill Bella now before somebody else got a hold of her. She was a danger magnet who was bound to attract more trouble for her kind, she needed to drop dead soon.

"I don't care if he's a good tracker, " Victoria stormed past him, she was just a blur of red. She pointed at her newborns and smiled devilishly, "they're ready now, I won't wait much longer David."

"Then go ahead and do it. It's too late; they're mated," David stood still while Victoria screamed. He had never seen her this angry. His confirmation hadn't come at a worse time. Even the newborns stopped feeding for a moment to look at her while she pulled at her hair and shut her eyes.

"Fine," she said after opening her eyes and breathing in deeply. "Fine, we'll attack soon."

"Why?" David asked hoping his question was obvious.

"Don't start again, I've given you enough time to get your brother out of there." Victoria passed him again and walked over to the opening from where she could see more drunk people stumbling along singing at the top of their lungs. She clutched the railing and bent it unknowingly.

"I mean, why are you doing all of this? Why now?" David had a feeling he already knew the answer. After all he had known Victoria, his creator, for two years now.

"Because David," Victoria sounded sweet, almost sane, "she's happy now. If I had killed her when she was walking around heart broken after her dear Edward had left her, she would have welcomed me with open arms. I was happy with James and that was taken away from me."

He couldn't see her but he knew she was smiling, "When will you do it?" He hoped she would give him enough time, time to warn them.

"You'll see."

* * *

Jasper made sure to watch his strength as he pushed Bella up against the door where they hung their coats. It seemed she hadn't noticed the crack that had been made on the door by Jasper in an effort to not hurt her. She was too busy kissing him and trying to get his coat off.

Jasper helped her remove it and then he made work on hers too. When their coats fell on the floor Bella reached over to him and pulled him close. He heard a rip and then the unmistakable sound of buttons falling on the tile floor. He stopped kissing Bella for two seconds to see his ripped shirt in her hands.

"Bed….now," Bella breathed. She hooked her arms around Jasper's neck as he picked her up and ran them to his room. He knew he would be struggling to watch his strength and anticipated ripped sheets or broken furniture. Bella didn't seem to care what room they were in as long as there was a bed.

He helped her to the center of the bed where they kissed for a while. He didn't want to rush this but Bella had other plans. She was running her hands over his chest and naked back while she moaned underneath him. Her legs had him pinned down to her and she was pushing up with a certain part of her body that was driving Jasper mad. He wanted to rip her shorts and tights off then and now but his need to know one particular thing stopped him.

"Bella," he said pulling away to meet her eyes, "have you ever done this before?" The way she had taken complete control of the situation made it seem like a stupid question, but he had to ask or else he would hate himself forever.

Jasper wasn't sure what he had expected her to say but the blush that appeared on her cheeks was no surprise. What did catch him off guard was the sudden guilt she felt.

"Once or twice," she said biting her lip and looking off to the side so he couldn't stare into her eyes.

"Bella," he whispered pushing her hair out of the way so he could see her clearly. He wasn't mad, how could he be? But he couldn't help feeling slightly jealous at the person lucky enough to have had her. "Please look at me."

Reluctantly she met his eyes again, by now he knew they would be red but she wasn't intimidated. She was emitting wave after wave of lust which only seemed to become stronger the longer she stared into his eyes.

"Edward?" He asked having thought that they'd never gotten that far.

"Edward?" She seemed confused and then realization dawned on her, "What, no!" Bella laughed as she readjusted herself underneath him. He thought he was putting too much weight on her but the mischievous look she gave him was far too pleasurable than pained. "He never went anywhere south of my neck Jasper." She touched his neck as if showing him exactly what she was talking about and lingered for a while on his turning mark. He wasn't sure if she could see it properly but her fingers tracing it let him know that she could definitely feel it. "We were both freshmen; awkward and shy." She smiled not taking her eyes away from his neck and her fingers, "I would see him everyday at the library and eventually one day he asked if he could sit at the table I was always at. Studying led to talking and that led to friendship. I think we just needed to feel a connection to someone."

Jasper took one of her hands and kissed it, he didn't know what to think of this guy but he seemed to have helped Bella as much as she had helped him.

"It was never anything more though. I didn't love him and he didn't love me. He transferred at the end of the year to FSU, we decided it was best to not keep contact."

"Do you regret it?" Jasper asked needing to know.

"Not for a second," she met his eyes and there was truth behind them, "I don't know if that makes me a slut or a whore but he needed this as much as I needed to heal."

He leaned down and captured her lips. "You're not a slut," he planted a few kisses on her neck as well, "or a whore," he moved her hair away from her shoulder and kissed the part where her collarbone started, "you're my Bella."

"I like the sound of that," she breathed. Jasper found the back of her corset and thought for a moment. She seemed to wear this particular one often but then he thought, to hell with it; he'd have it sewed back if she missed it. He pulled hard and then heard the material come cleanly off. "I don't like _that _sound!" She looked at him wide eyed but he captured her lips again and all argument died.

* * *

Bella was sleeping on Jasper's chest, his coldness offset by the heat that still radiated off of her skin from their nightly activities. It was still dark out but Jasper could feel the impending rise of the sun. It would be too bright for him to go out today but he didn't foresee any reason to join the rest of the humans outside anyway. He didn't want to be anywhere but on this bed with Bella cuddled up next to him.

Bella jerked and at the same time her heart beat sped up. It was a nightmare, he knew he just did. A second later her breathing came harder and he felt her eyelids open and her hand turn into a fist over his stomach.

She looked up at him and smiled, "I fell asleep, sorry…" she rested herself more comfortably against him and started to play with his hand.

"Go back to sleep," he said turning on his side to look at her face. He was thirsty and he wanted her but deep inside he knew he would never touch her that way. It was a feeling unlike any other. A strange sort of protectiveness towards her made him incapable of even considering hurting her. He had a feeling he knew what it was but to say it aloud would be like confirming he had finally found _it_.

And _it_ would not last forever. She would grow old and leave her body but his love for her would never cease. He would continue to live in pain from losing the one thing they're promised as vampires. A partner and a friend with whom they can forever be with.

"You're thinking mighty hard about something," she said reaching up and messing with his already crazy sex hair.

"It's nothing," he bent down to capture her lips for a moment before pressing his lips to her forehead. Vampires knew better than anyone that time was not something calculated with minutes and seconds but with moments. Things that grabbed onto you and don't let go. He wanted to remember every moment with her, he wanted it so bad he was afraid of missing a single heart beat.

So much of his life had been wasted fighting battles for other men, indulging his superiors, and loving the wrong people.

"I wish you had loved me instead of Edward," Jasper said suddenly without registering the words that had come out before he could stop them.

Bella was silent and Jasper refused to meet her eyes. He wasn't sure what he would see if he did.

"In a perfect world I would have loved you but you were with Alice, it would have been wrong," Jasper didn't want to say that it wouldn't if only he could admit they were mated. Alice would have been angry but she knew they weren't meant to last for eternity. They knew it was possible one of them would meet their mate and want to leave. "Don't think about the past, it's not healthy Jasper."

"No," he said, "but I think it's time you heard mine…before you decide to go any further with me."

"Further?" She asked confused and then a smile appeared on her face, "I think we've gone as far as we can go."

Jasper laughed light heartedly. He didn't want to fear anything anymore. The weight of his past that he had carried all of this time seemed to be tipping over the edge, ready to relieve him. He trusted her.

He looked at Bella, beautiful young Bella and realized she was only a year older than he had been when he was changed.

"It's okay," she said taking his hand and wrapping her warm one around it, "I'm not going anywhere."

Jasper smiled and began, "I joined the Civil War just before my seventeenth birthday, I was like I said, starving for more responsibility after my father had left for the same war I was determined to fight in. I left my siblings and Mother not knowing I would see them again but it wasn't the war that killed me. Maria did.

When I was nineteen my father was shot in battle. During battle everything we heard was mostly word of ear unless you were someone in charge. I was one of the youngest Major's and so any information I received was taken seriously. I hardly had it in me to question what my superior was telling me when he let me know that my father had been fatally wounded.

I left, against orders, to tell my family. I don't know if I would have returned but I knew I had to tell my family of my father's death. Somewhere near Fort Worth I met Lucy, Nettie, and Maria. I thought they were straggling women but I was wrong. They knew where they were and what they wanted. They saw an opportunity and so Maria took it. She changed me and controlled me like a puppet.

I had no idea what I had become, she was vague and she used my confusion to dominate me. I was scared of her and the others but at the same time I - I wanted to be like them. My sense of responsibility had carried onto my life as a vampire. If I accepted her as my controller she would give me tasks, albeit terrible sometimes cruel tasks, but things that I could oversee.

Her and the others were part of a war. Not entirely different from the war I had just left. Vampires are just like any other animal aside from the obvious differences. We settle down in places and hunt in them. Some for a short while, they're called nomads. Others settle for much longer, taking up identities and building homes. Vampires like Lucy, Nettie, and Maria wanted a kingdom of only their kind. They weren't the only one's either. There were many vampires like them searching for territory and killing anyone that would stand in their way, vampire and human alike.

I spent 75 years doing Maria's bidding. I killed Lucy and Nettie on her orders, I killed and changed thousands. There are vampires walking around that wear my mark. My venom travels through their veins. For 75 years I trained, changed, and killed. I could feel their pain when I bit into them, I could feel their thirst when Maria would starve them, I could feel the life fading from their limbs as I tore them to pieces."

Jasper stopped, a single tear had escaped Bella's attention. He had said too much, he had ruined it all and then…

"That' horrible bitch," she said angrily wiping the tear away, "but you aren't like her at all Jasper. You hated it, you didn't want to. She made you believe you had no choice, that's not your fault."

Jasper looked away not wanting to see the truth in her eyes or feel her conviction.

She held onto his hand tighter, "How did you get away?"

"Peter," Jasper said simply and looked reluctantly at her confused expression. "One of my many creations. He was my right hand you could say. Out of the batch he was the fastest and best fighter aside from me. Maria didn't like him much but she let him live because she saw how much more fun I was when he was around."

"Fun?" Bella interrupted looking like someone had shaken her.

"This is why I feared telling you for so long Bella. I was starting to become like her. I was giving orders and leading battles. I was past the point of being forced to do it all that I was starting to do it willingly. Maria and I would switch off finding potential candidates to change and then Peter and I would train them. She was still the leader but I, I was her second.

The newborns feared me the most of course. I could refuse her orders if I wanted to but I rarely did. Their lives were dictated by me and she realized I was less likely to refuse if Peter was around."

"So you and this Maria," Bella said her name with such disgust Jasper was surprised it didn't physically burn him, "you and her…you know…" Jasper grimaced apologetically, better not lie. "But she used you! She manipulated you and made you do bad things."

"When you are changed," Jasper started to say thinking hard about what words to choose, "there are things that change. Your appetite, your capacity to think quicker and in ways humans can't, and….and your drive."

"Your drive?" She looked at him for a moment and then her eyes widened, "your _sexual_ drive?" Her lips made words but no sounds came out. Suddenly, "But Edward, he never did anything. Why did you _have_ to?"

"Well I certainly didn't have to," Jasper said trying not smile, "I was a lot more cavalier than dear ole Edward. He certainly had more restraint but only because he's such a goddamn prude." Bella pouted but allowed him to continue. "As I was saying, Peter and I were closer than other vampires. I trusted him and I had proved I wasn't going to kill him any time soon so he entrusted in me a secret. Not that he could have hidden it from me since I could feel everything but nonetheless, he showed true trust in me. Something Maria had never done no matter how much power she gave me. She still kept me on a leash.

It turned out that Peter had mated with a vampire I turned. Her name was Charlotte. She was fast but her fighting skills were dismal. Normally if vampires mated we would kill them both off. I knew I had to make a decision and so did Peter. He knew I didn't want to but if Maria found out…"

"Jasper," Bella looked at him for the first time as if she was disappointed in him. He hated to see that look on her face.

"I didn't," he said, "I took Charlotte to the edge of our territory to 'kill her'" he said making the quotations in the air. I couldn't tell Peter the plan in case someone overheard us so I made sure to put him on lookout duty that night. Out there no one would hear me telling Charlotte to run as soon as I bite her. She wailed loudly enough for Peter to hear.

When a mate is hurt, nothing can stop you from protecting them. I knew that, having seen it a million times. So when Charlotte pushed me off of her Peter saw and came after us. As soon as he was close to hear I yelled at him to go after her and bring her back. I could tell the others were watching everything go down. I didn't want them to know I had just allowed two vampires escape."

"But Peter never went back," Bella said grinning and Jasper shook his head.

"Maria was livid with me. This had never happened but I shrugged it off and told her that Charlotte had probably killed Peter and kept running. But with Peter gone it was like everything had lost it's fun. I was back to despising killing and changing. I no longer wanted Maria and it seemed she no longer wanted me. She had plans to take over more territory. She needed me of course so she tried to keep me as happy as I could be but she could no longer satisfy me in anyway.

Then one day it all changed. We had just won more territory and we were the biggest group of vampires in the South West. I didn't know that what we were doing was illegal. Wrong sure but I figured it was our right. Maria never told me about our laws. In 75 years she never found a spare moment to tell me about the Volturi.

A vampire from a rivaling territory had come into our grounds and told me, laughing pathetically that we were doomed. That they were coming and we couldn't hide because they had tortured our whereabouts out of the vampires in his coven. I didn't know what to do, I panicked and took out 75 years of anger out on Maria. I figured that if we were about to be killed she would go down with me. I didn't even know if the vampire was telling the truth, I just took it for what it was and went on a rampage.

Little did I know the Volturi's guard was watching me. Any vampires I knew were good and would not continue on my path I let go. The rest were dead within the hour. The Volturi didn't stop the vampires I let go and they didn't stop me. I was doing their job after all. But in the end it was just me and I couldn't very well kill myself.

I think they knew this because then they made their presence known. I was almost happy to see them. One big sour looking one, Demetri, came forward and asked me who I was. I told them I was Jasper Whitlock and that I would not fight them if they planned to kill me. They all wore shocked expressions as if they had never heard of such a thing.

They told me there was someone that would want to meet me. I didn't fight them because I figured they would kill me when I met whoever they wanted me to meet. It never occurred to me they didn't want me dead. I had given them quite the show and they knew I was gifted but they didn't ask even though I felt their curiosity dig into me the entire boat ride to Italy. It took us some time but we finally arrived in Volterra, Italy.

I remember feeling like I wouldn't mind dying in such a beautiful place but I also felt I didn't deserve to. Already I knew Maria had lied. Obviously wars and territory weren't everything vampires were made for. I was ready to die but I wanted to live.

The first time I met Aro he knew. I was so naïve but so powerless against him and the brothers. Aro will know every thought you have ever had by the simple act of touching. He knew I had been lied to and that I resented every minute with Maria. With one touch he knew I could feel others emotions and manipulate them if I wanted to. Not only that but I was powerful and strong. Many vampires would fear me and avoid me but Aro, he could use me."

Bella was breathing hard, like she normally did when she was reading a riveting novel. At the point of the climax she would set it down and take a breather.

"But unfortunately for him he saw how angry I had become when deceived. I don't like being controlled and perhaps he thought my powers would be put to better use if I was using them willingly. That had been Maria's mistake he said. '_You don't try to control the uncontrollable_.' He talked in riddles the entire time I was there but I knew I wasn't going to die but I had the feeling that Aro didn't spare lives so casually either. I was used to vampires like him so I asked him what he wanted in return and he said nothing."

"Nothing?" Bella asked gripping the sheets. "Nothing? What was he playing at?"

"I'm not sure but I don't think I've seen the last of him yet. He knew I wouldn't return to the wars. I had already made my mind up. If I survived the Volturi I would return to America and start a new life. Possibly find Peter and Charlotte. He saw my plans, surely he knew I was with Carlisle as well when I joined him. I just hope he never finds a reason to use my powers."

"But he has no way of finding you," Bella said and he dreaded to see her conviction fade.

"He does. Demetri is a tracker. Once he meets you he will find you. Carlisle told me himself. Aro and his brothers surround themselves with the gifted and talented. They're the vampire royalty of sorts. They keep vampires in check and destroy those who threaten our biggest secret."

"Which is?" Bella asked.

"That we are vampires," Jasper said simply, "can you imagine what Carlisle's punishment, a personal friend of the Volturi, would be if they found out we told you what we are." He stopped himself from telling her what her punishment would be. He dreaded it.

"But I figured it out, Edward never told me."

"Then we should have killed you and left town. But we didn't, although Edward did leave to try to persuade you from forgetting him."

"Well that didn't work," she intertwined her fingers with his and sighed. "You're a mess Jasper," she said as his face fell, here it was, "but I don't care. You survived and tried to rectify. The look you got every time I saw you at school. You were pained. You didn't want to cause anyone any harm."

"But what about now? I still kill," he needed to know what she was thinking. It was never more important for her to keep talking.

"Yeah but it's not carelessly anymore. This is you, you need blood to survive. Carlisle and the others might say you could hunt animals and others might say that even that is wrong. Guilt is everywhere but you're making the best out of your situation. I can see that, can't you?"

"You make it really hard to argue," he pulled her closer and turned her so they could see the sunrise outside of his bedroom window.

"I love you Jasper, nothing can change that," she kissed their hands and rested her head back down.

He kissed her bare shoulder and closed his eyes against the sunlight, "I love you too."

* * *

**Long authors note:**

Okay, let me just say I am so unbelievably sorry this took an extra week. I've had the hardest time deciding exactly how this chapter would go. It may not seem like it but this is probably one of the most important chapters I'm going to write for this story. I needed to set this up now in case I wished to continue onto a part two of this story.

Also, I'm not a complete noob when it comes to writing 'erotica'. I've written bits before and one one-shot on the tumblr site I've linked you too if you're reading the explicit version of this. For some reason this one was extra awkward and hard to write. I guess it's because I'm not picturing myself in Bella's position. It was like writing about two friends doing it.

Anyway, this gap couldn't have come at a worst time either. Holidays mixed in with health issues and stupid adult responsibilities. I hope the content makes up for my extra week.

**As promised, the song that inspired this chapter is Fire by Augustana.**

No it don't come easy

No it don't come fast

Lock me up inside your garden

Take me to the riverside

Fire burning me up

Desire taking me so much higher

And leaving me whole

There you were in your black dress

Moving slow to the sadness

I could watch you dance for hours

I could take you by my side

Fire burning me up

Desire taking me so much higher

And leaving me

Fire turning me on

Desire taking me so much higher

And leaving me whole


	17. The Distance

**I don't know how many more chapters this story will be after this…but my ideal number is 25. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to get this story to 500 reviews but asking for them won't do any good. I must give you chapters worthy of reviews so here is one I think y'all are going to like. It wasn't meant to take me an extra week but I hope the extra time made it extra better.**

**Also this song is The Distance by Oliver James. You can find it on YouTube. I'm not posting the lyrics here. But it's quite a song (:**

**Anyway, brace yourselves this is a long one.**

* * *

Jasper wrapped his arms around Bella's waist as she looked at herself in the mirror of her old room. She rarely slept there anymore but she kept her clothes in it and could usually be found in there right before work. She didn't meet his eyes in the mirror like she normally did; she was looking at her outfit for the night, something she did every night before leaving.

It was one of her newest old pieces. She hadn't returned it with the rest of the lot after Angel had passed down her box of used 'uniforms' for work. Most of her corsets were black and mostly plain but this one had little gold embellishments that when hit with light made it seem like it was sparkling. She secretly wished her skin would glow as brightly as Jasper's did in the sun and this corset brought her somewhat close.

Her shorts were lace with fake leather and her tights were a plain black color with one gold strip running down her legs on either side. They made her legs look like they went on for days, something she knew Jasper particularly liked.

This was nice for 20 but she dreaded dressing like this everyday until her 30s. "I think I'm going to quit," Bella said to the Jasper in the mirror. She was looking at her corset and turning from side to side to see the rhinestones sparkle but from her peripheral vision she saw Jasper's eyes widen and felt his hands tighten a little on her waist.

"Why?" He asked trying to choke down the surprise, "I thought you loved it there?"

Bella sighed and turned around. She played with his collar, messing it up and then fixing it again. All along avoiding eye contact. "I do, I really do but I can't do it forever can I?" She untangled herself from him and went to her closet to look for a pair of heels to wear to work. "I think I should start looking for internships or…I don't know, something. Anything." She didn't know what she was looking for. There was a lump in her throat that wasn't letting her breathe. The world was spinning too fast and she was being sucked into that same sense of comfort she had become accustomed too when she was with Edward.

She used to believe Edward could protect her from the worst that life could throw at her. She found out the hard way that the wall keeping the wind at bay had fallen on her. She couldn't let it happen again. Just the thought of her whole life revolving around Jasper made her dizzy.

She didn't want to be that girl again but she didn't know how not to be her either. She found her heels and then her bag. She was ready for another night. For a job she genuinely did love but had to leave because she didn't want to spend the rest of her life there.

"Does this have anything to do with us?" Jasper asked, probably feeling everything she was. Bella stopped for a minute while arranging her things and looked at him.

She was always hesitant to say anything about change to Edward. He liked her hair a certain way, he liked that she read and followed along. Jasper had been nothing like that and yet it scared her to say something that might change it.

"No," she said after a while, probably longer than necessary, "it's not about us. I just think change is something I would like."

"Okay," Jasper wrapped his arms around her again, more tightly than before and looked down at her, "let me know if you need any help finding something or…anything. You can come to me." His scarlet eyes spoke the truth without using his power to convey it.

Bella smiled as her heart soared. She nodded and kissed him quickly on the lips before grabbing his hand and walking them both out into the night.

They often shared the driving responsibilities now. Normally Jasper would drive Bella to school and Bella would drive them both to work. As much as she loved Jasper's car she wouldn't dare leave it in the parking garage near the club. Jasper said he didn't care but he never insisted on taking his car either.

Some of the best time's they shared were while they drove. It was very liberating to Bella to be in a car and feel completely fine with being in Jasper's presence. She realized that this relationship was much different to her relationship with the first vampire she fell in love with. Instead of feeling inadequate, she felt equivalent.

Jasper who could control her emotions at will or else judge her and step around her cautiously while feeling her emotions, did not. Edward and Jasper's gifts were different yes, but they couldn't help hearing or feeling everyone else.

She had become accustomed to being comfortable in Jasper's presence, so when she got behind the wheel of her car and shut her door it came as a surprise to feel suddenly very alert and scared. Jasper was standing with one foot in her car and his hand on the door while the rest of his body tensed.

"Jasper," Bella whispered knowing now was not the time to interrupt what he was doing but she was scared and she wanted to know what was going on. "Jasper say something."

He hesitated for a moment before putting his foot down and looking at her. "I need you to take your purse, lock yourself in our bedroom and don't come out unless I tell you to, okay?"

Bella considered arguing for a moment and then shut her mouth, grabbed her purse and ran to her front door. Despite being nervous and scared she got the key in the lock and opened her front door quickly. She was going to turn around and ask what Jasper was going to do but she found him hurrying her through the threshold.

"I know you're scared but just hold the doll close to you and don't answer the door to anyone but me alright?" Jasper was pushing her toward the stairs and dialing a number at the same time.

"The doll? Jasper what's going on, did you catch another scent?" Bella was digging through her purse looking for the doll Angel had given her months ago as she climbed the stairs. She still didn't know what it did or why she was supposed to hold it. She wanted to smack herself for not asking about it before now, now that there was no time for questions and answers.

"Yes," Jasper said shoving her gently into their room, "Sam, I caught the scents of Victoria and another vampire outside of our apartment. No, they were recent, minutes perhaps. I'm going to check it out and see if they're still near by. If I don't call in 5 minutes have someone come for Bella," Jasper held his hand up when Bella was about to protest, "damnit Sam I don't care just have someone come. Alright, see you soon."

"I'm not staying here while you go out there to meet two vampires Jasper," she said stomping her foot and pointed a finger at him with the doll in her hand.

"5 minutes," he said kissing her quickly and before she knew it he was locking the door from outside and shutting it.

"Jasper!" Bella screamed trying to yank the door open. She figured locking the door was a figure of speech or some kind of precaution against Victoria but this door was completely made out of wood that was definitely not strong enough to keep Victoria out. But strong enough to keep Bella in.

Did Jasper not realize he could be walking into a trap set up by Victoria? He would catch her scent and she would lead him into an ambush. Or she could lead him far away from her and kill Bella inside a room she could not escape. The only thing that comforted her was that Jasper knew something she didn't. But it wasn't much because she was still banging on the door five minutes later.

Her voice had gone raw from calling Jasper's name in vain and her hands were red from beating on the door and breaking the handle off of the lock.

In frustration she threw her heels off and threw them at the impenetrable door. When that didn't work she grabbed the doll from the floor and threw it as well. Instead of breaking like she knew any normal doll would have, it did not; in fact no shattering sound came but a crack did. Bella walked slowly to the door and cautiously ran her hand over the splinter sticking out from where the doll had hit it.

She didn't have time to ponder what in the world had happened before there was jiggling from the other side of the door and then a grunt and another breaking sound. Bella quickly picked up the doll and held it ready to throw at whoever burst through the door but she didn't have to for Jasper kicked the door open and scanned the room looking for her.

But he wasn't alone. At first she thought she was hallucinating and then reality crashed down on her. David, Michael's brother was standing behind her looking just as scared as she was. She realized she was still holding the doll in a pose much like a quarterback throwing a football, Jasper was stepping over the broken door and a strange yet familiar vampire was standing by the door as if he had walked in on a couples private fight.

"We have to go," Jasper said to Bella as he reached for her hand but she did not give it to him, she couldn't take her eyes off of David.

"What's going on?" She didn't want to be left in the dark.

"I'll explain on our way to Forks, but we have to leave now or would you rather stay?" Bella relaxed slightly and met Jasper's eyes. She was about to protest when she realized a cloud of urgency followed his words, whatever had happened was no where near being done.

She nodded and followed him and the eerily familiar twin down the stairs and outside. She was about to head to her car when Jasper directed her over to his. He opened the door for her and shut it once she was in. She was about to ask why Michael's brother was there when a noise from behind her alerted him to his presence and then Jasper was putting the car in drive and stepping on the gas.

"Jasper, tell me something…anything," Bella quickly snapped on her seat belt and turned to Jasper who was driving his car as fast as he could inside city limits which was already faster than he had ever driven it with her inside.

Jasper was about to answer when whatever he was about to say was interrupted by his phone going off. He looked at her sympathetically before digging in his jeans for it. He stared at the ID for a minute before pressing the talk button.

"You're going to make it on time, don't kill your girl by rushing," a strong southern accented man could be heard over Jasper's roaring engine even though he didn't have his phone on speaker, "you'll get wherever you're going at the same time as whoever you're racing."

"Peter, I appreciate this but-" Jasper started to say but was interrupted again.

"That's not all ass-hat," the voice spoke over him again, "I don't think tonight will end well but trust your instincts and don't blame yourself."

"Don't blame myself?" Jasper said looking over at her and frowning, "Peter, I can't leave her…"

Bella recoiled as if slapped hard, what was going on?

"You wouldn't know why you would be blaming yourself yet," they were on the highway now heading for Forks and Jasper wasn't slowing down but he was not being as reckless as he had been in the city. "You're doing the right thing so far."

"Is someone going to die?" Jasper asked nervously.

"I don't know man, you know how it is. Charlotte is calling our plane right now. We're coming to help you."

"Peter, I don't think you'll make it," Jasper was saying before Peter said 'Coming' to someone on his end of the phone.

"I have to go, remember, trust your instincts," and then there was silence and Jasper clicked end before dropping his phone into Bella's hands.

"What's going on Jasper," Bella said, her voice breaking on his name. It hurt to speak and her hands were numb. She hadn't put on shoes before leaving so she was barefoot in the middle of January and something terrible was happening and she had no clue what it was.

Instead of Jasper answering David did, "Victoria is heading over to Forks with three newborns and…Michael."

"Michael?" Bella screeched looking from David's red eyes to Jasper's. "How do you know Victoria? Why does she have Michael? Why is she going to Forks when I'm here?" Her voice was cracking and she found she couldn't speak anymore.

"I don't know why but I think she's trying to draw you out and leave you vulnerable by bringing you there. I think she's gone mad, she said she would be attacking soon but after a few days I thought she would wait longer. Let the newborns become more organized but when I went to meet her tonight she was gone and I caught my brothers scent everywhere. She knows there are werewolf's there, but I think that's why Michael is there."

"She turned him?" Bella half whispered. She remembered Angel telling her that Michael wasn't feeling well and had taken the rest of the week off. She never thought twice about it. "Why?" she mouthed.

"I think she suspected I was going to try to warn you, it's her way of retribution for my betrayal. I was trying to keep Michael safe but I couldn't. She ended up turning him anyway."

"Oh god!" She squeaked. For some reason she had thought Victoria was only keeping him hostage. She sat back in her seat and tried to breathe. She could feel Jasper trying to calm her but it only made her angry. "Why are we going then? Can't the werewolves handle it. We're walking right into her plan."

Jasper looked at her sympathetically, "Michael is a newborn who probably awoke only a few hours ago, he'll ravage the entire town. The werewolves will only serve as a temporary barrier. None of them have experience with newborns. I fortunately do have some."

Bella saw it in her minds eye. Jasper fighting with Michael to the death while she stood helplessly in the sidelines not being able to help.

To get her mind off of that particular image she looked back at David and at his red eyes. "What happened after you locked me in the room?" She said to Jasper but she didn't take her eyes off of David for a second. She was dizzy with information and unanswered questions.

"I ran into him about a block away from our apartment. It turns out he was coming to warn us." Jasper looked desperately at her and she felt another wave of calm try to break into her system but she pushed it back somehow.

"Why does your friend, Peter, think we'll arrive at the same time as Victoria?" The Peter who had called must have been the Peter from Jasper's past who had made life with Maria easier for him. The Peter who had run away with Charlotte and the one Jasper had planned to find after leaving Volterra.

"I have a theory," David said, "my brother can't be more than 24 hours old. He'll want to feed and be hard to control. It's going to take her sometime to get him to Forks." Bella nodded and bit her lip.

"Sam knows right? Charlie is going to be okay?" She asked hoping the answer was yes. Jasper nodded but did not say anything. She knew that the werewolves first priority would be to kill the newborns not protect Charlie. She also knew Victoria would find it symbolic to kill her in the place where she had promised to so many years ago. Charlie would be in the direct line of fire and he didn't even know it.

"It's going to be okay Bella," Jasper reached for her hand and held it tightly but she did not return the sentiment. She was on auto drive. The thing she had feared the most was finally happening and she had no power to stop it.

She wanted to know how David and Victoria had met. Had she created him? What had been the purpose? A new mate, or a spy, or just a partner? She wanted to know how Jasper had known she wouldn't have stayed put if he hadn't locked the door. Did Sam still not deem her important enough to send someone for her, to protect her? And Michael, poor Michael who had done nothing to deserve this was now facing a pack of werewolves and a thirst she could not imagine.

Usually the drive to Forks took longer than the seconds it had taken them this time. She thought she had at least an hour to get herself together but in the blink of an eye they were entering town at the same speed Jasper had used on the highway.

David was pleading with Jasper to pull over and just run but Jasper insisted on driving to Bella's house. When they pulled up to her house her mouth dropped.

There were six or seven fully transformed werewolves on her lawn, pacing back and forth. Bella was getting out of the car before Jasper could even break and she stumbled onto the grass. Barefooted she ran past the werewolves and paid them no mind. She opened the door to her house and ran into Jacob in human form.

"Where's Charlie?" She asked frantically looking over his shoulder.

"In the kitchen," Jacob said sidestepping her and pulling his wife beater over himself.

"Where are you going?" Bella asked watching him head over to the door.

Jacob was already shaking, "To kill some vampires," he smiled briefly and then he was transforming. Bella backed up into the coffee table and knocked a cup on the floor. When she looked towards the door Jacob was gone.

Charlie had come out at the sound of the cup breaking and rushed to pick her up and hug her. "It's true isn't it? I nearly shot Sam went he turned into that giant dog and then Jacob came over and explained everything. Oh Bella, but you're safe, I have my gun-"

Bella pulled back and smiled despite the situation, "I don't think a bullet will do much to a vampire or a werewolf dad, but keep it out just in case."

Charlie looked distraught and he kept glancing at the door, "I can't believe it…any of it, I should have realized."

"I know dad," Bella said making him sit down on his recliner, "this will all resolve itself-"

A blast from outside made Bella's ears ring and then time seemed to have stopped and speed up all at once. There were roars coming from her front lawn and her back yard and she knew it had started. Victoria was there and everything was hell.

Her front door was blasted off of its hinges and she saw fur, for a split second she felt safe before Jacob was slammed on the wall next to her. He was turning into human but she didn't dare look at the damage. Charlie was firing his gun at something near the door that moved too fast to be seen.

Victoria had her teeth fused into Charlie's neck and she was draining the life out of him before Bella's very eyes. She couldn't move and even if she could have she wouldn't have been able to do anything.

There was another roar somewhere she couldn't see and then Jasper and Victoria were fighting. Bella ran over to Charlie and held her hand on the spot Victoria had bitten him, there was so much blood rushing out that she took Jacobs wife beater that was still on the floor and held it over Charlie's wound but it was quickly covered in red.

Why wasn't he turning? Surely he should be turning but more blood covered her hands and the floor and Jasper and Victoria could be heard causing havoc inside her house.

"Don't cry," Charlie choked out before grabbing her wrist. When he said it she realized it was true, she was crying and saying ,'No no no,' repeatedly. Then Charlie released her wrist and as if in slow motion his hand fell to his side silently.

"No!" Victoria screamed somewhere very close to her and Bella left Charlie's clouded eyes in time to see her hit Jasper so hard in the chest he was thrown through the wall and into the kitchen, "she's mine! Take him!" Bella didn't know who she was talking to but then she saw Michael run past her and to Jasper. Jasper got up and began fighting with him so fast they were like a tornado.

Bella gasped in pain when Victoria picked her up from the arm, dislocating her shoulder and threw her on the coffee table so easily Bella felt like a wash cloth.

"I've been waiting a long time to taste you," Victoria said straddling Bella and making her look the other way into the kitchen where Jasper was struggling to pull Michael's head off, "let's see what all the fuss is about."

Victoria sunk her teeth into Bella's neck and a scream pierced the air at the same moment. It was a second before she realized it had been her who had screamed. There was a strange sensation in the area Victoria was biting her but it didn't last long. Victoria stopped after a few seconds and looked up. Bella saw how her eyes widened and then she was gone. So fast there hadn't even been a blur.

And then fire like she had never known ignited inside her and she was truly dying now. It felt much worse than when James had bitten her, then it had been a headache, this…this was death.

Almost as if from far away she heard a familiar voice and then there were lips on her neck again and she feared Victoria had come back for more but instead of feeling teeth sink into her neck, she felt the lips suck at the same spot. She had no strength to fight off the person on top of her for the fire still burned her to the very core.

"It's too late," said the voice. It was strangely familiar, "I can't get it all out. She'll die if she's not bitten. Jasper, son I can do it if you'd like."

Bella saw Jasper's features clearly but everything else seemed unfocused, dimming. "I don't think she wanted it…" Jasper stroked her face and pushed back her blood coated hair. Somehow she found the strength to find his wrist and grip it, like Charlie had done to her. She tried speaking but she couldn't.

She wanted to tell him that she didn't want to die but she wasn't sure if she wanted to be a vampire either. At this point she didn't see how she had a choice. She just wanted the pain to stop, she wanted to be back at home with Jasper and Alaska, she wanted revenge for Charlie…

She heard a gasp and Jasper's eyes left hers. She wanted him to look at her.

"She wants to," Another familiar voice said, "Victoria damaged her vocal cords, she can't say it but she's thinking it."

Jasper looked back down at her and she saw how venom pooled in his eyes, "Forgive me Bella, I can feel it. You're not sure, I know sweetheart. Please forgive me." Jasper kissed her forehead and then her cheek and finally her lips before sinking his teeth over Victoria's mark. The fire picked up again almost immediately but she felt it for a second or two before it went down again. She thought that it had failed. They couldn't transform her, she didn't have enough life in her to change.

Jasper wrapped his arms around her and struggled to pick her up. Jasper had never struggled to do anything before and this alone scared her more than the fact that she couldn't change.

"Don't be scared," he said into her ear. She saw the starry night and Jasper's pained expression as she stayed immobile in his arms. She didn't feel the same intensity of the fire like before but she didn't feel her life slipping away either. "Just remember Bella, don't forget, always remember."

She closed her eyes and tried to do as he said. She heard voices and conversations around her but the voice she tried to hold onto was the only one that mattered.

"No, drive to Port Angeles. To the private airstrip." Were they going to fly? It seemed like such an inconvenient time. Bella remembered the first time she had ever flown. Rene had just divorced Charlie and she was so young and scared of the giant piece of metal that was supposed to take them to Southern California.

Rene had given her gum and a magazine. She spent the majority of the flight looking at pictures of girls she yearned to be. She had taken up ballet because Rene had liked it but she was terrible at it and all the girls made fun of her. Rene always wanted her to be the frilly girly girl but she just wanted to observe and read. She liked grazing the edge of the woods near her dad's house, jumping in puddles and touching frogs.

They only stayed in California for a while because Rene didn't like it much. She said she wanted to go somewhere warmer where she could take up outdoor sports and where Bella could run around in the streets if she wanted.

So they left for Phoenix the next week and got an apartment on the third floor of an apartment complex. A lady with three cats lived below them and a single mom with two boys lived below her. Rene got along fine with the single mom and they often talked about hot dates and the latest movies while Bella played in the sandbox in the middle of the apartment complex.

The single mom's boy would pick on Bella and call her Casper. She remembered throwing sand into one of their faces and shoving the other one down. Rene didn't believe in grounding so when she didn't reprimand her in front of the kid's mom they got into an argument about parenting and Bella was forbidden to speak to them again.

After that Rene started dating a carpenter who liked to give Bella toys and take her out for ice cream even if Rene and him were supposed to be on a date. Bella liked him but Rene didn't. She said he worked too much and she needed to feel equal in the relationship.

Her mom went through men like Bella went through ballet shoes. Then she met Phil while he was a rookie during a summer season in Phoenix and Bella took a backseat in her mom's life. She remembered Rene coming home at 2 in the morning giddy like a 16 year old girl with her first boyfriend and telling her that they would be moving in with Phil because he had just gotten a promotion to a big time team in Arizona.

Bella liked Phil, not as much as the construction worker guy, but liked him for trying; something most of Rene's other boyfriends had never done. Phil spent less time at home with them but it seemed Rene didn't mind as long as she felt equal. He treated her as if she were his own daughter. He was the one that taught her how to drive and how to build a book shelf for her books. She told him about not liking ballet and then the next day Rene told her she didn't have to do it anymore if it made her unhappy.

She would visit Charlie twice a year, during his birthday and during Christmas. Growing up away from Charlie had made her feel awkward around him and it seemed he had the same issue but they persevered and kept trying. She would start looking forward to spending a few days with Charlie just to leave the craziness behind that ensued when her mother took up a new hobby.

She remembered the Christmas that Charlie blew a fuse in the house and how they had stayed up with flashlights in the dark making hand shadows on the ceiling. Charlie's birthday that year had been great too. Billy had come over, sans Jacob, and taught her how to shoot a BB gun. She remembered Jacob telling her later that he had been too shy to accompany his dad to see her.

She also recalled the year that her parents had given her the 'talk'. It was the year right before moving in with Charlie. Rene had had it with her in the living room while Phil sat awkwardly in the corner playing his play station. Bella had insisted that she had already had this lesson in school years before but Rene was adamant that it was not enough and that if she got urges she preferred she was educated about the situation.

Then when Bella was visiting Charlie, he got a call from her mother everyday until he caved in and simply told her, "Just don't do it okay? Not unless you truly love someone." Despite the burning fire within her she felt her lips pull up into a smile. Charlie couldn't have given her the talk if he had a gun pointed to his head.

When she came home from that trip she was called over to Phil's office where Rene was standing looking excited. They sat her down and told her they would be moving to Jacksonville, Florida to start a new life where Phil had gotten a job.

Bella was tired of the moving and the changing and she just wanted to stay in one place, even if that place had to be dreary rainy Forks. She knew that anywhere Rene went, change followed constantly. So she packed her bags, grabbed her cactus, and said goodbye to her mother as she got on a plane one last time and headed for Forks with her awkward father she only saw twice a year.

She felt Jasper tighten his grip on her as a wave of heat coursed through her body and settled in her heart. She wondered why she hadn't died yet and why she was bothering to 'remember'. Surely she should have passed a while ago. She felt her mind divide into two separate things. One side was concentrating on the pain and the other was concentrating on remembering everything she could.

She wondered why it didn't hurt as much as she thought it would. The pain was still unbelievable but it was also in a sense, manageable. She could zone out and think about the first time she rode a bike and then feel the flames.

She heard a ringing in the background and then Jasper's hand wasn't cradling her backside anymore. She could hear his voice and a strain to speak.

"Yes?" He said, for a moment the pain she had initially felt when Victoria had bitten her had enveloped her again and she let out an ear piercing scream. Just as fast as it had come, it had gone and Jasper was swearing, "look, don't argue with me okay. You owe me. I didn't kill him for many reasons, just get on that plane and wait for us."

"We're almost there, maybe we should run?" A voice said from Bella's right. Jasper's hand was back behind her but she could feel the pain increasing. Maybe she was changing but she didn't dare open her eyes.

"No," she heard Jasper say, "I need to concentrate, just keep driving."

She wanted to know why he sounded so pained but her own fire was making it hard to think now. She felt this barrier forming between herself and Jasper. His voice was also fading into the background but she tried to concentrate on it when he did speak.

"Don't do that Bella," she heard him say desperately, "just concentrate on your memories, don't keep me out."

She wasn't trying too. She wanted him to stay with her but she didn't know what she was doing and slowly she could feel the fire burn brighter inside of her.

"Just remember, don't think about the pain…" Another voice said somewhere distant. She remembered now who that voice belonged to and as if on cue his face showed up in her minds eye.

She had never seen someone so beautiful in her life. She felt strangely self conscious being in his presence. He had been so cold to her when she sat down next to him and she realized he was holding his breath. But she had taken a shower and put deodorant on. It had never occurred to her that she smelled bad.

"You smelled wonderful Bella," she heard him say, "I was the one with the problem."

Bella smiled despite the pain and despite her anger towards him. He did have a problem but she wasn't naïve enough to think she hadn't fed it with her willingness to bend over backwards for him. She had Jasper now and even though her life was ending and Charlie was gone and she didn't know if Jacob had survived she still pitied Edward.

Edward who had left her in the woods he often nagged her about being dangerous. Edward who had said he loved her and never returned. But she didn't want to remember that, she wanted to remember happy times. Even though she pitied him and despised how he had made her feel she couldn't deny the genuinely happy times they had spent together. She remembered passing notes and catching his eye in Biology class, watching movies with him, or watching him play baseball with his family. He had given her happiness during a time when her life seemed boring and never ending. She had loved him first but she did not resent him for it.

Because without having loved Edward she would have never been completely sure of her love for Jasper. Somewhere in-between hating Edward and loving Jasper, she had found herself. In losing everything once and losing everything again she had learned to appreciate the little things.

The wolf whistles from the tables she served, Angel's witty comments about drunk patrons, Charlie's awkward hugs, Jacob's silly taunts, Alaska's scratching noises on her door, Rene's love for life, Jasper's soft kisses…

She wanted to rip Victoria into pieces for taking all of that away and even though she knew killing Victoria, if she wasn't already dead, wouldn't bring her peace it didn't matter. The fire spoke and she concentrated on that. Making her feel this pain, for Charlie and Michael. For her life that was slipping away. For Jasper's effort to keep her alive.

She understood the phone call now. 'Don't blame yourself'. She wasn't sure if she had made the right decision. She didn't want to wake up and be alone but she hoped Jasper loved her enough to teach her his ways before finding his mate.

She wondered what would happened after getting her revenge if in fact Victoria was still alive for her to get it. Would Jasper and her be like Alice? Being in love but not truly bonded? Jasper had said that it was hard to know if a vampire had bonded with a human until that human was changed. What if she woke up and didn't feel it? Then the thing she feared about becoming a vampire would happen.

A burning flame shot from the tips of her toes and fingers straight into her heart and she let out a whimper. It was getting worse minute by minute and she wasn't sure how long it had been since Victoria's teeth had penetrated her skin. The part of her that had been concentrating on memories let her know it hadn't been too long. Maybe an hour at most.

"She's starting to block me out," Edward said.

"Me too," Jasper seemed to be holding onto a thread. "Let me in Bella, don't block me out."

"I don't know how," she said softly even though she remembered Edward saying her vocal cords had been damaged. Those words caused another wave of burning lava to erupt within her. This was the thing everyone talked about, the pain was unbearable. She could feel her hands turn into fist and her breathing picked up.

"Listen to my voice, nothing else," Jasper said desperately and the fire lessened only slightly. "Remember your birthday Bella? You never opened my gift. I got you some plastic fangs from a costume shop. I thought they were clever and Edward made me promise to return them. But I wrapped them anyway because I knew you would appreciate the humor.

I also got you a book. A first edition children's story my mother used to read to me when I was young. I didn't know anyone else that would recognize the value of it like I did. I still have them wrapped in the house. When you wake up I'll give them to you okay? But you have to remind me Bella, don't forget alright? Don't forget…."

And then he was gone and there was nothing but pain and fire and death. She could hear her name and it took everything for her to grasp only slightly to reality. She had to remember something, anything. She didn't want to think of the sound her heart was making in her ears, or the way her muscles seemed to tense, and the fire. She didn't want to think about the fire in her blood and bones and skin.

A strangled scream caught in her throat and even her tears burned. She wanted to die, she didn't want this, any of it.

She thought of Charlie and being with him wherever he was now and of Jacob hoping he was okay. She wanted Jasper or Edward to rip her to pieces now. Every bump in the road made her scream out loud and she could hear voices but none of them made sense.

"I can't….we're here…Jasper…don't," she felt some relief as a cold breeze swept hair from her face but it was quickly gone.

She spent exactly 48 hours and 20 minutes in agony. There were times when she was moved and the pain would increase tenfold. Sometimes she heard voices and she learned to distinguish which one was Jasper's. There were times she screamed and times she was silent for hours. Her internal clock ticked her life away as a new one took hold. And all the while the pain increased.

Remembering little details of her life was become harder as the seconds passed but she held on to them as if they were little treasures.

Her fist date, her first kiss, the first boy to write her a love note. She remembered almost drowning in a pool once and Rene jumping in to save her. She tried to remember each cut and bruise and scrape and the story that went along with it. She recalled remembering the girls from Phoenix who would ask her if she had ever heard of a tan.

The most important memories followed the spasms of pain during particularly painful waves of fire. Her first time with Jasper. Edward saying she wasn't worth it. Finding out Rene wasn't in the ballet studio. Seeing the writing on the sliding glass doors. Watching as Charlie fell to the floor, blood rushing out of the wound Victoria had made…

It wasn't until day three that she realized what she had gotten herself into. There was anger and sadness mixed in with the pain and burning. She would be alone forever. It was her fault Charlie was dead and possibly Jacob. How many more lay on her front lawn and back yard torn to pieces?

And all because she had to fall in love with Edward. Edward who never wanted her and abandoned her. She hated herself more than anyone else for the decisions that had led to this. She hadn't heard Jasper's voice for a while and it made her angry. Where was he? Was she right in thinking they weren't meant to be?

She let out another scream and instead of ceasing after a while, it kept going. This was nothing like before. This was surely death and she was willing to greet it. The fire was at her ends now and she remembered as if from far away Jasper telling her this was the worst part. She could see lights behind her close eye lids that resembled the lights from her and Jasper's Christmas tree.

And then the fire was leaving her finger tips and toes and it was being pushed upward making her scream louder. She wanted Jasper and she wanted to die all at once. Her heart beat was in her ears, drowning out the sounds of her screaming and then she heard it and remembered it with such ease she knew it would forever be ingrained in her mind, her last heart beat.


End file.
